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Topic: Nails for the Gathering
Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Apr 18, 2006 08:55AM)
Now is the time for all good men to come to the party.... oh wait... that's something else.

Now is the time to place any orders for hand forged nails to be purchased at this years Gathering. Yes, I know... I am retired from show biz blah blah blah.... under appreciated blah blah... get paid $10 for incredibly outstanding and wonderfully entertaining shows blah. Meanwhile, I have excelled in the art of blacksmithing, and I maintain friendships made during my career. Hand made nails are made from 316L implant grade surgical stainless steel and can be made to any custom dimensions. What's that you say? You're a beginner and can only fit a 2" x 1/4" nail in your head? I can make that for ya! You're Red Stuart and can fit 5 inches of 00 gauge in your nasal crevise? It can be done. Each nail is hand forged by [b]THE GREAT NIPPULINI[/b], hammered into shape from straight round stock, slightly drawn to a point (can be dulled by request), headed to size, hand polished to a mirror finish and certified implant grade steel.

Depending on size, type and finish, these nails will go anywhere from $5.00 and up per piece. Yes, you heard me right! Starting at only $5.00 per piece! In this modern day of industrialized machine stamped cheap steel, cranked out by some dingbat halfway across the world, having a hand made piece like this is worth having. Sure you can buy a box of cheap mild steel nails for the same price.... see what happens when you leave one of them out to dry after it's been in your caustic bodily fluid laden orifice(s). Why am I bringing this up? Well I'm glad you asked. You see, my nails are GUARANTEED to not rust for the lifetime of you, your children, and your children's children.

Questions? Comments? Want to tell me where to stick one of my nails? Reply here and I'll take care of things. If you want to place an order, e-mail me at Nippulini@aol dot com with a subject heading of "NAIL REQUEST". I will send you a form including all aspects of the type of nail(s) you want. But wait, there's more! If you can't get to the Gathering, or you're just plain impatient and "But Daddy, I want it [b]NOW!![/b]", then I can ship it/them to you. No personal checks please, money orders okay, PayPal & credit cards accepted.... oh wait... there's this new thing the U.S. government has put out. It's this stuff... printed on paper... I think it's called "curr-enc-y"... yeah, I'll take that at the Gathering.

Looking forward to being your smith!
P.S., never call a blacksmith a SMITHY... it's like calling a mechanic a GARAGE. The smithy is the shop where all the work gets done.
Message: Posted by: Doug Higley (Apr 18, 2006 10:46AM)
Glad to see you got over your Nipple fixation and are doing real honest work for a change.

Great fortune to you as you hammer out a new path. Don't forget the instructions with each Nail for our newbies..."Hit the flat end. Do not Hammer the pointed end. Not recommended for Nail Guns or reparing the Dog House unless you buy them by the box."

New act possibilities...Sharpen both ends and include some sneezing powder and a target.

Does the term Nippy mean Bra?

Anyone who doesn't buy a Nail (or 6) from Nips is not looking at the big picture. The History Books.
Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Apr 18, 2006 11:41AM)
You kill me, Doug! Surprised there were no "better use of the anvil" thype jokes! Thanks for the heartfelt words and merch promoting!

Lizardman came up with a hollow tube blockhead routine that involved shooting darts at a dartboard. Very original, I was impressed.

Nippy means cold... funny considering what cold weather does to.. um, well, you know... nipples. Never heard of the Bra thing.

History Books? Why thank you, but I'm not at death's door yet. But DO check the current history books about blacksmithing and the history of nails. Very interesting material out there. For example, during colonial times only the rich could afford a house built with nails, the rest were made of slotted and grooved timbers.
Message: Posted by: Doug Higley (Apr 18, 2006 12:03PM)
Your welcome...Let me lay this out for people from Phily....

"Surprised there were no "better use of the anvil" thype jokes!"

I try not to be too obvious.

"Lizardman came up with a hollow tube blockhead routine that involved shooting darts at a dartboard. Very original..."

Sometimes I can't help being too obvious.

"Nippy means cold... funny considering what cold weather does to.. um, well, you know... nipples. Never heard of the Bra thing."

The Bra thing was in relation to your comment on a Smithy...Garage etc. A Play on a play on words. I thought it was...uh...obvious.

"History Books? Why thank you, but I'm not at death's door yet."

Actually niether am I and I'm in the books. Point is if you're going to have a legendary act one should use TOOLS from a legendary source.

Message: Posted by: FacadeTheStiltBoy (Apr 18, 2006 07:05PM)
I want one!
Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Apr 18, 2006 09:48PM)
John, gimme a call or e-mail me so I can send you an order form. I'm working on getting a nail sizing chart because the whole pennynail sizing just plain confuses me!
Message: Posted by: Stephon (Apr 18, 2006 11:33PM)
Keep us updated on that chart--I'd like to get nailed by you, too.

Wait a minute. . .what?
Message: Posted by: Daniel Santos (Apr 18, 2006 11:43PM)
On 2006-04-18 09:55, thegreatnippulini wrote:
You see, my nails are GUARANTEED to not rust for the lifetime of you, your children, and your children's children.

