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Topic: One Liners For Mentalism
Message: Posted by: MagicPresident (Dec 10, 2002 01:24PM)
Let's see how many we can accumulate that
relate to mental tricks. I can start:
Would you like to change your mind?
Oh, you're happy with the 1 you have !
Message: Posted by: Thoughtreader (Dec 10, 2002 01:30PM)
Rather than using tired, lame old lines that others use (remember why so many lay people think magicians all do the same thing - partially because they all do the same things and use the same, tired old lines) most of us that work professionally try very hard to use original lines and routines. For myself, aside from writing my own material also write jokes for other performers who pay me for exclusive use of that material. After much work, trying various changes and different timing to work something in so that it was just perfect and elicits the specific response I intend to receive from my audience, Why on earth would I or anyone else openly give you our best bits?

And after all of this being said, if you still want to focus on tired, lame old lines, please do us all a favor and go back to magic and drop trying to perform anything remotely related to mentalism.

PSIncerely Yours,
Paul Alberstat
Message: Posted by: Nir Dahan (Dec 10, 2002 03:05PM)
the man only wanted to have some fun, why do you have to go so hard on him...
I think it is an acceptable subject, and if you dont want to participate don't - but why step on him?
Nir
Message: Posted by: Marduke Kurios (Dec 10, 2002 03:07PM)
Please write the name of your favorite animal on this little piece of paper. No, no, use your clean hand! :rotf:
Message: Posted by: ALEXANDRE (Dec 10, 2002 03:10PM)
I agree that we "professionals" might not want to share our "lines and routines" here, and I would agree further with you Paul if this was a web location for "professionals" only. But the Café is open to everyone, including those who perform mentalism/magic for fun and don't take themselves as casual performers too seriously.


:angry:
Message: Posted by: AllThumbs (Dec 10, 2002 03:24PM)
The problem with these kind of canned on-liners is that they're often jumped into when inappropriate. They also do not allow your participants to be involved when they are just being talked at.

Although some might elicit a disparaging chuckle every one in a while, many also have the potential to offend, and often people who use these one-liners don't realise (e.g. see Marduke 'joke' above). At the point you offend someone they are no longer interested in you or what you are doing.

There is a marked and noticeable difference in the quality of the performer who takes time to present the best he can offer and those who indulge in their egoes rattling lines off for often what is just their own amusement. A performance is supposed to 'satisfy' the audience, not you.

Don't inflict them on an audience who will then form a negative impression from the start, recite them in the mirror at night and say to yourself "I promise I will never say these beyond these four walls" :)

Even if you are a 'casual' performer your participants still deserve you at your best.

Regards,

Kris Sheglova
Message: Posted by: Lee Davies (Dec 10, 2002 03:58PM)
Ooh! I see the spirit of Christmas has entered into some peoples lives (not).

Let's hope you don't get a visit from the ghost's of past, present and future on the eve!
Message: Posted by: AllThumbs (Dec 10, 2002 04:10PM)
baaah, humbug!

Regards,

Kris Sheglova
Message: Posted by: leondo (Dec 10, 2002 04:14PM)
Ahhh, I see you've go a lot on your mind....
A vacant lot!
:rotf:

Ted (Leondo)
Message: Posted by: mindhunter (Dec 10, 2002 07:44PM)
When I perform my Prophet Pens ( or any similar routine in which a person writes the name of some one they like followed by 4 names of ememys) at the point I ask them to write the first name of the "like" person" I half-quietly say to the spec. behind my hand, but so the audiance can see and hear: "Its spelled B.R.Y.N" (my first name) It always at least gets a small laugh if nothing else and help kill some dead-zone time during the effect. I think little humor bits like this do nothing to detract from a mentalism performance and actually enhance it. Even "serious" looking mentalism performers as Mavex thorw in comedic one-liners, so comeon, lets hear em!
(I predict that the vast majority of those contributing in the negative have never performed for an audiance for $....) I didn't need to read ONE single mind to know that anyway!..LOL :kewl:
Message: Posted by: vratkins (Dec 10, 2002 09:30PM)
Here's one that came to me a few weeks ago. After blowing people away with your best psychokenesis effect, as the applause dies down say "you should have seen me at my high school prom".

ahem..
Victor
Message: Posted by: DonMarco (Dec 10, 2002 10:14PM)
"Anyone who believes in pschokinesis please raise my hand"

"We've never met before, right?" "well, then how do you know it's me?"

"We've never met before, right?"
(Spec): "No"
"oh, your not the guy?"
Message: Posted by: saglaser (Dec 10, 2002 10:15PM)
I know you're out there, people, I can hear you thinking.
Badumpbump!

