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Topic: Wedding Ring?
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Jan 23, 2008 07:32AM)
I find it inconvenient to wear a wedding ring and do the French drop. Actually, just an example of why I don't wear rings for closeup. But then I get to the graduation parties where the single aunt is drunk, or I get hired to perform for a singles group, and I wish I had the ring on.

What I'm looking for is an alternative. But, I don't think putting the ring on a chain around my neck fits my wardrobe (dress slacks, business shirt, and jacket).

Right now I just make sure I mention my wife favorably in my patter, but it would sure be nice to add a little touch to my outfit that could curtail flirting or misunderstandings.
Message: Posted by: Al Angello (Jan 23, 2008 08:49AM)
I don't understand what your problem is, for the first time in my life I have women hitting on me and I love it. I always go strieght home after the gig, and I love women paying attention to me. My favorite line is "I wish my husband was as much fun as you are".

I wear no rings, bracelets, or wrist watch because I'm a juggler and I'm afraid they will make me walk with a limp.
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Jan 23, 2008 09:18AM)
Normally, it's not a big deal, but the comments I get are much more direct and sexually oriented than the ones you mentioned, and maybe I could curtail some of those.
Message: Posted by: Big Daddy Cool (Jan 23, 2008 09:25AM)
Dean,

You must be doing something right! Most magician's personality is enough to turn off any woman!

Seriously though, this can be a tricky situation. You have a practical need not to wear it, but I'm sure your wife hates that you want to take it off. As far as the comments and advances go - you are in complete control of what you do with that temptation...
Message: Posted by: Al Angello (Jan 23, 2008 09:30AM)
Dean
I have made sexual suggestions to women all of my life, and I have never met a woman who had any problems blowing me off. My advise to you is to keep smiling, and don't let them get you in a corner.

I have also had women say to me "my girl friend wants to take you home with her, are you availible?", or "are you availible for a sleep over at my house?" the older you get the more agressive women become. The world is full of lonely women, just think when you are my age you will have to beat them off with a stick.

The most imbarrasing incident I have ever had was when a 10 year old girl asked her mother "why can't our daddy be as much fun as Mr. Al"
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Jan 23, 2008 10:40AM)
You know what I've learned from your experiences? Maybe I just need to keep a sense of humor. That's been my only reaction in these situations, smile, and stick to the patter.

Thanks!
Message: Posted by: Father Photius (Jan 23, 2008 12:47PM)
Drunk aunts are not detered by rings. I never wear rings when performing, they definitely get in the way. As far as come ons, well that is all part of performing, I find a polite response that you are not available or not interested works wonders.
Message: Posted by: Al Angello (Jan 23, 2008 02:25PM)
I'm not allowed out to play late at night thank you, with a big sigh of dissapointment always works for me.
Message: Posted by: Bob Sanders (Jan 26, 2008 07:57PM)
Dean,

First I agree that the "tink" sound of a coin hitting a ring can ruin a trick. Taking your ring off may solve that problem. Mine has a few small rocks in it that catch the light on stage. Sometimes that too is part of the problem. Other times it is great misdirection. As a rule I take it off.

In 1987 my left hand was crushed in an auto accident. After surgery for five Thursdays in a row, it works fine and looks OK. But it hurts. I drive a lot. A week of 1200-1700 miles is not rare. I take the ring off on long drives and it leaves me in better shape for the show or lecture. The outside world has never offered the temptation that works on me like the guilt of being found dead or in a emergency room without that ring on.

Strange, but on stage it doesn't bother me. (Of course, my watch is off too. I'm a dove magician.)

Soon I will start my fiftieth year in the professional entertainment industry. Even when I was single I did not mix business with pleasure. (I did give away a lot tux shirts to regain my privacy. Most are just trophy hunters anyway.) My best defense has been simply looking married. I am very married. It has worked well.

Reality is that to a trophy hunter your wedding ring only makes the trophy more valuable. It is not about respect for the guy. But you have a choice. "No" is a very honest answer.

Bob Sanders
Magic By Sander
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Jan 26, 2008 09:29PM)
The nice thing is that my wife, friends and relatives all know exactly who I am. So I have no problems. My wife teaches high school and runs a drama department and takes her engagment ring off then she is building sets. We don't worry about it. I do make sure my wife knows where I am and when. For instance, I teach communication at a private college, and I don't meet in private with any female students. She knows who I'm with if I'm out, that kind of thing. It's not her rule, it's a mutual thing we like.

