(Close Window) Topic: "Can you make my wife disappear??"
Message: Posted by: hocopoco (Mar 15, 2005 9:21pm)
People ask me this question (or variations thereof) all the time during walkaround and restaurant work. I have a couple of good/useable retorts, but.....

What is your best...funniest....response?
Message: Posted by: Craig Kyle (Mar 15, 2005 9:32pm)
I could tell you but I'd have to kill you.

Zak the hat
Message: Posted by: Nightmare Weaver (Mar 15, 2005 9:34pm)
"Unfortunately sir magic does have weight limits."

"Why yes I can! Here's my room key sweetheart. I'll show you some real magic when I end my shift here."
Message: Posted by: Larry Barnowsky (Mar 15, 2005 9:35pm)
Sorry I can't, your wife already asked me if I could make you disappear.
Message: Posted by: SanCho14jfm (Mar 15, 2005 9:37pm)
Love the roomkey line! The question is, have you ever used that? Ha
SanCho
Message: Posted by: Nightmare Weaver (Mar 15, 2005 9:45pm)
Yes I have, but you've gotta play it just right. It can get out of hand. Had that happen too.
Message: Posted by: Lee Darrow (Mar 15, 2005 10:08pm)
"Hey! This is Chicago - ANYBODY can disappear for only $50! Of course, in MY neighborhood, it's down to $19.95 - and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu Knives!"

I always loved that response - no one gets honked off, everyone laughs and I move on to the next routine.

Lee Darrow, C.H.
Message: Posted by: Rik Taylor (Mar 15, 2005 10:32pm)
Good one Lee. very original.
Message: Posted by: The Mighty Fool (Mar 15, 2005 11:33pm)
"Ah, I don't know about your wife, but I'd be happy to make your DAUGHTER here (indicating wife) dissapear."
Message: Posted by: S2000magician (Mar 16, 2005 1:44am)
Jeff McBride:

"Yes I can . . . I charge by the pound."

;)
Message: Posted by: Whit Haydn (Mar 16, 2005 3:06am)
"For the right price, it can be arranged..."
Message: Posted by: Dave V (Mar 16, 2005 3:40am)
In Lance Burton's show, he has a "heckler" say this line every night. Lance replies "If I tell you, I'll have to kill you." In this case, he let's the heckler deliver the punch line "Okay, tell my wife!"
Message: Posted by: Scott F. Guinn (Mar 16, 2005 3:52am)
"Frankly, with that attitude, I'm surprised she hasn't already done so of her own accord!"
Message: Posted by: Open Traveller (Mar 16, 2005 4:37am)
"I'm sorry, sir...she got to me first!"

"No, but I can take her off your hands for a while..."

"Boy, you take this magic stuff reeeeeeeeal serious, don't you?"

"Take another sip of your drink, sir...you'll feel better."

"I assure you by the time we're through tonight I'll also have your watch, your car and your house keys!"

"Sure...uh...what's your credit limit like?"

[point to your wedding ring] "Hey, I've got stories, too. We'll get together later and compare notes."



Message: Posted by: Review King (Mar 16, 2005 8:08am)
I heard Daryl had the best line for this, but I can't find the quote anywhere. Anyone know it?
Message: Posted by: pikacrd (Mar 16, 2005 8:33am)
Sure but it costs extra
Message: Posted by: Jonathan Rice (Mar 16, 2005 8:34am)
I get this alot..SO my line...Yes..If you give me $5000..
Message: Posted by: Steve Dela (Mar 16, 2005 9:47am)
" of course I can... if I just click my fingers (click fingers)...oh look at that it didn't work..."

Steve Dela
Message: Posted by: Scott Wells (Mar 16, 2005 1:56pm)
I look at the wife, extend my arm and say, "would you like to come with me and we'll blow this Popsicle joint?"

I've never had any takers but I'm still young. ;)
Message: Posted by: Kaliix (Mar 16, 2005 2:49pm)
My standard response to the question, "Can you make (insert any person here) disappear?"

"No, I'm sorry. If I could make people disappear, my ex-wife would have been gone a long time ago."

If they then go, "Ooooooohh", I usually say, "Yeah, but you didn't have to live with her!"
Message: Posted by: Eric Leclerc (Mar 16, 2005 3:38pm)
Ok, since I saw this thread, I'd like to share something with all of you in here that I have used for the last year or so and is really cool.. I turn the typical questions into a trick!!

I have an index in my coat pocket with 16 things people say all the time.. like..

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can make his wife disseapear"

"the lady in front of me will ask me to make her husband disseapear"

"the gentleman in front of me will say "hey look its david blaine"

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can float in the air"

etc.. I have one for males and one for females.. I have been writting down the questions that pop up frequently and have been creating a perfect list. The look on their faces is awesome!!

