| Go to page 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ... 100 ~ 101 ~ 102 (Next) |
|
|
Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 4, 2004 1:26pm
Can you imagine magicians' assistants talking about the magician and saying,
"My magician is so dumb that..."
He bought metal snips because Bobo says, "Clip about 1/4 of the coin."
He went to the hardware store to learn how to pick a card and came back with mining tools.
Hired a lobbyist and bribed a politician because the trick instructions told him to use the pull method.
Bought a cook book to learn about a Mexican Turnover.
When asked to feed the doves, he said, "To what?"
Thought he got a great deal because the deck of cards came with an extra joker.
Sent his prop out to be repaired because it came with a false bottom.
Took half the cards out of a Svengali Deck because they were too short.
Oiled a rough deck.
Bought a trash container for used flash paper.
Broke a tooth trying to lap a salt shaker.
Wanted half his money back because only the first part of the "Cut and Restored" rope trick worked.
There is my dirty dozen. There has to be some better ones.
What are they?
Bob
Magic By Sander
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
|
Regan
.JPG)
Inner circle
U.S.A.
5439 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 4, 2004 2:39pm
Very funny Bob!
My magician is so dumb that....
He carried so many coins in his brand new, Ickle Pickle "change bag" that he ripped out the zipper and lost his money.
Regan
Mister Mystery
|
Oddboggle
New user
9 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 4, 2004 7:00pm
My magician is so dumb...
"...he pulled the hat out of the rabbit!"
OddB
|
Regan
Inner circle
U.S.A.
5439 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 4, 2004 7:43pm
Ouch...?
My magician is so dumb...
...that when he bought a S & S he thought he had a defective "bang ring" since he couldn't get the 'bang' message to unroll. He then thought that maybe he had gotten an audio version but he couldn't get it to make a sound either, so he tried to return it for a refund.
Regan
Mister Mystery
|
paulajayne
Inner circle
London England
1155 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 4, 2004 10:15pm
Hi
1. His catch phrase was "Cr*p I've done it wrong again"
2. He took his one-way deck back thinking it was a misprint.
3. His Elephant vanish used a zebra.
4. He though magical aids was an illness.
5. His three cup routine only used three balls.
6. His top palm used a tree.
7. He used a shotgun for Run Rabbit Run.
8. He thought David Blane was a good magician.
And on that last one I will finish.
Paula
Paula Jay - Magic to Remember -
---------------------------------
I once wrote a book on elephants, I think paper would have been better.
----
|
WhiteAngel
Loyal user
West Virginia, USA
269 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 12:08am
He made his car disappear and couldn't get home.
He is the masked magician.
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
|
Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 1:34am
WhiteAngel,
I think we should take the masked magician for a ride! ONCE!
********
My magician is so dumb that...
He though one-eyed jacks were handicapped.
He put straw in the nest of boxes.
He thought that Super-X was the signature of a big star.
He thought that a nailwriter was a craftsman who made nails.
He thought that Rings N Things was a jewelry store.
Bought a palm tip on eBay, cheap!
Believed that flash string is the one that comes out of the seat of a pair pants during his act.
Colored in the missing parts of his mismade flag.
Expected mouth coils to be electrical.
Thought a flash bill was a fine for a public and social indiscretion.
Thought that Torch to Cane described the life cycle of a married man.
He ordered two Hopping Halves so he would have the whole thing.
He bought batteries for an Electric Deck.
Asked how much water should he use with a Floating Match.
Used loaded dice in a Sure Shot Dice Box.
He was proud that he used Magician's Choice with a one-way force deck.
Thought he needed an aviator cap to do Flying Carpet.
Believed that the Fountain Silk Ball was the big dance of the year.
Ordered a rubber mat so he could do Acrobatic Silks.
Carried coins to throw into the Silk Fountain.
Your turn!
