You know that you're a magician when ...

You worry about spending certain change in your pocket.

You bottom deal when playing Go Fish.

You carry 6 decks on you.

You have a deck of cards, some half dollars, or some quarters within arms reach of the toilet.

You have nightmares about hecklers.

You have to take Loops off your wrist before getting in the shower.

You forget you are wearing a TT until you realize that you can’t type correctly.

You have your local magic shop on speed dial.

It is hard for you to say the numbers 1, 11, 12, 13, and 14 but you CAN say Ace, Jack, Queen, and King.

The only unbent forks in your house are plastic.

You sneeze and immediately produce a Kleenex.

You get emotional when shuffling a new deck.

You are scared to invite any layman friends over in fear of them seeing one of your gimmicks that are lying around.

You can't find one of your cards, and it's in a guy's pocket across the room

You spend $20 for a half dollar

A Bike to you is a deck of cards

All your bottles of water have the caps inside the bottle

Your left hand is constantly in a mechanics grip, even without cards

You have more decks of cards than you've had hot dinners

People stop lending you money, or borrowing it due to the fact you can never quite give it back to them

You perform one handed cuts that you can't remember doing

You tenkai palm a pop tart

You have an ace of spades taped to the back window of your car.

You’re looking for your cards on the ceiling at the mall.

You can't go out in public without being asked to Levitate.

All your pocket change is bent.

Your friends watch their forks as they eat in front of you.

You always have flash paper in your wallet.

You've opened a can of soup and found someone's signed dollar.

The term "cups and balls" doesn't make you snicker

You have a chip in your tooth from biting the wrong quarter

Everything you see makes you think of how to vanish, palm or produce it

You get emotional when you have to throw away a deck of cards

You never throw old decks away because "I can make something out of it"

You decide what clothes to buy based on how many props you can carry

You have a problem counting four cards.

You fear metal detectors.

You watch intently whenever there's someone playing cards in a film, just to see if they're using a Bicycle deck

You take out a deck of cards and all your friends run out of the room, screaming.

You always walk around with three different decks of cards in your pockets because each one is set up for a different trick.

You pull the four aces out of the deck, only to lose them back into the deck, just so you can find them again!

Instead of just spreading four cards and showing that there are four – you count them!

You refer to everyday objects as "ordinary".

You can have a heated debate whether is pronounced "Day" or "Die".

You have more than a dozen open decks of cards and cartons of unopened ones.

You accidentally do a double while playing "Go Fish!”

You are the only one that can have fun with a Blank Deck.

Every coin that you receive gets "accidentally" palmed.

You have 101 retorts for the question "How did you do that?"

You have a dog named "Houdini".

Someone asks you for your card you give them the Ace of Spades.

You have never been to the loony bin, yet you own a straight jacket.

No one will play cards with you.

The oldest deck of cards in use in your possession was purchased a week ago and you're ready to toss it.

The thought of bending or writing on a playing card doesn't throw you for a loop anymore.

It matters to you how someone shuffles your deck.

You back-palm your movie ticket and produce it out of thin air.

Someone asks for a piece of rope, and you pull one from your pocket.

You pay more for blank cards than those that are printed

The Raven to you is not a bird.

When you play the game "cheat" YOU ACTUALLY CHEAT!

All your coins are signed by other people.

You shuffle a deck of cards and none of them change order.

After viewing magic on TV, everyone in the room looks at you asks, "How'd they do that?" And, all you do is smile and say, "It's really easy if you think about it, but magicians can tell." And you're really thinking "How the heck did they do that?"

You can say with full honesty that you handle a bike better than Lance Armstrong.

You shake a persons hand with your electric touch on without noticing.

Instead of asking someone for the time, you just steal their watch.

And lastly,

Asked to shuffle the cards, you have to stop and think how to do a real shuffle.

Good lines, David.

When some is holding a gun to your head demanding their money back from 3 Card Monte.

When you work 45 minutes in a day, but drive 4 hours to get there.

When the airport screener mouths "what the $%^&" as she looks at the xray of your carry-on.

When you envy great mentalists not for their mind reading skills or showmanship, but their lack of props.