My friend Frank the Tank suggested another view on it and to write "congratulations!!! you are the 12th person to ask me to make their wife disseapear tonight!!"

hahaha I love it.. what do you think?
Message: Posted by: Father Photius (Mar 17, 2005 12:04am)
I use an old groucho line modified. I say, "well, I suppose I could go home with her, but then, outside of the improvement, she'd probably never notice the difference.
Message: Posted by: Scott Wells (Mar 17, 2005 2:27pm)
Since I usually perform after the meal, I often hear, "can you make my check disappear?"

I reply, "no, but I can make it double!"

That usually shuts them up.

yours,
Scott
Message: Posted by: S2000magician (Mar 17, 2005 2:38pm)
Quote:
On 2005-03-17 14:27, Scott Wells wrote:
Since I usually perform after the meal, I often hear, "can you make my check disappear?"

I reply, "no, but I can make it double!"

I, on the other hand (there's always another hand) tell them that, "Yes, I can. My fee is the amount of the check, plus 50 per cent."

(What? They think I work for free?)

;)
Message: Posted by: Scott Wells (Mar 17, 2005 4:01pm)
Oooooooh, I like that. What a subtle way to let them know that you accept tips.
Message: Posted by: afknight (Mar 17, 2005 6:55pm)
You should know that there's a cute packet trick on Mark Leveridge's website that's named "Can you Make my wife disappear?" it's the perfect effect to perform when asked that question.
Message: Posted by: Bobcape (Mar 17, 2005 11:02pm)
When asked the "Can you make my wife disappear?" question, I try to get on the wife's side. Here's a couple of mine.

"Yea, but you'd run out of clean underwear in a week!"

or,

"Be careful, she may decide to stay disappeared!"

or for an overweight guy,

"I could, but who would hand you the remote?"

Bob
Message: Posted by: ed rhodes (Mar 18, 2005 6:02am)
I always liked;

"What do you have in mind that's better than that?" (Gesturing at wife.)
Message: Posted by: EvanSparts (Mar 18, 2005 1:47pm)
Quote:

On 2005-03-16 15:38, Eric Leclerc wrote:
Ok, since I saw this thread, I'd like to share something with all of you in here that I have used for the last year or so and is really cool.. I turn the typical questions into a trick!!

I have an index in my coat pocket with 16 things people say all the time.. like..

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can make his wife disseapear"

"the lady in front of me will ask me to make her husband disseapear"

"the gentleman in front of me will say "hey look its david blaine"

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can float in the air"

etc.. I have one for males and one for females.. I have been writting down the questions that pop up frequently and have been creating a perfect list. The look on their faces is awesome!!

My friend Frank the Tank suggested another view on it and to write "congratulations!!! you are the 12th person to ask me to make their wife disseapear tonight!!"

hahaha I love it.. what do you think?


Eric what an excellent idea. The best part about this is you are not insulting them, like saying there is a weight limit. What a god awful thing to say to the spectators. I hate magicians that use those insulting lines. I wish they would disappear. No wonder people heckle us, when there are so many *** magicians out there that do this crap. Its magicans like that that bring a bad image to magic and then the good ones have to deal with the fall out that these idiots leave.

Nice way to turn the situation into a magical experince and not a cheap witty line. keep up the good work.
Message: Posted by: swatchel-omi (Mar 18, 2005 2:39pm)
"Yeah, I can, but there a big line in front of you. If you like, I can add you to the waiting list."


Joe
Message: Posted by: Eric Leclerc (Mar 18, 2005 3:29pm)
Thanks Evan... It didn't get much reaction in here but I assure you its a perfect trick/gag to "shut them up" in a magical way!
Message: Posted by: Frank Starsini (Mar 18, 2005 3:33pm)
This is all very funny to me. I don't have anything to add to this thread but
it's a good read. I want to hang out with you funny guys
and have you buy me beer.


Message: Posted by: Mystic Magic (Mar 19, 2005 12:16am)
Sorry for my previous post that got removed for just cause. I have to admit, TV is corrupting me into loosening my values. Hmmm...I should disconnect it for a while huh?

Any way, sorry everyone I offended.


Mystic Magic
Message: Posted by: S2000magician (Mar 19, 2005 12:23am)
Yeah! Watch it!

Hehehehe . . . .

;)

(Psst . . . Frank . . . what post does this guy mean?)
Message: Posted by: Frank Starsini (Mar 19, 2005 2:08am)
Bill, I don't know. It might have gotten deleted while I was in the bathroom.
I'm back now though.

Message: Posted by: S2000magician (Mar 19, 2005 2:51am)
TMI
Message: Posted by: MagicbyCarlo (Mar 19, 2005 1:24pm)
Eric, that is actually a great idea. I would add a card force to it and have the prediction say: A male spectator who has asked me to make his wife disapear will choose the 10 of Diamonds.

Being of Italian decent, I say, "No, actually I can't, but for the right price my cousin Tony from Brooklyn can make anyone disappear."
Message: Posted by: Mystic Magic (Mar 19, 2005 1:27pm)
I had a funny post in relation to the question at hand...It had a bad word that was blipped out...
If you want I can PM you with it...

