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Topic: 2 hecks from hell!
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Sep 26, 2006 11:35AM)
Last week while working in Cardiff I had the tow worst hecks I have had in a long time in two days running.

I say the worst I mean it made the show but some people are just thick as crap.

The first was this born again Christian that had a hand held loud speaker. I have had trouble of him before but this time he was determined to stay. Pointing his speaker in my face he asked me do you know Jesus? To which I replied YES, and Jesus say's he loves you but my name is Mario so get-lost. He then turned he cannon on my audience and started blasting them. So I began to beat my table with my wand and the Audience began to clap in beat and we just clapped him down. Last time I had trouble of him was in the middle to the School of Busking got that on DVD.

The next day right in the middle of my C&B routine, a Russian man about 50yr old started to warn my audience not to part with there money and how dangerous I was.
He went on to say "in my county theses men are every where". To which I replied yes and the last one to leave your country can turn off the lights. Good job my audience was educated it just seem to add to the show as it was funny.
Message: Posted by: benlewis2004 (Sep 26, 2006 02:39PM)
Lol, I have had one of those christians before. I wasnt performing though. I was crossing the road in oxford street, and he came up to me and started asking me questions, and wouldnt go away. I said something quite rude to him, (spur of the moment thing) and he followed me round for about 10 minutes. I found out this hadnt only happened to me. He eneded up with an asbo.
Message: Posted by: SeaDawg (Sep 26, 2006 02:45PM)
I am glad you survived. Guys like this are a Pox on the world. People like this are a not so gentle reminder why brothers and sisters should not marry each other.LOL.

For the "Christian" fanatic.... :"Yes Jesus loves you, but at this rate the rest of the world is gonna think you are an ***hole." (Drastic, severe and reserved for those people who just don't get it)

Last week end my special fan tried to convince everyone that I had a serpent hiding behind my ropes in "Professors Nightmare" and that the "Queen of Hearts" was actually the Virgin Mary.... I looked over at him and then reminded the audience "What I must look like when I don't take my medication.... and it is a good thing that I do...". He got the idea and left.

The one other line I like with those who are annoying Hecks is... "Sorry, I didn't get the version of the script where you had a speaking part yet. But wait a few minutes and we will get to that part". Then I just never get to that part.....

Good luck and God's Speed...
Message: Posted by: Lee Darrow (Sep 26, 2006 05:09PM)
One line that worked for me a few weeks ago, while working in a pub, was "You know, SOME nights, it's just not worth it to chew my way through the leather straps... but tonight I'm REALLY glad I did!" and grin, maniacally at the offender... for some strange reason, they always head for the hills when I use that one...!

With a tip of the hat to Emo Phillips, with whom I have worked on occasion (though I was working the tables in the audience while he was on stage later in the evening and we exchanged a few kind words in the green room those times, I doubt he remembers me at all...) who came up with the first part of that line.

Lee Darrow, C.H.
Message: Posted by: Steve V (Sep 26, 2006 05:58PM)
What is an asbo? My niece on my wifes side, a horrible girl in her mid twenties, was living in LA and went to the Santa Monica Prominade and was telling all the performers, in her loud way, that they were nothing but bums. She sat there complaining about them being 'beggers' until I had enough and told her how she was wrong. She stopped speaking to me but that just makes me happy.
Steve V
Message: Posted by: Pete Biro (Sep 26, 2006 06:40PM)
I keep saying "we gotta thin the herd".... argh.... :kermit:
Message: Posted by: ttorres (Sep 26, 2006 07:49PM)
Anyone every just brought the loud mouth up asked him/her there name and then introduced him/her and then step into the crowd? Then you can say something like “okay buddy, now it is your show. Do your thing. That’s what I thought”.

Takes the wind right out of there sails and you should hear the crowd.
Message: Posted by: Stanyon (Sep 26, 2006 08:02PM)
(Saying in his newly adopted accent!)

Ain't nuthin' cain't be fixed by usin' a 4 foot piece of 2 X 4.


Cheers! ;)
Message: Posted by: ed rhodes (Sep 26, 2006 11:14PM)
Is that what they call an "attention getter" down South?
Message: Posted by: Andy_Bell (Sep 27, 2006 04:03AM)
Steve V

An ASBO is an "antisocial behaviour order" the courts here in the Uk can hand them out to curtail the activities of some of the (how can I put this politely) "less desirable elements of society".

hope that helps

Message: Posted by: SeaDawg (Sep 27, 2006 07:01AM)
That is a great line

Another that I like is "If you leave now they will let you back in and not take away your TV privledges...."

They can assume whether I meant prison or some other institution...

A buddy of mine who has been coaching me on street has a compendium of over 900 different lines to deal with those who "just" don't get it. Some of them are gentle, but they can escalate to downright nasty if the situation warrants...

It is hard to fathom why some people assume that "performers" doing street should not be subject to the common courtesies we all should deserve.
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Sep 27, 2006 07:47AM)
Are you depriving a village of an idiot?
Message: Posted by: Andy_Bell (Sep 27, 2006 07:50AM)
"There we go ladies and gentelmen, a great example of why you should never drink on an empty head"
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Sep 27, 2006 10:38AM)
There is no begining to your talents.

don't you realise that there is enough people to hate in this world allready.

Hear is 20p/cent go and call a friend and bring back the chang.

If I through a stick will you leave?

Instead of being Born Again, why don't you just grow up?

