My wife recently had shoulder surgery. While in the recovery area the drugs were not taking the edge off her pain, but were sling her a bit loopy. She began to start cursing up a storm (years ago she worked collections for a trucking company and developed quite a colorful vocabulary). The wonderful nurse she had was trying to calm her and began using the word "Yikes!" in counterpoint to my wife's words. The quote of the day occurred when they moved my wife's arm and it shot a bolt of oain thru her shoulder. She let out a few choice words and the nurse joined by saying "Yikes". The nurse then said "yikes is a good word. It's a good word to use in times like this." To which my wife replied "You mean instead of G** D*** I*!"

So it got me thinking...what are some suitable substitutes folks use for obscenities?

Many, MANY years ago, my wife and I used to go to Coney Island for the day. My wife loves thrill rides, Cyclone, Twister, et. al. but for some reason the "Wonder Wheel" threw her for a loop.



We were in one of the cars that was on a loop and as we started to roll along the tracks she grabbed me and shouted; "Potatoes!" She did this several times as the car rolled along on the track. Later she said she'd seen a group of little girls in the car ahead and didn't want to ruin their day with what she'd WANTED to scream out!

Those of you on the West Coast can experience this as well (although for a LOT more money.) as Disney's California Adventure has a "Mickey-themed" Wonder Wheel of its own.

I like it when SpongeBob says, "Oh tartar sauce!"

Italians can express themselves very colorfully with wordless gestures.

If you want to here a lot of Substitutes for obscenities, you ought to visit Utah. Mormons have quite a number of them.

Oh fetch!
Heck!
Freakin!
Heck Yeah!

Here's a list of quite a few although I'll admit to not having ever heard quite a few of them.
http://mormonswearwords.blogspot.com/p/m......msw.html

Johnny Dangerously had some good ideas.

My daughter used to say "Fart Nuggets".

I've always liked the nonsense noises like you hear Joe Pesci sometimes make in "Home Alone". Lots of cartoon characters do it, too. "Somuhritzofrazin...." or similar

I knew a guy once who would say, "Aw, sugar". But that wasn't in response to anything significant, so it doesn't really apply, here.

There is no substitute for the real thing. When I drop a hammer onto my foot, "Oh my goodness!" just doesn't give me the same relief.

A while back I was reading an article about the most common last words uttered by airplane pilots just before a crash. "Oh Darn!" wasn't on the list.

My dad, who was a swede, used to yell "Yishpasneeata", if he hit his thumb with a hammer or something like that. (That's the best I can do phonetically.) I used to think it was a Swedish swear word but no Swede I've ever said it to recognized it.

"Potatoes!" Love it. I could of used it following my open heart surgery. Well, expect for all the tubes down my throat. That's why they keep your arms and legs tied down. So you don't pull the tubes out and yell things like Poatoes! Thanks for the laugh.

Conclusive proof that Mormon pilots never crash.

Years ago in the Sunday installment of the comic strip Rick O'Shay, Hipshot Percussion (the local gunslinger) awoke, clearly hung over. He walked out onto the porch, then stepped off, only to find that his boots were stuck in the mud. He tried to pull one out, and managed to pull his foot out of the boot. While struggling to get his foot back in the boot he ended up, in the last panel, face down in the mud, in his long johns, barefoot.

His final thought was, "I know a good many curse words, but, somehow, I can't think of one quite strong enough."

I think the one "Rick O'Shay" that sticks in my mind was the same gunslinger out on the prairie where he would talk to God, referring to him as "Boss." It was the Christmas Eve strip and he's out there looking at the stars and says; "Y'know Boss. This here's Christmas Eve. Everybody's filled with love and respect for each other. If this went on for the rest of the year, people like me would be out of work." One panel pause "And that would suit me just fine."

There are some very good words out there that get little use and sound a bit like cursing. I have been known to call someone a "dangling diphthong" to good effect...

W.C. Fields had a few. "GODFREY DANIELS!!" Comes to mind. From Johnny Dangerously ( to describe a hole in ice) "ice hole!". To describe a watch repairman making mistakes: "clock-mucker!".....I better stop now.

This is my favorite, and I can go for half a minute. It does make people laugh, and is very suitable for stage and family shows. It's a knack.

I've used "Godfrey Daniels" as I used to watch WC Fields movies.

With the kids I've used "Great googly-moogly"

In Gore Vidal's book Myron he replaced all the profanity with the names of the Supreme Court Justices as protest against their rulings against obscenity. It was very effective. I remember Rhenquist's name to this day because of it.

My sister in the 1950s used "fudge." As in "Oh, fudge!"

A pool shooter I know always uses the word "bagger" instead of bas**rd. I never really heard him use foul language. Trust me that is unusual for a pool player. Neat thing is a few others have used it after hearing him. YOU DIRTY BAGGER.