Let me know.

Mystic Magic
Message: Posted by: Kaliix (Mar 19, 2005 2:23pm)
Just thought of this one.

"Can you make my wife disappear?" "Sure, but do you want it to look like an accident?" (said tongue in cheek, of course)

Possibly followed by, "Easier to collect the insurance that way." (Wink, wink)
Message: Posted by: Chessmann (Mar 19, 2005 8:01pm)
"I already did. That's the robot."

"I could, but you would have to give me all your money first."
Message: Posted by: johnjack (Mar 19, 2005 8:24pm)
Well since I am from Brooklyn, Every response can be answered by saying "fughetaboutit"
Message: Posted by: Jaz (Mar 19, 2005 8:51pm)
Sure, close your eyes for a second.
Message: Posted by: Isramagia (Mar 20, 2005 10:17am)
I simply look at the wife and say,"that's not magic; it's a crime". And move on the next effect (or table).
Message: Posted by: Eric Leclerc (Mar 21, 2005 2:22am)
When are we going for that beer Frank???

And Carlo, what a GREAT idea.. Good call.. having a force card in the revelation, I like it!!
Message: Posted by: MagicbyCarlo (Mar 21, 2005 2:24am)
Eric, no charge ;)
Message: Posted by: kris attard (Jan 9, 2006 5:49pm)
If you work somewhere regularly like a restuarant where people come afterwards and ask you to vanish their wife...take a photo with a digital camera/phone of a specific part of the wall or room. Next time you get asked, pretend to get an idea and ask the wife to stand in that place and take her photo. Then show them the photo in the digital display. Then snap your fingers as you secretly press the BACK button so the display smoothly moves to the first (blank wall) photo and voila, the wife just vanishes...
Message: Posted by: Larry Davidson (Jan 9, 2006 6:03pm)
I've always said (deadpan), "You won't believe what she asked me to do to you." It shuts the guy up, gets a laugh, and the wife appreciates it.
Message: Posted by: MAKMagic (Jan 9, 2006 9:00pm)
Quote:

On 2005-03-17 14:38, S2000magician wrote:
Quote:
On 2005-03-17 14:27, Scott Wells wrote:
Since I usually perform after the meal, I often hear, "can you make my check disappear?"

I reply, "no, but I can make it double!"

I, on the other hand (there's always another hand) tell them that, "Yes, I can. My fee is the amount of the check, plus 50 per cent."

(What? They think I work for free?)

;)

I get asked this all the time. I always respond with "I used to do it all the time, but it seems the customer's wallet dissapears as well"


Posted: Jan 9, 2006 9:02pm
---------------------------------------
Quote:

On 2005-03-16 15:38, Eric Leclerc wrote:
Ok, since I saw this thread, I'd like to share something with all of you in here that I have used for the last year or so and is really cool.. I turn the typical questions into a trick!!

I have an index in my coat pocket with 16 things people say all the time.. like..

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can make his wife disseapear"

"the lady in front of me will ask me to make her husband disseapear"

"the gentleman in front of me will say "hey look its david blaine"

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can float in the air"

etc.. I have one for males and one for females.. I have been writting down the questions that pop up frequently and have been creating a perfect list. The look on their faces is awesome!!

My friend Frank the Tank suggested another view on it and to write "congratulations!!! you are the 12th person to ask me to make their wife disseapear tonight!!"

hahaha I love it.. what do you think?

I get asked a bunch of these all the time...I think writing them down on little cards and pulling the proper one from a pocket is a great idea...I'd like to steal this idea from ya. :)
Message: Posted by: RicHeka (Jan 9, 2006 10:56pm)
One time as I was entering a home for a show the slightly inebriated husband asked me (rather seriously)if I could make his wife dissappear?I don't remember what my response was,but after my show the guy was jumping all around and thanking and hugging me yelling..He did it! He did it!Yahooo!.Yippee!

It seems his wife left to go to the stores,and he searched the house for her,and she was nowhere to be found. By that time he was fairly blitzed.I said my farwell's and left post haste.(Smiling all the way home).(I was glad I was paid pre show).

Rich
Message: Posted by: Maro Anglero (Jan 9, 2006 11:19pm)
I was also going to post this topic about the make my wife disappear.

Since the day I started magic I hear that,
Every show I do its; "Can you make my wife disappear??"

I am half Italian and I used to say, I am half Italian and I if I make your wife disappear she will disappear. But at one show I said it to an Italian couple and they looked at me as to say “What the hell do you mean” whoa I never use it again. Now I carry a latter with a
F.B.I. logo I pull it out when I hear those words, Then I say the F.BI. want you to sign this waver so they wont have to look for her. And of course the husband want to be the star of the show come running up and say “I’ll sign”


Message: Posted by: Paolo Venturini (Jan 10, 2006 12:35am)
Get in line!