When I am in a job situation where I might have some private down time to work on coin stuff, I might tell new acquitances, hey, I'm not having problems at home, it's just that when I'm not working on x I have time to brush up my coin moves. Some of my best stuff is coins hand to hand. When they see it, they understand too.

I guess I'm not worried about getting genuine offers that I might considered, since I've had very clear offers from women I knew in the past and have been through all that already. I just get annoyed that it's one more distraction, and some of the comments are so blatant I don't always have a quick comeback.

But I have a new one thanks to Al!
Message: Posted by: Autumn Morning Star (Jan 27, 2008 09:45AM)
[quote]
On 2008-01-23 15:25, Al Angello wrote:
I'm not allowed out to play late at night thank you, with a big sigh of dissapointment always works for me.
[/quote]
Al said it all. When I see my husband working on a set without his ring (he acts in many theater productions) it always gives me a teensy sad feeling in the pit of my stomach, but it would give me a MUCH sadder feeling if he lost a finger because of the ring.

Keep this in mind: Women who are honorable and interested DO look for a ring on a man's finger, but even if there is no ring we will still ask someone if the guy is married before we start flirting. Most of the women who are aggressively after you do not care if you have a ring or not. I don't need to spell out what they are interested in and it is certainly not you or your wife's well-being!

As for me, I have two rings, one a very thin, channel-set diamond ring and the other one with big honking diamonds. I wear the thin one when I am performing and it does not get in the way of my close-up. The French drop never 'talks', but if I were doing certain coin tricks, I would definitely leave off the ring.

Guys will hit on me whether I have the ring on or off. Young guys in their twenties really find women who are older than them super-sexy and they hit on me a lot. (Demi Moore started this trend.) Philandering married men especially go for the women WITH the ring! I guess they figure we already have a husband but "need the occasional secret tryst with a recreational man". Geez! These men would NEVER get lucky with me, even if I was single!

When a woman comes on to you, (or a man comes on to me) you simply have to let them know you are very married, but in a nice way. I love Al's response and I think this is a graceful way of letting them down. Some people will not take no for an answer so you just have to walk away.
Message: Posted by: daver (Jan 31, 2008 10:24AM)
Funny; It's kinda random when I wear mine and when I don't. In addition to magic, I race bicycles, and a couple of hours in those goofy gloves and you can understand why I take off the ring when I train/race too. And plenty of times I forget to put it back on, or just don't bother. In addition to when I do coin work.

Interesting thing is that I find no difference in how I am approached by or interact with women whether the ring is on or not. As with other things in magic, it's just as much in how you carry yourself. (no offense intended to anyone, just an observation).

BTW, being married is a GREAT excuse to wear a PK ring as well. No one's gonna ask, "Hey! When did you get married?" :goof:
Message: Posted by: billy charisma (Feb 17, 2008 06:40AM)
I WEAR MY WEDDING RING, but its not what you wear that counts, I know its your manerisms and patter that set the scene, if you "inferre" that your available, then the drunken aunt might hit on you, (dont know why though, seen your photo!!)
but if they do get a bit friendly, just point out that your wife is in the wings watching, it normaly works!!
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Feb 17, 2008 08:21PM)
That's funny. Yes, I try to keep up the kind of friendliness that you would have for people entering your place of business, and it is the type I can use in front of a woman's husband, boyfriend or father, or in front of my wife.

Really, this thread started because I felt bad about one woman who was not really hitting on my me but was just being nice, like letting me know I could ask her out after, and I started just an ordinary conversation before I knew what was happening. I told the client my wife would be at the performance, which was for a denominational singles convention, and then at the last minute she got company and stayed home. SO you can see it is just a case of me worrying way too much about appearances.