But seriously folks...

Paul and Kris have a good point about avoiding homogenized canned one-liners in mentalism. They should be avoided in magic, too. However, there's nothing wrong with those who wish to showing off some of their favorites, and with others taking a light-hearted look at some possible lame lines (such as the one above) for our own amusement.
Message: Posted by: NelsonMon (Dec 11, 2002 03:06AM)
When a previous line/joke fails:
"Well it sounded good in front of the mirror."
Message: Posted by: Chad Sanborn (Dec 11, 2002 06:33AM)
If I am put on the spot to read someones mind like, "what am I thinking right now?"

I would counter with. "Hmmm, I am not getting anything at the moment.Its just blank" Then I turn to someone else and say "They are thinking that this is not unusual!"

Chad
Message: Posted by: jlibby (Dec 11, 2002 07:56AM)
I recall seeing Michael Finney on a TV special trying to devine a playing card a volunteer had selected. The line I remember went something like this:

"Now, please concentrate while I attempt to pick up your thoughts... Who's Sheila?" :bigsmile:

Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week!
Joe L.
Message: Posted by: eize (Dec 11, 2002 03:20PM)
[quote]
On 2002-12-10 16:05, Nir Dahan wrote:
the man only wanted to have some fun, why do you have to go so hard on him...
I think it is an acceptable subject, and if you dont want to participate don't - but why step on him?
Nir
[/quote]
I AM COMPLETELY AGREE WITH YOU,i believe that there are some peoples who think they are the owners of the forum and they want to tell to everybody what is right and what is wrong...
Message: Posted by: Samuel Catoe (Dec 11, 2002 08:23PM)
Howz about "I knew that" after asking someone what card they had picked. Here's one "Think about someone...Anyone in the world. Alright, anyone but ME." Try this one for size "I THOUGHT I knew that" after effect has gone wrong. Just a few random thoughts blinking around there.

Samuel
Message: Posted by: vratkins (Dec 11, 2002 09:51PM)
"Have we met before?.... You seem proud of of that fact..."

At least this line is a joke at the performers expense rather than the audiences.
Message: Posted by: Lee Davies (Dec 12, 2002 03:16PM)
[quote]
On 2002-12-10 17:10, AllThumbs wrote:
baaah, humbug!

Regards,

Kris Sheglova
[/quote]

:) Your comment made me giggle :)
Message: Posted by: Dynamike (Jun 26, 2007 05:49PM)
How old are you?

When I was ___ I was the same age as you.
Message: Posted by: Yellowjacket (Jun 26, 2007 06:14PM)
A script tends to work much better than a string of one liners

YellowJacket
Message: Posted by: Mentalisten (Jun 26, 2007 06:29PM)
'Just write down your cat's name on this pad... OK now turn around'.

Kiddin!!
Message: Posted by: BestPest (Jun 27, 2007 11:20AM)
Some of those one liners made me tired and sad. Nothing is funnier than [b]"Ladles and Jellyspoons!"[/b]


It's comedy gold.
Message: Posted by: Alex Linian (Jun 27, 2007 12:05PM)
I hate one-liners.
Message: Posted by: Dynamike (Jun 27, 2007 12:06PM)
[quote]
On 2007-06-27 13:00, BestPest wrote:
I spelt Ladle wrong, I wish I was dead.
[/quote]

That's a good one-liner. ;)
Message: Posted by: DJM (Jun 27, 2007 12:14PM)
Mike, the funniest joke in this whole thread!
Message: Posted by: Matt Pulsar (Jun 27, 2007 12:21PM)
Man people can truly get up in arms so fast on here.

'Thoughtreader' has a very good point however. And I don't think his point is limited to professionals. Think about it this way. Where do these lines come from? If you didn't write it or pay someone (yes people pay to have things written for them,) to have it written, then why do you assume it is yours to use, or worse, give away to others online. Perhaps you saw it used in a few shows and that is where you picked it up.

All of these lines were written by someone. It could have been a long time ago, but they have a source. If you are not the source it is probably not a good idea to post them somewhere else. I don't see any credits here, even to where the lines were heard. So the real challenge is to come up with our own comedy lines. If we do this, then they will not seem out of place, because they will fit us, we wrote them. And then, its most likely not a good idea to post them on the Café, cause as it has been made obvious, others will start using them.
Message: Posted by: davidlai308 (Jun 27, 2007 12:57PM)
Thank you for having me here Ladies and Gentlemen.
If you like my show , please remember me as David Lai, however, if you hated it, just remember as Mr. Ali bin Ahmad.