Bob
Magic By Sander
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
|
The Donster
Inner circle
4813 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 8:37am
Got stuck in a set of handcuffs and tried calling 911 but couldn't because there was no 11 on his phone.
|
Avrakdavra
Loyal user
The Pine Tree State, USA
224 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 10:01am
...thought he needed a junky car to do the Bill-in-Lemon.
|
Bob Sanders
Grammar Supervisor
Magic Valley Ranch, Clanton, Alabama
19261 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 2:40pm
Avrakdavra,
Do you think he has seen my pickup truck? It's yellow! Where is Bill?
Bob
Magic By Sander
Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander / The Amazed Wiz
AmazedWiz@yahoo.com
SilkMagic@DoveLite.com
http://www.magicbysander.com/
|
WhiteAngel
Loyal user
West Virginia, USA
269 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 2:45pm
My magician is so dumb.....
He can only do the catching bullet trick once....
He Uses Loreana Bobbit to assist him in his guillotine act.
His restored rope looks a lot like a knot.
He wants to stop exposure so there's white-out all over his computer monitor.
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
|
The Donster
Inner circle
4813 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 4:33pm
He uses postage stamps to send his e-mail and doesn't know where the stamps go.
|
WhiteAngel
Loyal user
West Virginia, USA
269 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 5, 2004 6:19pm
He does his infamous coin in a wine bottle at AA meetings.
The audience only claps when HE disappears.
True illusionists strive to decieve the eye AND the mind.....
|
Vibono Magic
Special user
Växjö,Sweden
647 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 6, 2004 8:13am
His hot book uses a can of petrol, a match and a new book for every time he trys it.
In his buried alive stunt only the first part worked.
His card sword is a sword made out of playing cards.
Vibono Mirage
Magic entertainer and Balloon artist
|
YVRDave
Regular user
Vancouver, BC
104 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 6, 2004 11:57am
... he was driving in his car with his girlfriend, she rubbed his knee...and he turned into a motel.
|
RonCalhoun
Special user
Independence, KY USA
574 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 8, 2004 11:01am
PU
you folks need this
http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=90459&forum=24&2
Number 1 Winner of the Café Search Engine Trivia Contest.
http://sos.ky.gov/executive/kentuckycolonels.htm
Member Honorable Order of Kentucky Colonels
|
The Mighty Fool
Inner circle
I feel like a big-top tent having
1771 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 10, 2004 4:05am
....she thinks D-Lite is vitamin enriched lowfat milk.
....she thinks the double-lift involves plastic surgery.
....her marked deck is a Blizzard deck.
....she thinks 'cups & balls' has something to do with hockey players.
Everybody wants to beleive.....we just help them along.
|
joseph
Eternal Order
Please ignore my
14391 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 11, 2004 8:05pm
He buys stripper decks at the Playboy Club. He sat in the snow to study a book on Cold Reading.
"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler." (Einstein)...
|
Tony S
Special user
New York
553 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 16, 2004 11:53am
Quote:
|
On 2004-11-04 19:00, Oddboggle wrote:
My magician is so dumb...
"...he pulled the hat out of the rabbit!"
OddB
|
|
I actually do that - it always gets a laugh. I didn't realize it made me dumb!!!
We are all about as successful as we choose to be.
www.anthonysisti.com
|
The Donster
Inner circle
4813 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 16, 2004 2:26pm
Lol. Hey Tony, be sure you don't get frostbite from doing too many cold readings. Just kidding. Don,
|
Wolflock
Inner circle
South Africa
2233 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 30, 2004 5:44am
Quote:
|
On 2004-11-06 11:57, YVRDave wrote:
... he was driving in his car with his girlfriend, she rubbed his knee...and he turned into a motel.
|
|
That is brilliant. I have not heard that one before. Is that yours? If it is can I use it?
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
|
Doug Higley
V.I.P.
Gepetto 2
6958 Posts
|
Posted: Nov 30, 2004 3:05pm
Thinking versions of MMISD:
MMISDT:
He bought 13 variations of the Bill In Lemon looking for a different result...
MMISDT:
When he tries to read minds, he just fills in the blanks...
MMISDT:
When he did a show at the zoo, the Ostrich put her head in the sand and the magician wondered how it had disappeared!