Actually lately, getting a little older and being tired all the time rearing young kids and working a lot, I'm surprised I get flirted with even by drunk women.
Message: Posted by: sethb (Feb 19, 2008 09:40AM)
I can't help with the flirting problems, but as to your original issue with your French Drop move "talking" because of the ring -- have you tried using your non-ring hand for the drop? That's what I do, only because I think it would be too much trouble to keep removing and replacing my wedding ring. Plus, it's another good motivation for learning coin sleights with both hands. SETH
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Feb 19, 2008 09:49AM)
I knew if I tried to take the easy way out someone would someday recommend learning sleights with both hands. Actually, I have done a little of this. I do have a few other instances of palmed coins where this is a concern, and in the coins across I do I must alternately palm in each hand. But I am at the stage where I should be doing this. It also encourages me to make a longer sponge ball routine, and get a good card routine together.

At my age I should be grateful that anyone would bother, of course. It's not the flirting, so much, as the time the girl thought I was available and I realized that what I thought was just a pleasant conversation between sets was really her giving me an opening. Then I felt like I led her on. So stories about the wife go into my conversations as much as possible.
Message: Posted by: SeanD13 (Feb 19, 2008 10:05AM)
Have you thought of using something to pad the back of the ring to keep it from talking?

I have used yarn to pad the back of a ring in a trick to keep it from talking.

Sean
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Feb 19, 2008 09:44PM)
I've thought about it, I wonder how it will look to the audience. Also the ring is a little tight as it is. But I do think I might try some gold string or floss from a craft store.

Thanks, Sean.
Message: Posted by: Father Photius (Feb 19, 2008 11:24PM)
Well even the roman collar doesn't always help, but just being polite, but firm, that you are not available generally works. Beyond that, don't worry about drunk aunt mary following you home. I have been known to announce at the end of my shows "For $5 I'd be happy to give you an autograph, for $10 I'd be happy to give you an autographed picture, and for $25 I'd be happy to go home and sit on ur dresser" Never had a single one of those come on gals even ask for the autograph. Most of them are just having a bit of fun and being playful. Like the dog who chases the car, if she caught one she wouldn't know what to do with it, esp in a room full of her friends and relatives.
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Feb 20, 2008 08:28AM)
That is a very useful insight.

I guess when I boil it down my one concern was a situation like the one I described above where the young lady was not flirting, just making conversation, but it she was definitely being available to be asked out. I might have accidentally led someone on.

I also find it useful to overthink everything I do. In this way I end up coming to the same conclusions I did at first, but with a lot more energy expended that could have been used elsewhere. Like just using a Svengali deck once in a while instead of learning new sleights endlessly. (I don't shy away from sarcasm either, as long as I don't direct it at others.)

"Sit on your dresser" makes me think of one of those little figurines or gargoyles or good luck figures people decorate with ;)
Message: Posted by: Pete McEwen (Feb 20, 2008 09:21AM)
I am 23 and not married, but I wear a ring on my left finger. It's made out of a barber half. I use it for many reasons, one it makes approaching people in the bar easier because they immediatly assume I'm not going to hit on them. I also use it for my card on cieling routine. The coolest part is I always use barber halves, so the way I start my coin routine(s) is to turn my ring into a coin, then I produce more coins, do a coin routine, and then vanish the coins. Of course all but that last one which I turn back into my ring so it all makes sense. That's just how I look at it. I read the idea of turning the last coin into a ring that you put away at the beginning from Curtis Kam and Kainoa Harbottle. I then took the idea and instead of just putting away my ring I turn it into the first coin which then brings it full circle. I love this because it gives a coin routine an ending without using one of those stupid jumbo coins.

Pete

P.S. since I'm 23 and work at a bar, I reserve the right to move the ring to whichever hand I choose...
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Feb 20, 2008 12:16PM)
Geez, Pete.

I think you might have the ideal solution for me. I start out with a ring (not THE ring, that's not a prop) on my left hand and use it for the first trick. That points out the ring. One joke about taking care of the ring to avoid hurting my wife's feelings and I've woven the whole thing together. Just so long as I'm not too heavy-handed.

The royalty check is in the mail. Nice routine, BTW. And here I've been trying to work my jumbo coin into the routine.
Message: Posted by: Pete McEwen (Feb 20, 2008 12:55PM)
Glad I could help!
Message: Posted by: Al Angello (Feb 20, 2008 03:19PM)
Father Photius
The roman collar is the ultimate trophy, and if you were to give in it would be impossible to find in the morning.