When your wife yells at you saying, "Shut those doves up!"

You always have a collapsed appearing cane in your pocket.

When you examine your change carefully before making a payment.

You go to the grocery store and the kids run up to you and ask to see a trick

You never leave your house without your magic wand.

Posted: Sep 18, 2009 11:53pm
People say you perform like Dynamike.

You wear your tux to the coal mine you work in...

You walk in someone's house for 30 minutes, do a few stunts and leaving with $300.

Your pockets are always filled with close-up items.

When you can perform a 101 Linking Ring routine.

You can do a decent pass...

Your house has a "I believe in Magic" wall hanging in it someplace...

You are wearing a huge button that says "I'm a MAGICIAN!"

MORE.................

You might be a magician if…

1. Your best pickup line is "Pick a card."

2. You use the word "effect" rather than "trick".

3. You pay $50 for a $1 coin.

4. A "shell" is not something found on a beach.

5. All your friends call you when magic is on TV.

6. You never play card games with your cards.

7. While watching a movie or TV, you have cards in your hands.

8. You pose for a photo with one eyebrow raised!

9. You pay $60.00 for a book and get, possibly, one or two useful things out of it and you're happy.

10. Your Christmas/Birthday wish list looks like a magic catalogue.

11. If you've ever been asked the question "can you make my wife disappear"?

12. You’re back-ordered for rabbits and doves at the pet store.

13. 75% of your patter consists of lame one-liners.

14. You drive 300 miles round trip to visit a teeney-tiny store.

16. There’s a pack of cards in sight as you read these words.

17. You're holding a fan of cards in every photo that you're in.

18. You actually want to go to a lecture.

19. You record every magic special on TV.

20. You have a tie with playing cards on it.

22. Anytime you see someone you want to meet, you start rolling a coin or doing one-handed shuffles with a deck.

24. Your idea of the perfect proposal is Copperfields 'Rose to Ring'

26. The post office calls to tell you that you have ANOTHER package in.

27. Your entire friends name starts with "The Amazing" or "The Great".

29. You have your local magic shop on speed dial.

30. You can lose your thumb and you visit the magic shop instead of the emergency ward.

31. You pay to see a lecture, buy a written version of what was just demonstrated to you, and then buy a manufactured version of something in the notes.

33. You have so much magic stuff in your room that it’s considered a fire hazard.

34. You have more elastic bands than a stationary shop.

35. You spend hours trying to rearrange the letters in your name to use on stage (only to come back years later using your real name).

39. You expect people to think ‘it's magic’ when it took you half an hour to set up.

40. You own a top hat, cape and cane and have never gone to the opera.

41. You began demonstrating the mysteries of ancient China at the age of 9.

42. Someone actually hands you a fork and says please bend this.

43. You say 'how’s tricks?' to a friend and get a 2 hour lecture.

44. You pretended to be insane just to get the straight jacket.

45. You can say "I will now penetrate ..." with a straight face.

46. "Bikes and Ho’s" is not a funny phrase to you.

51. If you know everyone in the L&L audience by name. (Davey Richardson - Joel Dresnick)

52. You've convinced yourself that feathers actually look like flowers.

53. Your handwriting is better with a Swami gimmick than it is with a real pen. (Lee Darrow)

54. You have to do a 20 minute show at the airport security station because they don't believe what's on your business card. (Lee Darrow)

55. If you owe more to Jim Steinmeyer than your annual income. (Jordan Allen)

56. You buy your son a ball and vase instead of a ball and glove. (Ray Kosby)

57. You mail-order something that the supplier says will vanish and don’t for a second think it might be some sort of a scam. (Rory Burdack)

58. You have used lame jokes such as:

"Hold out your hand... no the clean one!"

"Pick any card... anyone you like... no! not that one!"

59. Every time you pull out your credit card you instantly tenkai. (Davis Mueller)

60. You have enough playing cards to host a world series poker competition. (Troye Keuvelaar)

Every time you learn a new card trick, you run to your wife grinning from ear to ear as she looks at you as if her very soul is being eaten away by the second.

Your closet is full of playing cards up to the ceiling.

You force one of your credit cards on the cashier...

Your first word after birth was "magic."