MMISDT:
He uses wet sponge balls for clean finish.
Doug
Giant Circus Flea! Cool!
|
Wolflock
Inner circle
South Africa
2233 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 1, 2004 1:20am
- He went to the doctor to surgically attact his Thumb tip.
- He stole his own watch and pickpocketed the pen out of his own top pocket.
-put a blingfold on the spectator and asked them to predict what card they picked.
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
|
Bill Palmer
Eternal Order
Only Jonathan Townsend has more than
23786 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 1, 2004 7:39pm
Quote:
|
On 2004-11-30 05:44, Wolflock wrote:
Quote:
|
On 2004-11-06 11:57, YVRDave wrote:
... he was driving in his car with his girlfriend, she rubbed his knee...and he turned into a motel.
|
|
That is brilliant. I have not heard that one before. Is that yours? If it is can I use it?
|
|
You are joking aren't you? That's one of the oldest lines in the world. It's older than "Does this ring have an opening in it? No? Yes, it does, right here. If it didn't have that, it would be a plate."
My magician is so dumb he thought
An Elmsley Count was English nobility.
A coin roll was something you bought in a deli.
A square circle was a weird kind of mandala.
He was so dumb that he had his "cut, no cut" scissors repaired.
He thought one of his linking rings was broken.
"The Swatter"
Founder of CODBAMMC
My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups."
www.cupsandballsmuseum.com
|
Wolflock
Inner circle
South Africa
2233 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 2, 2004 4:38am
Quote:
|
You are joking aren't you? That's one of the oldest lines in the world. It's older than "Does this ring have an opening in it? No? Yes, it does, right here. If it didn't have that, it would be a plate."
|
|
I am not joking. *sigh* Just shows how slow information is in getting to Deepest Darkest Africa. Well at least now I can become part of the MMISDT. HEE HEE.
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
|
dlcmagic
Special user
Pittsburgh, PA
763 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 2, 2004 12:29pm
He thinks the "Professor" is that guy on reruns of Gilligan's Island.
He thinks the hindu shuffle is some sort of strange dance.
Thinks the force is something from Star Wars.
Thinks that to make a woman float you need 1 woman, a large glass, some ice cream and root beer !
David Lawrence
|
The Donster
Inner circle
4813 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 2, 2004 3:22pm
Took a blonde out of the freezer because he wanted frosted flakes for breakfast
|
Wolflock
Inner circle
South Africa
2233 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 3, 2004 4:09am
Thinks a fan is something you turn on when it is hot out.
Thinks a hotshot cut is something the cowboys did with a gun instead of a knife.
Confuses himself with cups and balls.
Thought that the masked magician was pretty good.
Wolflock
Pro Magician & Escapologist
Member of JMC (Johannesburg Magic Circle)
South Africa
|
ed rhodes
Inner circle
Rhode Island
2320 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 3, 2004 6:19am
Quote:
|
On 2004-11-04 19:00, Oddboggle wrote:
My magician is so dumb...
"...he pulled the hat out of the rabbit!"
OddB
|
|
I saw Harry Anderson do that on "Saturday Night Live." 'Course, it was a stuffed rabbit so it might not count. On the other hand, would you want to put the hat on afterwards if it hadn't been a stuffed rabbit?
"He was born with the gift of laughter and a sense that the world was mad." - Rafael Sabatini, Scaramouche
|
The Donster
Inner circle
4813 Posts
|
Posted: Dec 3, 2004 5:22pm
He went out and bought a club and a fan so he'll have his own Fan Club.
|
| The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Now that’s funny! » » My Magician Is So Dumb That ... |
|
|
| Go to page 1 ~ 2 ~ 3 ... 100 ~ 101 ~ 102 (Next) |
![[8]](/forums/images/digits/8.gif)
![[1]](/forums/images/digits/1.gif)
![[7]](/forums/images/digits/7.gif)
![[5]](/forums/images/digits/5.gif)
![[4]](/forums/images/digits/4.gif)
![[0]](/forums/images/digits/0.gif)