Ah....nothing like passing down a used nail! :D

LOL Stehpon! That was good.
Message: Posted by: Steve V (Apr 19, 2006 12:19AM)
May you all rot in hades! You all make me want to walk on glass, shove a sword down my throat, and a nail in my nose!
Steve V
Message: Posted by: drwilson (Apr 19, 2006 02:56AM)
Ladies and Gentlemen, performers of the unusual, exotic, and downright unwholesome, I am here today to offer you a piece of history. Yes, anyone with a couple of tattoos and an aversion to office work can take a nail from the hardware store and hammer it into their nose, but you, my friend, can be an artist. While the fellows down by the waterfront are inhaling rusty scrap metal, you can be at a nice gallery opening uptown performing the same act with style. What's the difference? You have class. Class isn't something that can be purchased, but for a short time only, an historical and record-setting sideshow performer is offering you the next best thing: classy props. This, my friend, is a hand-forged nail made of implant-grade surgical steel, fabricated to your exact anatomical dimensions by the one-and-only, the Great Nippulini. The Great Nippulini knows steel! He has stepped out of the record books and into the blacksmith's shop to give you the chance to perform in front of a crowd in expensive clothing, sipping white white from real glasses, while you slide one of these perfectly-forged, gleaming works in stainless steel where nature did not intend it to go! The other fellows doing this act can sneeze out rust onto the sawdust-covered floor of a beer hall, while you wipe your nose on pure silk in the back of a stretch limo! My friends, the chance to seize that brass ring from the back of the carousel horse comes but once. Who can say whether it will be there on the next turn? Act today!


Message: Posted by: Roslyn (Apr 19, 2006 03:22AM)
Mine were ordered as soon as I saw the post. I've got three of these babies coming my way!
Looking forward to playing with them!!!
Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Apr 19, 2006 06:58AM)
Doc, you could sell mud to a pig! Thanks!

BTW I found 6 different pennynail sizing charts. Each one is slightly different from the next. Amazing.
Message: Posted by: Stephon (Apr 19, 2006 08:19AM)
Great pitch, Doc!
Message: Posted by: Slim Price (Apr 19, 2006 09:40AM)
Jeez! No wonder I'm broke, I just give mine away. And they just cost me six cents...
{I use 60b...}ike the one I gave you at the Gathering...
Message: Posted by: Freak Prodigy (Apr 19, 2006 02:59PM)
Heh heh Slim.....

thanks BTW, you have really helped me out. I can't thank you enough.

yeah I definatly want a few of those nails for myself.

Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Apr 19, 2006 10:34PM)
Brett, shoot me an e-mail so I can send you the order form.
Message: Posted by: DavidEscapes (Apr 20, 2006 10:31AM)
Part of my blockhead routine is giving the nail away at the end. So this wouldn't work for me, $5 a show is a bit expensive!

However, when the rush has calmed down I will still be ordering a couple, they would be great just to have around. Nipp's work is always excellent and I will be proud to own something of his.

Kudo's to the man of the powerful nipples :)

Doc, that was great. I didn't need them pitching to me, but if I had. You would have done it!
Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Apr 21, 2006 07:31AM)
You "give them away" after each show? Don't you mean you "sell them away" after each show? Turn a profit, man! a $5.00 box of nails can net you at least 10 times as much. Buy my nails, use 'em onstage, then give away... ahem, I mean SELL the regular ones after a quick demo in each nostril! That way you get to keep the good one(s)!

A quick note to everyone; the $5.00 cost per nail is a STARTING figure for say a 10d nail (approx. 3"). Prices will vary depending upon size.
Message: Posted by: DavidEscapes (Apr 21, 2006 08:19PM)
I only give one away. So the volunteer gets to go home with something :)
Message: Posted by: Roslyn (Apr 25, 2006 02:52PM)
Got my nails today and have been playing with them for most of this afternoon.
All I can say is they are awsome!!!
They fit in really well and are actually quite comfortable to have in. My nails were about 4" in length and the slight shine of the metal makes these look great.
I ended up with four nails and each one is slightly different than the others, because they've been individually hand made, and gives the nails a kind of olde world look rather that mass produced look of modern nails.
If you do the blockhead routine I highly recommend getting these beautiful props.
I'll be using them at a street festival this coming weekend... I CAN'T WAIT ;)
Thanks again TGN for such great items,
Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Jun 20, 2006 10:06AM)
Just bringing this thread back to the top, seeing that there is a blockhead thread that's going in a bad direction.
Message: Posted by: Kondini (Jun 21, 2006 04:37PM)
Yes,,,I too have been nailed (In the UK to get screwed has another meening!)By Nipps nails,,,,tried out now in many performances and proven to be the ultimate in blockhead props,,,well made and as smooth as a babies bum,,,,cleaning is a sinch and visible with their shine.

A good investment for all us loony tunes.

Message: Posted by: thegreatnippulini (Jun 22, 2006 09:30AM)
Well thank you for that hearty endorsement, Ken. What is "knackered"? A "bum" here is a homeless person that begs for money. "Screwed" means the same as "nailed" here too!
Message: Posted by: Stephon (Jun 22, 2006 12:35PM)
If I may--

"Knackered" is exhausted.

"Bum" refers to the rear end, or as we might call it, the "fanny".

"Fanny" has a completely different meaning in the UK.

I am able to translate for Kondini only because I have known several people who are bald.

Message: Posted by: Kondini (Jun 25, 2006 03:23PM)
Please,,,,,,shaven, not bald,,,,,,ask the ladies!!!!!!