...refuse to perform rope tricks because you need it to keep your pants up.

Posted: Feb 22, 2010 7:34am
His best illusion was The Outhouse Vanish.
He performed it once and was never seen again.

... you do a stock car vanish ...

... you carry a picture of Lance Burton in your wallet.

Can't do Ring On Shoelace because you have boots.

Your version of Chained Lightning involves chains, JD and the General Lee

The only jail escape you know is every Monday after you sober-up

You use fire flies instead of D'lights

You load your entire birthday party show in the 18 wheeler just to go half a mile

You practice holding you breath like you're doing an underwater escape but you're really in an outhouse.

You do the old "Have a Peanut" joke but you really did suck the chocolate off each one.

Stop me when you've had enough,

How do you do it??? You must be a redneck magician???

The first effect performed at every table is Rang on Strang...

As a joke, the volunteers from the audience give YOU small packets of hand sanitiser as a thank you.

Your colour changing cloth is nothing more then a hand towel and grease from your hands.

You always dreamed of wrestling a bear, as part of your act, but were afraid you'd hurt the bear.

You keep asking Porper to make all the poker chip tricks in gool ol fashon Checkers.

Your Paper Balls Over Head is done with the same toilet paper you used ten years ago because you hate to waste good paper. Yes it takes longer to put it back on the roll but you'll have it if you need it.

You use duct tape on a toilet float because you want to keep your original Zombie Ball in mint condition.

Color changing teeth

You keep your "bang wand" in a rack in your pickup.

Sawing the possum in half...
with a chainsaw.

You perform to Conway Twitty music...

The audience is asked to spin socket wrenches instead of applauding.

Your cups for cups and balls are the bumper tips from an old Cadillac.

Your close-up table is whatever pallet fits on the forks of your fork lift.

Posted: Feb 23, 2010 8:47pm
OHHHHHHH I really should quit after this one.

You were on a budget so you tore-up a old mattress for the spring, and made your own Rocky Raccoon.

(OK so you missed one meal.... but what's one meal in the scheme of things considering how much joy you will bring to the audience... What? Did I say something wrong?)

.
... you have the theme from the Dukes of Hazzard as the ringtone on your business phone.
.

You produce 2 possums named goober and gomer...

... and they're named after your kids.

And they have matress springs inside them.

... you preface ever trick with, "Hay yall, watch this!"

Your kornwinder car is a 1969 Dodge Charger...

... your Mis-made Flag is the stars and bars.

When your "Bill to Lemon" is teleporting your buddy into a broken down Ford