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Matt Malinas
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The fastest way to drink a beer is to pour it directly into your stomach. you can achieve this with a little practice. it's not particularly healthy for your stomach but it is the fastest way as you do not have to waste time swallowing. I learned this while I was still in high school. still wins me money once in a while.

-Matt
Your One Stop Booze Abusing Comedy Magic Show!
ccccchunt
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Here is a good one to pull on that person that always brags about how much they can drink:

Bet them that they cannot drink a 1 oz. shot of beer every minute for an hour!!

Most people think this will be very easy because a shot is quite small, however, if you total it out this is 5 beers in an hour (12 oz size). Another thing they do not realize is that taking in small steady quantities overrides the bodies natural protection and it absorbs the alchohol in the beer much faster. This is especially true with imported brews with a higher alchohol content.

A lot of guys used to do this in college to get drunk when they were low on cash!!!!

I guarantee this person will be VERY tipsy at the end of the hour!!!
AnthonyMaze
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There was a guy on "THE MAN SHOW" on comedy central and he would down 2 pints in a matter of 2-3 seconds. It was incredible. He would do it at the end of the show sometimes.

Im sure there is a clip on youtube somewhere...
...for the 51st time... that is NOT my card...
MagicSanta
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A. Maze! Haaa haa!
kcg5
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who wants four fried chickens and a coke
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Yeah, but that guy on the man show died... of liver disease...


To the gentleman with stories of the military, and to the man with the son in the marines-i would like to thanks you for the sacrifices that yourselves and your familes have made for our country.


kevin
Nobody expects the spanish inquisition!!!!!



"History will be kind to me, as I intend to write it"- Sir Winston Churchill
stache
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Actually Red, from The Man Show, died from prostate cancer or more to the point "complications from prostate cancer" I remember a docter friend of mine telling me that no one dies from the disease anymore, they die from the complications that come with having the disease. Just remember that early detection is the key to stopping this killer.

On a brighter note, ccccchunt thank you for the little scientific point, though I myself am not a beer drinker I have a lot of friends that are and I am sure that the same idea will work with rum just as well. I will have to try it tonight.

Back to the subject of this thread, there is a great drinking contest cheat on another thread about drinking three beers while the other person drinks three shots. The rules state that niether person can touch any of the other person's glasses. You down a beer then invert the glass and put it over one of the shots before the other person has a chance to drink all of the shots. that's a great little idea, I think.
iambest
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I know some Russians that usually drink about 1.5 litres of Vodka per man, in about 2h. Every friday and saturday. One of them even got into the local newspaper when he fell from the balcony from the 5th floor, there was a party up there. Guess what happened to him?

He got up, and went back to the party!

The headline was:

Vodka Saved!
Pauldela
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I love doing that Santa!
Rodentia
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Back to the subject of this thread, there is a great drinking contest cheat on another thread about drinking three beers while the other person drinks three shots. The rules state that niether person can touch any of the other person's glasses. You down a beer then invert the glass and put it over one of the shots before the other person has a chance to drink all of the shots. that's a great little idea, I think.

Brian Brushwood covers this in one of his youtube episodes.
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mindguru
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I'm not sure if it's a cheat but the only thing that has worked for me is eating a meal just before to help soak up the alcohol, or plain bread.
epIFany
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My uncle is a Dr. and another Dr. in his office bet a guy he could drink the longest without passing out or going to the bathroom. It was a considerable bet, I believe $1000.00. The Dr. put in a catheter. He drank a lot of water before he went so the the flowing process started soon after he got there.
kal
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I don't know if this is essentially about 'fastest drinking' tricks/scams but one I have used...ahem...heard of, involves having a very important accomplish.
So someone, lets call him "mal", sits at the bar drinking, and eventually gets to boasting. He's clearly had a few already. Eventually someone challenges him.
So he says let's have a contest, we'll both drink vodka (at least I will, that's my drink, you can have whatever spirit you want). Loser pays for the drinks.
Suffice to say, 'mal' drinks the other fellow literally under the table within an hour or so. The fellow has to pay up (or his friends).
The loser pays for about a full bottle of vodka. The half he drank and the half I drank.

If you can't figure it out it's pretty simple. There is a bottle each and the barman is in on it. He pours my, eh 'mals' drinks from a bottle filled with water. A little act and a lot of balls and you both split the money for the second vodka bottle.

Not that I would ever encourage excessive drinking or gambling of course. Smile
I'm always honest about when I'm lying. And I'm always lying...
vanp8
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When I was in the Army I saw a beer drinking contest with a special mug from Germany. The premise was it was a left handed beer mug. It had holes all around the rim like a dribble glass. the bet was you couldn't take a drink of beer without spilling some on yourself. The person who brought the mug could drink beer all night with out spilling a drop he always made sure to pick mug up with his left hand. They always kept adding beer to the mug before it was empty because the secret was hole in bottom of mug was attached to hole on rim which was used like straw to drink beer and to spit out mouthful to prove a drink had been taken. Without knowledge of secret you ended up with beer all over you and wallet lighter.
griffindance
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That post on Andre the Giant was more than impressive (2 bottles of Vodka = Warm and fuzzy inside) but its moved.

Newest link is here http://www.drunkard.com/issues/10_06/10_06_andre_giant.html
aalexander
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I remembered reading about the KGB developing pills so that their spies would be able to drink without being drunk. Did some searching and it turns out the story is at least half true. They were pills made to increase the metabolism of alcohol, and are rumoured to have started as a KGB project. No controlled trials have proved their effectiveness, but they are now sold as hangover cures. Here's a link.

For someone who is compiling a history of being able to consume lots of alcohol or pretend to have, it seems like a good fit. Either as an amazing true story, or an amazing marketing gimmick and legend for some pills.

-Aaron.
TheRedFez
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In one of Marilyn Manson's books he mentions a trick similar to kal's. He gets in a drinking contest with a groupie that had been getting on his nerves. The groupie was taking shots of Jose Cuervo while Manson was drinking shots of flat pbr.

I've used that trick to win a lot of bets. Buy a pbr when you walk into the bar, and leave it open for a while. Then you walk up to the biggest guy in the bar, and bet that he would lose a drinking contest with anyone in the bar. When he picks the smallest girl in the bar, you go and get some shots and empty glasses.

Flat pbr is disgusting, so she'll make a face. You have to have a really good "inside joke smile" to keep her from revealing it though.
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