Paolo Venturini
Message: Posted by: Lee Darrow (Jan 13, 2006 4:43am)
"Can you make my wife disappear?"
Answer: "Yes, but then it wouldn't look like an accident..."
Answer: "Yes, but that which I do to her will come to he who asks me to do it, three times over - meaning YOU will disappear THREE times. Can you afford that much airfare?"
Answer: "No. That's the Sorcerer's Guild. It's a union thing. Sorry."
Answer: "No. The Patriot Act specifically prohibits it."
Answer: "Maybe, but we would have to bring her in on the negotiations, first. The EEOC rules about that are very specific."
Answer: "No. It's an OSHA thing."

Lee Darrow, C.H.
Message: Posted by: rikbrooks (Jan 13, 2006 7:06am)
Sure, but then who would make sure your clothes match? You don't REALLY want to go through life looking like Carrot Top do you?
Message: Posted by: chichi711 (Jan 13, 2006 10:12am)
Quote:

On 2005-03-16 15:38, Eric Leclerc wrote:
Ok, since I saw this thread, I'd like to share something with all of you in here that I have used for the last year or so and is really cool.. I turn the typical questions into a trick!!

I have an index in my coat pocket with 16 things people say all the time.. like..

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can make his wife disseapear"

"the lady in front of me will ask me to make her husband disseapear"

"the gentleman in front of me will say "hey look its david blaine"

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can float in the air"

etc.. I have one for males and one for females.. I have been writting down the questions that pop up frequently and have been creating a perfect list. The look on their faces is awesome!!

My friend Frank the Tank suggested another view on it and to write "congratulations!!! you are the 12th person to ask me to make their wife disseapear tonight!!"

hahaha I love it.. what do you think?


By far the best one on here. It has been a few months since you posted it. Are you still using it? What changes have you made?
Message: Posted by: Stanyon (Jan 13, 2006 10:45am)
"I can't...but if you wish I will consult with my associates Guido and Three Fingers Finelli!"

FWIW

Cheers! ;)

(Remember, a mob actuary can not only tell you when you are going to die, but how and where!)
Message: Posted by: Review King (Jan 13, 2006 11:30am)
It's funny how we always get this line from the laeity.

"Can you make my wife disappear?"

Chris: "Only GOD can make beautiful sunsets vanish"
Message: Posted by: theAmazinbryan (Jan 13, 2006 11:10pm)
I was in a bar with my mentor an we were doing tricks past the time he was performing .I just happened to be the last one to do a trick (triumph)an a guy says cool an freaks at the revelation then he blurts out the line .My response "he's broke"it wasnt harsh in tone but light harted an we all got kick out of it!!My mentor said it was a good read.
thanks Bryan
Message: Posted by: RicHeka (Jan 14, 2006 12:00am)
MagicChris:I love it! "Only God can make beautiful sunsets vanish" Primo!Thanks.

Rich
Message: Posted by: paisa23 (Jan 14, 2006 12:18am)
"Sir From The minute I got to your table I have been working at it. Give me a little time."
Message: Posted by: Review King (Jan 14, 2006 4:53pm)
Quote:

On 2006-01-14 00:00, PaleoMagi wrote:
MagicChris:I love it! "Only God can make beautiful sunsets vanish" Primo!Thanks.

Rich

Feel free to use it. It has always made the fellow proud that he's with someone beautiful (I don't say it to shame him, but to acknowledge his beautiful partner) and the women blush with the compliment.
Message: Posted by: Chris Jones (Jan 14, 2006 7:43pm)
These are some funny heckler come backs guys. I hate it when I get interupted with these comments so I usually answer, "It's not your wife you got to worry about, it's your brother who has been on a spit roast with her." He usually smiles knowingly at this point. 1 point to the magiciain!!

Criss
chuckle chuckle vision..
Message: Posted by: flourish dude (Jan 15, 2006 3:29pm)
Tell them they should spent their time on the Café!
Message: Posted by: Cory Gallupe (Jan 15, 2006 4:53pm)
I get questions asked like this all the time. Can you make my sister dissapear? Are you going to saw me in half? Can you make money appear? Can you fly like that guy on tv? Can you make my money dissapear? (Dont know why they would ask that...) Make sure your cards don't fall out of your sleeve. Those are some common ones, but like everyone here, we are always asked many funny, weird, stupid questions! that's why magic can be so fun, and difficult at the same time.
Here is a come back actually used by a famous magician. (Hes famous, yet I forget his name...) I don't recommend using it, but this is it. He was performing for a late night crowd, people were drinking and getting a little tipsy. Near the end, he was getting fed up from all the hecklers shouting out curse words and making his night a bad one. The man was a little overweight, and a man yelled out. "Why are you soo fat?" To which the magician replied. "Because everytime I F*** you mom she gives me a cookie!" That shut everyone up! I heard this on magicbroadcast, and my dad was doing some work beside me while I was listning, and he found it interesting so he was listning as well. As soon as this was said he was laughing his head off. To this day we still chuckle about it. I forget the interview name, but it was soo funny. The stories this guy had were great!
Message: Posted by: Federico Soldati (Dec 4, 2011 5:20pm)
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you :)
Message: Posted by: Eduardo (Dec 4, 2011 5:38pm)
Quote:

On 2011-12-04 17:20, Federico Soldati wrote:
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you :)
Message: Posted by: Eduardo (Dec 4, 2011 5:45pm)
Quote:

On 2011-12-04 17:20, Federico Soldati wrote:
Any other tips about that? I get that question all the time… I usually tell them "Sir… I am sorry but you must be confusing me with God!"
I also thought (but I never did it) about keeping a clove of garlic in my pocket and to offer it to the one who does the question. I may say: "Sir…it's actually very easy to do and you don't need my help… just eat that every day and she will disappear within a week". This may get a nice laugh. My concern is always to avoid the wife feeling embarrassed. I would appreciate hearing your other lines. Thank you :)


If she is hot, you can tell the guy, Yes I can eat her... if she is ugly, you just say: each one have what deserve... or simply say, lets the magic takes place... or... yhea!!!! I saw you with that guy, yesterday!!!!
Message: Posted by: echomagic (Dec 4, 2011 8:31pm)
I try to make sure I do not embarass or upset either one of them with my reply. My standard line is, "I'm sorry, I'm not that good yet."

I do that with the "can you make my check disappear" comment also. Not exactly the perfect comeback but I would rather take a safer, high road.
Message: Posted by: jay leslie (Dec 5, 2011 3:04pm)
It's 200 up-front.. (hold out hand).. and, I'll get back to you.
Message: Posted by: Bad to the Balloon (Dec 5, 2011 3:44pm)
"Actually she has a deposit on you ... we spoke earlier"
Message: Posted by: General_Magician (Dec 5, 2011 5:53pm)
Quote:

On 2005-03-15 21:21, hocopoco wrote:
People ask me this question (or variations thereof) all the time during walkaround and restaurant work. I have a couple of good/useable retorts, but.....

What is your best...funniest....response?


I don't know if this is my best, funniest response; but it is a response I use a lot: "What do I look like? Moses? I'm a magician, not Moses performing miracles!" I usually try not to bust on the customers or create humor at the customer's expense when replying to such questions.
Message: Posted by: Marc Woods (Dec 10, 2011 8:24am)
The thing with this question is, I don't want to "shut them up" because they are actually going along with my performance.
Off course the guy doesn't realize he is the 12th to ask the same question that evening.

I always try to reply in a respectful way for all people:

"I can make people disappear, but the thing is you never know where you'll end up."
"I could make her disappear but that would be a pity *wink to her*."

The guy is insulting his own wife, by replying with weight jokes his wife is insulted again so I would only insult him if I would do that in the first place.

I like this one:

"She asked me the same question earlier this evenening."

That looks best of both worlds to me...
Message: Posted by: scalito (Dec 10, 2011 10:47am)
I usually say 'right after I make my Mother-in-law disappear'!!!
Message: Posted by: Alym Amlani (Dec 11, 2011 3:22am)
I find that there is no good answer to this, no matter what you say, it's already an uncomfortable situation. He has put her in a bad spot by making the joke, and has made himself look bad too. I do find that the line that does work best in this situation is to shrug, and say, sir, with an attitude like that, I won't have to.

Having said that, I love the idea of having some stock lines already 'predicted'.
Message: Posted by: Jumbopenny (Dec 11, 2011 4:24am)
Yes, I can. I perform that in my grand illusion show. Tickets are $10,000. You got 10 grand?
Message: Posted by: brehan (Dec 19, 2011 3:24am)
I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!
Message: Posted by: brehan (Dec 19, 2011 5:01am)
I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!
Message: Posted by: Decomposed (Dec 19, 2011 11:42pm)
Quote:

On 2011-12-19 03:24, brehan wrote:
I always say somebodys sleeping on the couch tonight
and its not me!


:)
Message: Posted by: MJ Marrs (Dec 21, 2011 5:12pm)
I've always liked Alain Nu's response the best; which goes something like: "Sir, I need all the audience I can get!"
Message: Posted by: VE Day (Dec 21, 2011 6:51pm)
This wife or your other one?
Message: Posted by: MagicJuggler (Dec 23, 2011 6:50am)
I could, but I'd need a shovel and some quick lime.

(depending on how the wife reacts to the request) I think she may be thinking of doing that already.

Why? Did the insurance policy get approved?