(It works in my country, use any name you think is suitable).
Message: Posted by: BestPest (Jun 27, 2007 01:29PM)
[quote]
On 2007-06-27 13:57, davidlai308 wrote:
Thank you for having me here Ladies and Gentlemen.
If you like my show , please remember me as David Lai, however, if you hated it, just remember as Mr. Ali bin Ahmad.

(It works in my country, use any name you think is suitable).
[/quote]
Are you from a racist country? Are you saying... remember me as Asian if you don't like my act?
Message: Posted by: Fizzban Magic (Jun 27, 2007 02:29PM)
In the entertainment industry, they are known as "stock lines." Every facet has their own and uses them, singers use them..., comics use them..., hosts..., announcers, everybody. The choice to use them is yours.

Don't hold it against Paul, he can't help it... he's from Calgary. :bg:
Message: Posted by: Turk (Jun 27, 2007 04:25PM)
[quote]
On 2007-06-27 13:06, Dynamike wrote:
[quote]
On 2007-06-27 13:00, BestPest wrote:
I spelt Ladle wrong, I wish I was dead.
[/quote]
That's a good one-liner. ;)
[/quote]
And, if the wish came true, it would be a flat-liner.
(badda-boom!)


[quote]
On 2007-06-27 13:05, Alex Linian wrote:
I hate one-liners.
[/quote]
He says as he spits out a very succinct one-liner.
Message: Posted by: davidlai308 (Jun 27, 2007 09:07PM)
BestPest ,
I think you got my whole `line wrong.
I'm Asian and so is `Ali Bin Ahmad' . Malaysia is a country consisted of a mixture of races , Malays , Chinese , and Indian are the main races in the country . What I'm saying is , you can change the ` Ali bin Ahmad ''s name to the organizers name or a name people are fond off .

The name `Ali ' in my country is very very common .
Message: Posted by: BestPest (Jun 28, 2007 02:00AM)
Oooh. Sorry. Thought you were a bad man and was going to fight you.
Message: Posted by: Scott Cram (Jun 28, 2007 04:28AM)
When looking at a blank grid in which I'm going to fill with a magic square, I sometimes quip:

Is anybody else hungry for waffles?
Message: Posted by: Energizer (Jun 28, 2007 07:23AM)
Here's a line I'm fond of. It's kind of mentalism - could be used for a watch effect.

Here it is:-

" You know psychological research into our perceptions of time indicates that literally time flies when you are having fun ... But I agree with Kermit the frog who says that time is fun when you are eating flies. "

It made me laugh, like much of the material on this thread. And yes, credit really does go to Kermit the frog for that one.

Scott Cram's line was superb. Maximum respect.

I dearly love one-liners.


Before or after a book test -

You know outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read anyway ...

Thanks to Groucho Marx for that one.
Message: Posted by: Malchat (Jun 28, 2007 09:27AM)
"You have a watch. But I have the time."
-- Kurdish saying
Message: Posted by: Slim King (Jun 28, 2007 09:38AM)
I worked in the same lounge (singing) for three years straight. We used the same jokes over and over. After a while we'd just use the punch line. Amazingly, we'd get the same response. The Regulars still liked the "Old" jokes, but we just eliminated the story line. Could this work with mentalism...
My favorite one is...
[b]When your IQ hits 20...sell[/b].
Message: Posted by: Kevin Cook (Jun 28, 2007 10:31AM)
When selecting an audience member I often use

"Would you MIND helping?"

This usually gets a big laugh.

If the audience members name is Brian I mis-pronounce it as "Brain" whilst pointing to my head with a stick and rolling my eyes around wildly.

If the audience member is not called Brian I quip

"I THOUGHT so!"

This line often gets me a standing ovation.
Message: Posted by: JonWhite (Jun 28, 2007 10:41AM)
"Oops...that never happens to Derren Brown"
Message: Posted by: kardillusions (Apr 17, 2010 10:27PM)
[quote]
On 2007-06-28 11:31, Kevin Cook wrote:
When selecting an audience member I often use

"Would you MIND helping?"

This usually gets a big laugh.

If the audience members name is Brian I mis-pronounce it as "Brain" whilst pointing to my head with a stick and rolling my eyes around wildly.

If the audience member is not called Brian I quip

"I THOUGHT so!"

This line often gets me a standing ovation.