Message: Posted by: evolve629 (Sep 27, 2006 10:46AM)
Mario, I'm really bothered that you had to encounter the 2 ridculous hecks in your show. Things like this agitate me. I appreciated the fact that you brought this up and post it here as others, me included, sure can learn from you and be awared of similiar situation that can occur in his or her show too. Take care.
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Sep 27, 2006 12:19PM)
Thx your a star,
We have to accept it because that is the nature of the streets.
I could say it does bother me but in the same breath it is the very thing I love about streets. They are unpredictable a constant change elusive that reminds me to live life.

My favorite pass times is people gazing, they fascinate me different lives different motives. When I pull a load of strangers together to watch a show then every show is different simply because they are and any thing could happen.
Message: Posted by: mota (Sep 27, 2006 12:57PM)
I have ranted (what, me rant!?) about born again lunatics as far as readings go. My favorite experience was when I was reading palms and some one came up and said, "If Jesus came right now would you read his hand?" I said yes, but I don't know what I would say about those nail holes.

I've been thinking about this thread and some of the Christians I know. Some, like my late grandmother, were people who made you want to be Christian just because she reflected amazing things. Others made you wish there were more lions.

I finally noticed the difference...those who talk about Jesus the most act like him the least.
Message: Posted by: SeaDawg (Sep 27, 2006 01:08PM)
You absolutely slay me... I *** near donated an organ I was laughin so Hard...

"Yes, I am a racist folks. I hate people from the planet Stupid...."
Message: Posted by: Laird (Sep 29, 2006 04:59AM)
Probably one of the funniest things I've ever witnessed was last year while busking, a Bible thumper, while yelling scripture, was approached by some Hari Krishnas who parked themselves right in front of this poor guy.
They beat their tambla drums, and finger cymbals, really shouted this guy down. I say "poor guy" for no other reason than I genuinely believed it was the last thing he ever imagined would've happened to him. And I doubt he has ever mentioned it to anyone.
Message: Posted by: The Mighty Fool (Oct 2, 2006 04:21PM)
Couple of years back there was this guy named "Hallelujagh Jones", who could recite any bible verse verbatim, and hope for tips. Once while I was doing my show, he shouted out loudly "Oh my sweet supreme lord!!!" And I shouted back "How many TIMES have I told you NOT to call me that in public! No one's supposed to know about us!"
Message: Posted by: Bill Palmer (Oct 8, 2006 10:43PM)
How about when he shouts "Jesus is coming."

You shout back, "I'm already here, but I changed my name to Mario. Too many people were using mine."
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Oct 9, 2006 08:59AM)
I like it Bill

Jesus is coming!

How about "What did you call me?"

Message: Posted by: Jonton (Oct 11, 2006 07:26PM)
"Oh look...Snow White and Dopey had a son!"
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Oct 15, 2006 08:22AM)
How about "Whos the jerk in the bowler hat"?
On the other hand you could pass as his vent doll.
Message: Posted by: poprocz (Oct 15, 2006 08:43AM)
As a born again child of God I can appreciate where you folks are coming from. To many people calling themselves christians are trying to scare people out of hell instead of loving them into heaven like Jesus did. Being judgemental by judging for themselves that you don't know christ just because you are doing a magic show is also against the word.
All that being said, I for one love a good magic trick and could sit and watch a street performer or buskers all day, over and over again. Most are awesome showmen.
Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Oct 15, 2006 09:08AM)
Thanks for that, just to point out to you I am a Believer as well.

In my mind Christians need to pioneers of freedom not intruders of freedom.

Your opening sentence I can appreciate but I must admit to my mind it sounds very strange, and it alienating.

For example "As an Alien from Mars I can appreciate where you folks are coming from.

Yea like planet earth.

How about "Being human who believes in God I can appreciate why you would be so offended" Just the thought.

Message: Posted by: poprocz (Oct 15, 2006 10:40AM)
That makes sense, point taken.
Message: Posted by: Jonton (Oct 17, 2006 06:45PM)
On 2006-10-15 09:22, Mario Morris wrote:
How about "Whos the jerk in the bowler hat"?
On the other hand you could pass as his vent doll.

I don't think I got your joke...care to explain?
Message: Posted by: gfdiamond (Oct 21, 2006 06:14PM)
Heres a good one..you say to the christian...look I have a friend...he is in his 30s, lives with his mum and dad, only hangs out with guys and has a prostitute as a girlfriend. would he be welcome in your church? they always say no..then I tell them the name of my friend...jesus christ...

also, I say..you know jesus is coming back right...they say yes..then I say ..its been two thousand years but I wouldnt be in a hurry after the treatment he got last time he was here..

seems to shut them up quite well..

Message: Posted by: Mario Morris (Oct 22, 2006 08:05AM)
It is just a joke, I was making light of your photo with Gazzo.
don't worry Gazzo has got the best sense of humor around, in fact he invented it.
Message: Posted by: Todd Robbins (Oct 22, 2006 08:31AM)
There have been a number of times when riding the subway here in NYC that someone has gotten on, waited for the doors to close and then launch into their sermon to this truly capitive audience.

Normally, I just endure until the next stop. They either get off or I do.

On occasion, I have motioned them over, looked them staight in the eye and quietly said, "Your actions are making a mockery of the Lord's word. People are laughing at you. It is not what He would want." I then give them a gentle smile and nod my head.

It is amazing how that can quiet them down.
Message: Posted by: SeaDawg (Oct 22, 2006 10:12AM)
And if that doesn't....

"Jesus may love you , but the rest of the world thinks you are an ***hole...."

sometimes gets thru their thick skulls. But then again...