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Neznarf
Inner circle
NY then AZ now
1205 Posts
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Posted: Feb 10, 2011 12:45am
So how bad is the economy really doing, you ask?
Jury Duty is now considered a good-paying job.
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
African television stations are now showing 'Sponsor an American Child' commercials!
I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
My ATM gave me an IOU!
A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with the purchase was a bank.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.
McDonald's is now selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned the names of their children.
My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .
Motel Six won't leave the light on for you anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
One of the casinos in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
"Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass...it's about learning how to dance in the rain."
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magicgeorge
Inner circle
Belfast
3992 Posts
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Posted: Feb 10, 2011 6:00am
Who wrote these?
Magician Belfast
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 10, 2011 8:00am
The economy is so bad that Dialing for Dollars is calling collect!
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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Father Photius
Grammar Host
El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo)
15702 Posts
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Posted: Feb 10, 2011 10:20pm
The IRS makes you send a self addressed stamped envelope to get your refund.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 10, 2011 10:23pm
State troopers have to hitch hike.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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Father Photius
Grammar Host
El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo)
15702 Posts
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Posted: Feb 10, 2011 11:29pm
Bums hold up signs that say "this space and site for rent"
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 11, 2011 9:35pm
Parking meters are offering quantity discounts.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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Floyd Collins
Inner circle
Ohio
1598 Posts
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Posted: Feb 11, 2011 9:44pm
Quote:
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On 2011-02-10 06:00, magicgeorge wrote:
Who wrote these?
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It reads like a letterman top 10 to me but more 
No one said it would be easy, or did they?
Check out my all new book "Chicken Scratches" visit my lulu store for more information.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/thecenterstage
http://www.collinscomedymagic.com
http://www.mysticfloyd.com
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 11, 2011 9:46pm
Magicians are having to produce stuffed rabbits.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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joseph
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
14391 Posts
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Posted: Feb 12, 2011 2:24pm
Ross Perot stopped tipping...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 12, 2011 11:23pm
Trump has started taking his lunch from home.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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joseph
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
14391 Posts
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Posted: Feb 13, 2011 8:20am
The president cut his 8 vacations to 25 days each...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Father Photius
Grammar Host
El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo)
15702 Posts
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Posted: Feb 13, 2011 5:38pm
The city of El Paso started requiring permits to obtain building permits to fix the things the city caused to be broken by their poor management of utility services.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 14, 2011 8:06am
Crossing guards are coin operated.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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joseph
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
14391 Posts
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Posted: Feb 14, 2011 9:29pm
There are parking meters in the church parking lot...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 14, 2011 11:25pm
The 911 system is part of Pay per View.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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joseph
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
14391 Posts
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Posted: Feb 19, 2011 12:57am
You ride your tricycle to the magic store...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 19, 2011 6:08pm
Provides free bailouts for thieves.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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joseph
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
14391 Posts
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Posted: Feb 21, 2011 11:51am
Lowered my 401k to 201k...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 22, 2011 8:00am
We drink the beer so we can sell the cans.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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joseph
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
14391 Posts
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Posted: Feb 26, 2011 8:01am
You add moonshine to your fuel tank...
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: Feb 27, 2011 9:26pm
The President expects us to use both sides of the toilet paper.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: May 16, 2011 10:38am
Pretending that reducing the deficit doesn't increase the total debt.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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hbwolkov
Inner circle
2886 Posts
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Posted: May 22, 2011 10:23am
Milk will soon be packaged in one oz containers.
Northern California
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: May 22, 2011 9:26pm
Judges are being laid off by the crooks.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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The Donster
Inner circle
4813 Posts
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Posted: May 23, 2011 7:39pm
The Economy is so Bad that they had to Lay OFF Johnson from Johnson & Johnsons
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: May 24, 2011 5:56pm
The Economy is so Bad that hitchhikers are buying insurance.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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hbwolkov
Inner circle
2886 Posts
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Posted: May 30, 2011 12:47am
Larry Ellison is only making a 8 figure salary.
Northern California
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Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
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Posted: May 30, 2011 5:00pm
The economy is so bad that the employees at Dollar Tree have to wait for a sale there to buy what they want.
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
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Father Photius
Grammar Host
El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo)
15702 Posts
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Posted: May 30, 2011 9:23pm
They are giving 50% off coupons for the purchase of gold.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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