[/quote]

"seriously?" x3

Scott.
Message: Posted by: Paul.W (Apr 18, 2010 04:40AM)
"Always think postivie thoughts you never know who is reading them"

If I told you , I would have to kill you!

my 2 favorites

Paul.W
Message: Posted by: yachanin (Apr 18, 2010 09:56AM)
"Now I would like you to relax and make your mind a complete blank. That was fast. Do you practice often?"

Regards, Steve
Message: Posted by: oralroberts (Apr 18, 2010 10:30AM)
"what I do are not magic tricks..."
Message: Posted by: dmkraig (Apr 18, 2010 11:01AM)
I can ready your mind like a book.
..........Well, go ahead.
I don't read that kind of book.

I read in the newspaper that a little person who had been working as a psychic before being arrested had escaped. The headline to the article was, "Small Medium at Large."

Did you hear about the medium who married a psychic? They wanted to make a little prophet.

The other day I met a psychic. She said, "You're fine, how am I?"
Message: Posted by: Jonathan (Apr 18, 2010 11:08AM)
[quote]
On 2007-06-28 11:31, Kevin Cook wrote:
When selecting an audience member I often use

"Would you MIND helping?"

This usually gets a big laugh.

If the audience members name is Brian I mis-pronounce it as "Brain" whilst pointing to my head with a stick and rolling my eyes around wildly.

If the audience member is not called Brian I quip

"I THOUGHT so!"

This line often gets me a standing ovation.


[/quote]

I'm assuming this is a joke. If so, it's pretty funny! lol
Message: Posted by: AaronishMagic (Apr 19, 2010 04:57AM)
[[The other day I met a psychic. She said, "You're fine, how am I?"]]

This is too darn funny LOL...
Message: Posted by: Matthew Townsend (Apr 19, 2010 05:08AM)
One afternoon a man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, the man went inside and sat down. "Ah..." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children." "That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the father of three children." The mysterious psychic grinned and said, "That's what you think!"

M
Message: Posted by: Stephen Young (Apr 19, 2010 05:09AM)
Nice one!!

Steve
Message: Posted by: bevbevvybev (Apr 19, 2010 06:44AM)
Time flies like an arrow.

Fruit flies like a banana.

(Another Groucho quote :)
Message: Posted by: TonyB2009 (Apr 19, 2010 06:46PM)
Last night I was playing poker with a tarot deck. I got a full house, and three people died. (Steve Wright).
Do you believe in reincarnation? Welcome back.
Now a joke for the telepathics... (long pause) (Wayne Dobson)
Hypnosis is the ultimate chat-up line. Look into my eyes, you will lust after my body... my wife thinks she's married to Leonardo De Caprio. (It works because I am fat).
Message: Posted by: Bill Hallahan (Apr 20, 2010 12:59PM)
[quote]
On 2007-06-27 15:29, James T wrote:
In the entertainment industry, they are known as "stock lines." Every facet has their own and uses them, singers use them..., comics use them..., hosts..., announcers, everybody. The choice to use them is yours.

Don't hold it against Paul, he can't help it... he's from Calgary. :bg:
[/quote]
You're not wrong, but there is another side to this issue. There are some lines that might be considered stock lines that are actually taken from someone else's current act.

There's a good discussion of this at [url=http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=283080&forum=15]Master Mentalist! Umm ...[/url], where someone points out a line that apparently some mentalists use that is from Emo Philips comedy act. It would be easy to assume this line was a "stock line,: but unless they have his permission, no performer should be using that line.

gabelson also has some great posts in that topic about the perils of using stock lines with regard to making it big. I consider those posts by gabelson to be among the best posts in the Magic Café, because his posts could help someone avoid limiting their career advancement.

On the other hand, if the line is an old line from an old book, and you don't care that everyone else is using it, then use it, just be aware of what gabelson wrote.

To be on topic, Jay Sankey used a great line in his lecture (it's his line), "Do you believe in free will?," and when the audience member answers, he says, "I made you say that!"
Message: Posted by: MentalistCreationLab (Apr 20, 2010 01:04PM)
After taking the deck or paper back from the spectator. Late in the routine.

" This has been sitting here the whole time and I have not touched it once"
Message: Posted by: Decomposed (Apr 20, 2010 01:57PM)
[quote]
On 2010-04-19 19:46, TonyB2009 wrote:
Last night I was playing poker with a tarot deck. I got a full house, and three people died. (Steve Wright).
Do you believe in reincarnation? Welcome back.
Now a joke for the telepathics... (long pause) (Wayne Dobson)
Hypnosis is the ultimate chat-up line. Look into my eyes, you will lust after my body... my wife thinks she's married to Leonardo De Caprio. (It works because I am fat).
[/quote]

Sweet!
Message: Posted by: Logan Five (Apr 21, 2010 12:54AM)
I am part psychic, and part telepathic..