If I can't make MY wife dissapear, what makes you think I'll have any more luck with yours?
Message: Posted by: Magicmike221 (Dec 23, 2011 8:49am)
Don't know wether or not its been said but for the past 12 yrs my Response has been......
"Been trying that with my wife for the past 25 yrs ....& she's still there!!"
Message: Posted by: Adam1975 (Dec 23, 2011 1:29pm)
Can you make my wife disappear ?
Just carry on being yourself sir,she`ll vanish soon enough. :lol:
Message: Posted by: djurmann (Dec 26, 2011 6:46pm)
Really like "No. That's the Sorcerer's Guild. It's a union thing. Sorry." but prefer the sunset line as it flatters both parties. No desire to **** off someone who is enjoying my act..
Message: Posted by: 55Hudson (Dec 27, 2011 12:27am)
Quote:

On 2011-12-26 18:46, djurmann wrote:
Really like "No. That's the Sorcerer's Guild. It's a union thing. Sorry." but prefer the sunset line as it flatters both parties. No desire to **** off someone who is enjoying my act..


Best answer ever!

Hudson
Message: Posted by: Tim Dowd (Dec 27, 2011 2:43am)
Magicians don't make things disappear, they make things invisible.... You don't want that do you?
Message: Posted by: jugglestruck (Dec 29, 2011 10:50am)
I always thought that a good response to "Can you make my wife disappear" or any of the similar comments so often made is to genuinely laugh like you have never heard it before.
People often say things like this because they are nervous or they want to make an impression on their friends and they are looking for a laugh - why not give it to them? By all means after you have laughed look at the wife and shrug and say "What can you do?" or whatever but maybe give the guy his moment of glory.

Six months ago my girlfriend broke her arm and after it was plastered in hospital the doctor said to rest it for 6 weeks. I said "But who's going to do the washing up?". He laughed as he got with his notes. Afterwards my girlfriend said "How often do you think he has heard that before?"
Of course he had heard that before, countless times probably, though to me it was a new experience just as seeing a magician is a unique experience for most people too.

I once watched a stand-up comedian get heckled by someone and the heckle was very funny. Instead of putting him down the comedian just said "Now you are a funny guy!". It was a really nice moment.

I'm not saying it is the only way to go but maybe, before leaping in with a riposte, just let the spectator have his moment when he makes a funny.
Message: Posted by: dduane (Dec 29, 2011 10:58pm)
I think I'm going to use jugglestruck's reaction followed by Tim's comment. Sometimes I say, "Come on now... won't you miss that pretty face?"
Message: Posted by: Dorianmagic (Jan 3, 2012 10:05am)
[quote]
On 2005-03-15 22:08, Lee Darrow wrote:
"Hey! This is Chicago - ANYBODY can disappear for only $50! Of course, in MY neighborhood, it's down to $19.95 - and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu Knives!"

Thanks Lee, that's one of the best I've heard
Message: Posted by: JamieUK (Jan 13, 2012 8:23am)
Make him a blindfold out of a table napkin, then continue with the show?
Message: Posted by: Eduardo (Jan 13, 2012 2:20pm)
Just say "YES WE CAN..."
Message: Posted by: Dr_J_Ayala (Jan 13, 2012 2:33pm)
Quote:

On 2012-01-13 08:23, JamieUK wrote:
Make him a blindfold out of a table napkin, then continue with the show?


This one is actually pretty funny! It accomplishes what they ask without really offending anyone.
Message: Posted by: Bad to the Balloon (Jan 14, 2012 10:36pm)
Dave Hill of http://themagicdollarstore.com

Has some silks with a picture and words on of it of husband and wife 6" silk you can vanish.

Not on his website but I saw them at a convention this weekend!! call him up and order up tell him I sent ya!!
Message: Posted by: Leppy (Jan 16, 2012 10:55pm)
Have a clear cup filled about halfway with nickles, when they ask, drop another one in and say something like, and that's just today...see if they catch the "If I had a nickle" reference and don't say anything else...
Message: Posted by: ringmaster (Jan 19, 2012 2:28pm)
"Henny Youngman, 1949"
Message: Posted by: Brent McLeod (Jan 21, 2012 4:11pm)
Quote:

On 2006-01-15 16:53, Cory Gallupe wrote:

Here is a come back actually used by a famous magician. (Hes famous, yet I forget his name...) I don't recommend using it, but this is it. He was performing for a late night crowd, people were drinking and getting a little tipsy. Near the end, he was getting fed up from all the hecklers shouting out curse words and making his night a bad one. The man was a little overweight, and a man yelled out. "Why are you soo fat?" To which the magician replied. "Because everytime I F*** you mom she gives me a cookie!" That shut everyone up!


Great Line!!!-Hilarious...
Message: Posted by: Lefebure (Jan 30, 2012 6:22pm)
Well, I don't know if it sounds good translated in english but in France, I answer most of the time
" Sorry, I perform magic, not miracles !"
" Well, yes, I can do it, but if you are interested please join the waiting list, I am full until 2015 for that"
Message: Posted by: Hugh Entwistle (Jan 31, 2012 2:28am)
No! WHat do you think I am, a magician?"
Message: Posted by: Kit (Feb 12, 2012 4:03pm)
I perform magic, not miracles.
Message: Posted by: Eduardo (Feb 12, 2012 5:17pm)
Quote:

On 2012-02-12 16:03, Kit wrote:
I perform magic, not miracles.


Please, stop say that... I think I heard this expression from every french magician in the past....

This is not funny, and nothing special at all...

Say something diferent and subtle, something like...

Including the airbags?
Message: Posted by: Kit (Feb 16, 2012 8:16am)
I always get a laugh when I say this to them. In the past 6 years that I have been performing magic I have probably been asked if I can make their wife dissapear 100 times, and everytime I say the above line, I have always get a laugh.

It may be the 100th time you have heard it, but for spectators it's the first time they have seen a magician in person, and it's certainly the first time they have asked the qustion, so to them that answer is funny and different.

To be honest people read far too much into one liners and trying to catch out spectators. Just get a laugh, big or small and move onto the next routine, I have been asked the question far too many times to care enough to focus on giving a different answer each time. The above works for me, it gets a laugh.
Message: Posted by: Keith Raygor (Feb 16, 2012 11:33am)
"Sir, if you keep that up, I won't need to."
Message: Posted by: rhettbryson (Feb 16, 2012 3:37pm)
I, too, have been pounded with this question. My stock response has been "I don't think you want me to do that as I don't think you could afford my fee."
Message: Posted by: Jamie D. Grant (Feb 20, 2012 12:16pm)
If she isn't present: "Absolutely." turning completely serious, for a beat. I'm a super smiley guy, so it's a funny change.

If she's present: "And..(turning to her) counteroffers?" When she replies or laughs, I'll laugh in response and say, "Lol, you guys are awesome. What a fun group. Here, let me show you this."
Message: Posted by: Douglas.M (Feb 23, 2012 10:32pm)
Quote:

On 2011-12-21 17:12, MJ Marrs wrote:
I've always liked Alain Nu's response the best; which goes something like: "Sir, I need all the audience I can get!"


This is really the best. It isn't insulting, it kind of changes the focus away from the Wife and back to the show, it's slightly self-deprecating and it's funny.

Douglas M.
Message: Posted by: Ken Abbott (Feb 24, 2012 3:03pm)
How about "Don't worry, after watching a couple of my tricks she will probably disappear on her own". Said in jest, I don't think this self depracating remark hurt their image of you. No one gets insulted and you go on with your magic.
Message: Posted by: Alex Rapattoni (Feb 24, 2012 6:45pm)
Quote:

On 2012-02-20 12:16, Jamie D. Grant wrote:
and say"Lol, you guys are awesome. What a fun group. Here, let me show you this."


Do you actually say "Lol"? ;) This is the best response in this thread, it's funny, doesn't offend anyone, and leads into an effect.

Although the nickel gag is pretty funny.
Message: Posted by: ibraa (Feb 24, 2012 6:51pm)
If anyone found this spell, please let me know!
Message: Posted by: Jamie D. Grant (Feb 25, 2012 12:19pm)
Quote:

On 2012-02-24 18:45, Alex Rapattoni wrote:
Quote:

On 2012-02-20 12:16, Jamie D. Grant wrote:
and say"Lol, you guys are awesome. What a fun group. Here, let me show you this."


Do you actually say "Lol"? ;) This is the best response in this thread, it's funny, doesn't offend anyone, and leads into an effect.

Although the nickel gag is pretty funny.


There will probably come a day where I start to say, "Lol" (lol). That might actually be funny: instead of laughing, you just go, "Lol, lol, lol." Or maybe not. I could also mention that when I say "You guys are awesome!" I put a slight emphasis on the word "awesome" and say it a tad louder to give the impression to people standing nearby that someone else is saying that in regards to something I might have just done. I don't yell it or anything, but it has a slight rise to it. But now we're getting too deep in the game, I reckon. I probably spend waaaay too much time to on these little details when I should be practicing my faros, lol lol lol.
Message: Posted by: nicolas1447 (Apr 4, 2012 7:32am)
Quote:

On 2005-03-16 15:38, Eric Leclerc wrote:
Ok, since I saw this thread, I'd like to share something with all of you in here that I have used for the last year or so and is really cool.. I turn the typical questions into a trick!!

I have an index in my coat pocket with 16 things people say all the time.. like..

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can make his wife disseapear"

"the lady in front of me will ask me to make her husband disseapear"

"the gentleman in front of me will say "hey look its david blaine"

"the gentleman in front of me will ask me if I can float in the air"

etc.. I have one for males and one for females.. I have been writting down the questions that pop up frequently and have been creating a perfect list. The look on their faces is awesome!!

My friend Frank the Tank suggested another view on it and to write "congratulations!!! you are the 12th person to ask me to make their wife disseapear tonight!!"

hahaha I love it.. what do you think?