I am psychopathic.

And now for my next trick..
Message: Posted by: mindshrink (Apr 21, 2010 05:27AM)
Bill thanks for the link 'Master Mentalist Umm'...dunno why I missed that one.
About the use of stock phrases and one liners...I am still very very confused!
Message: Posted by: muse (Apr 21, 2010 06:18AM)
"Now, we've never met before, have we?"

I perform pretty much solely for family and friends, and I slip this line in every now and then.
Message: Posted by: Bill Hallahan (Apr 25, 2010 01:16AM)
[quote]
On 2010-04-21 06:27, mindshrink wrote:
Bill thanks for the link 'Master Mentalist Umm'...dunno why I missed that one.
About the use of stock phrases and one liners...I am still very very confused!
[/quote]
You're welcome.

Here are the posts that impressed me. These are mostly about comedians, not mentalists, and gabelson himself said he wasn't sure whether all of the issues with stock lines that applied to comedians also applied to mentalists.

[url=http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/search_post.php?topic=283080&forum=15&post=5817171]Post 1[/url] mentions a great mentalist using a stock line.

[url=http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/search_post.php?topic=283080&forum=15&post=5818478]Post 2[/url] is about how television scouts will probably reject comics (and mentalists?) who use stock lines.

[url=http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/search_post.php?topic=283080&forum=15&post=5823614]Post 3[/url] is the best one. In it he mentions a comedian who became famous relatively quickly, but the point at the very end is key.
Message: Posted by: muse (Apr 25, 2010 02:07AM)
Interesting posts. In my opinion, for the professional, as in any walk of life, being yourself (or at least an edited or selectively enhanced version of yourself) is of course what to aim for. You then find out whether that 'you' has the originality / quality of product / appeal that will lead you to succeed. (Or not, of course, and I suspect that that's when many people come to the conclusion that being a diluted Derren Brown, Osterlind or whoever will get them further than being a concentrated version of themself.)

But I think that the professional and the hobbyist come at one liners from different angles - the pro runs the risk of appearing to be (or simply being) a plagiarist if he/she uses a line from someone else's act. The hobbyist can use a 'stagey' line (eg "Now, we've never met before, have we?") and because the context is different, the people you are performing for see it as being tongue in cheek because you're so obviously NOT Derren Brown. And maybe because we perform for generally the same people over and over, and don't have scripts that have been honed by constant performance, having the occasional line that can be used as an emergency way to get people to relax or to smile while you do a tricky move, is worth knowing.
Message: Posted by: PSYSHADOW (Jun 14, 2010 07:24AM)
Curious to know. Is there a book available of stock lines ?

BOBBY THOMSON.
Message: Posted by: Fizzban Magic (Jun 14, 2010 10:37AM)
[quote]
On 2010-04-20 13:59, Bill Hallahan wrote:
[quote]
On 2007-06-27 15:29, James T wrote:
In the entertainment industry, they are known as "stock lines." Every facet has their own and uses them, singers use them..., comics use them..., hosts..., announcers, everybody. The choice to use them is yours.

Don't hold it against Paul, he can't help it... he's from Calgary. :bg:
[/quote]
You're not wrong, but there is another side to this issue. There are some lines that might be considered stock lines that are actually taken from someone else's current act.

There's a good discussion of this at [url=http://www.themagiccafe.com/forums/viewtopic.php?topic=283080&forum=15]Master Mentalist! Umm ...[/url], where someone points out a line that apparently some mentalists use that is from Emo Philips comedy act. It would be easy to assume this line was a "stock line,: but unless they have his permission, no performer should be using that line.

gabelson also has some great posts in that topic about the perils of using stock lines with regard to making it big. I consider those posts by gabelson to be among the best posts in the Magic Café, because his posts could help someone avoid limiting their career advancement.

On the other hand, if the line is an old line from an old book, and you don't care that everyone else is using it, then use it, just be aware of what gabelson wrote.

To be on topic, Jay Sankey used a great line in his lecture (it's his line), "Do you believe in free will?," and when the audience member answers, he says, "I made you say that!"
[/quote]

I can agree with that, Although I think it depends on the type of entertainer as well, as a former stand up comic we would share stock or heckler lines as a way of defending ourselves against those "few" in audiences that more or less wanted to wreck a show for whatever reasons. So I guess I was thinking more about Heckler lines perhaps.

Cheers.