Williamson had something similar where he would have a board behind him (hidden with a backdrop). Everytime someone would say this line during his show, he would open the curtain to show the board and would do another tick... He had another one saying can you change my $1 to $100. I guess you could have a page in your note pad and do something similar...
Message: Posted by: Barrett_James (May 19, 2012 11:52pm)
Quote:

On 2012-02-20 12:16, Jamie D. Grant wrote:

If she's present: "And..(turning to her) counteroffers?" When she replies or laughs, I'll laugh in response and say, "Lol, you guys are awesome. What a fun group. Here, let me show you this."


Best-Line-E-V-E-R!! "Counteroffer?"!!! OMG I shot soda out of my nose when I read it! Too Awesome Jamie. Cool if I totally steal this from you?

Regards,

Barrett James
Message: Posted by: Wravyn (May 20, 2012 1:34pm)
When asked "Can you make my wife disappear??" and crime rates are as they are...
'You know, we are in/so close to (name big city), for the right price, anyone can disappear, but not by me.'
Message: Posted by: ku7uk3 (May 21, 2012 1:23pm)
Sure, let me start with her moustache.

I could try, but it seems like your brother is already taking her away for me...

I could turn her into a frog for you. It's quite easy, she's already half way there.

Steve
Message: Posted by: Brainbu$ter (May 22, 2012 2:01am)
Whenever someone challenges me to perform something I cannot do at the moment, I say,
"I never abuse my powers."
Message: Posted by: Zombie Magic (May 22, 2012 2:14am)
Quote:

On 2012-05-21 13:23, ku7uk3 wrote:
Sure, let me start with her moustache.

I could try, but it seems like your brother is already taking her away for me...

I could turn her into a frog for you. It's quite easy, she's already half way there.

Steve


Don't give up your day job as a Walmart greeter.
Message: Posted by: Brainbu$ter (May 22, 2012 11:02am)
That's a great idea, Jamie D. Grant. Reminds me of the DR principle in mentalism.
I've seen a few magicians use this, like Chappy Brazil. I wouldn't want to get caught though, looking more amazed at the climax than any audience member.
It's sort of like leaning back against a wall as you talk to people, to give the room the impression that those people approached or stopped at you, and want to hang out with you. You orchestrated or choreographed it.

We could come up with many lines like this, that mean one thing to our spectators, and to the spectators behind us who have yet to beg for a trick (haha), means something else:

"I never thought I'd meet a person like you in my lifetime!"

"Oh my god. I can feel it! You're hurting me!"
Message: Posted by: Brainbu$ter (May 22, 2012 12:51pm)
The opposite of this is embodied by David Blaine.
He doesn't seem surprised at all when the magic happens. This seems to disturb (in a good way) the audience even more, giving the appearance of reserve power.
Message: Posted by: Merc Man (May 22, 2012 7:56pm)
If the Wife/Girlfriend is present, perform 'Twisted Sisters' and end with - "sorry fella, you're clearly both 100% compatible and stuck with each other for life".
Message: Posted by: MaxfieldsMagic (May 22, 2012 9:33pm)
Quote:

On 2012-05-22 19:56, Merc Man wrote:
If the Wife/Girlfriend is present, perform 'Twisted Sisters' and end with - "sorry fella, you're clearly both 100% compatible and stuck with each other for life".


Ha! With echo effect, trailing of in volume, "for life...for life...for life..."
Message: Posted by: Tony Thomas (Jun 22, 2012 12:34am)
I got this question yesterday. I said....

Listen, if you haven't made her disappear yet, there is no way that I will be able to make her disappear!

That one got a pretty good laugh from the husband, & the wife seemed to appreciate the response as well.
Message: Posted by: Russell Davidson (Jun 22, 2012 6:25am)
"You've actually got a wife? Wow. There's hope for us all."

"I can only make her vanish for one night. And it'll cost you."

"Careful what you wish for sir. She may disappear of her own accord. With half of everything!"
Message: Posted by: Marc Woods (Jun 24, 2012 12:52pm)
Quote:

On 2012-05-22 02:01, Brainbu$ter wrote:
Whenever someone challenges me to perform something I cannot do at the moment, I say,
"I never abuse my powers."

That's a nice one...no one gets hurt and it will probably get a laugh!
Message: Posted by: zmg013 (Jun 25, 2012 6:06pm)
I charge by the pound!
Message: Posted by: zmg013 (Jun 25, 2012 6:06pm)
Be careful or I will cut her in half then you will have 2.
Message: Posted by: mrsmiles (Jun 28, 2012 10:41am)
Q. "Can you make my wife disappear??"
A. "No, but I can bang her for you when you have disappeared from the house"

How would that go down?

Don't answer it, was a... :)
Message: Posted by: S2000magician (Jun 28, 2012 10:43am)
Quote:
On 2012-06-25 18:06, zmg013 wrote:
I charge by the pound!


Quote:
On 2005-03-16 01:44, S2000magician wrote:
Jeff McBride:

"Yes I can . . . I charge by the pound."

;)