One big contradiction with our job is that we get paid to be charming, and kinda ask for trouble.
Message: Posted by: ElizFantastic42 (Mar 31, 2008 08:04AM)
I am disappointed at the lack of a female perspective here. I am a 24 year old woman married 3 years and my husband is a computer nerd and has to take his ring off to prevent electrocuting himself, so we have addressed the problem this way. I told him that he didn't have to wear a ring if he got a small, inconspicuous silver tattoo of a wedding band on that finger. The pastor who married up blessed it like our original rings and from a few feet away it really looks just like a ring (to deter females) but won't hurt him and he never has to look for it where he put it down last.
"One big contradiction with our job is that we get paid to be charming, and kinda ask for trouble" I disagree with that, Mr. Angello. My husband and I have agreed that anything that you wouldn't do if they were standing right there next to you is not a great idea and could probably be called flirting. And I argue that there is quite a difference between being charming and sending a woman the message that there is something more to be had. Magicians are not strippers, or Hooters girls and the illusion (in my opinion) should not be reliant on the 'flirt' to start with.
I'm sure I look at this differently, being a woman, though.
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Mar 31, 2008 08:16AM)
ElizFantastic42:

Thanks for chiming in. The fact of the matter is I believe that I project an image of a professional, with just the goal you have in mind. It's not the blatant flirting I mind. That usually comes from someone I would keep a little extra emotional distance from anyway. Since I don't flirt with any spectators, they are not surprised that they get no response.

But I did have one sincere individual strike up a conversation with me, and after a little bit the quandary was, do I bring up my wife now, and have her possibly get defensive or embarassed? I had been married for 10 years and it didn't occur to me at the start that this could be her way of making an opening for me to ask for a date. She mentioned she did some clown work so I thought we were just talking shop. I also didn't want the client to hear about any misunderstanding and take it badly. But I've had repeat bookings and conversations with the client so I know I'm okay there.

My wife and I also have another little method that works well. I make sure she knows all about my day, who I talk to, etc. For instance, let's say I ask my teammates Kirk and Carrie, do you want to go to the deli for lunch? I would ask Kirk first, if he does, we include Carrie. If he has to back out, I make sure my wife hears about the lunch from me, and we pick a table near the front. Keeping everything transparent, and we follow your "just as if my spouse were here" rule. I don't want to mess up. Heck, I feel guilty if I put her shrinkable sweater in the dryer.

Thanks,
Dean
Message: Posted by: Bill Fienning (Apr 1, 2008 09:13PM)
Working the words "my wife" early into your routine should solve the problem in most cases. If there is small talk before or after the performance, mentioning that "my wife" doesn't usually come to my shows or some other reference to her might take care of the problem.

I always remove my wedding ring at performances if there is any danger of clinking, when I am working around the house for safety reasons, or at the gym because it is uncomfortable when lifting weights.
Message: Posted by: Scott Compton (Apr 6, 2008 01:01AM)
I have a ring on a gold chain around my neck. I will often approach a table and remove my ring, saying my wife would kill me if I mess this up. I remove the necklace while hiding the ring, grab the ring off the table and "toss it onto the necklace", set it on the table for them to examine while I ditch, and then pick it up and put it back on my neck. When I'm done, I will sometimes reverse the procedure and pluck it off the necklace and put it back on my hand.

But I do think that it is a matter of who you are. I can flirt, or not, I am comfortable either way, but I make sure that they know I am happily married for 23 years to the best friend I have ever had. With the right crowd I will say that we have been married for this long and I can't get rid of her. "I have left her everywhere, but she knows where we live and always finds me!" The fact is though, I love my wife dearly, and it shows.

Month 2
Message: Posted by: Dr. Solar (Apr 6, 2008 01:36AM)
Wow, all this coins talking problems can be relieved by wearing a ring made of lead, spray painted gold, or dipping you rings in the rubberish material used to dip and coat tool handles in and you could continue to walk around with the full security of knowing that that "band of gold" was still ever present and love flourished. As for the drunken women? Buy or serve them another drink and they will probably go in the other room and pass out. Next trick please...
Message: Posted by: impossible man (Apr 6, 2008 07:59AM)
All good ideas.

Maybe I will start leading off with "my wife's favorite trick."
Message: Posted by: osmar (Jun 10, 2008 04:42AM)
You don't necessarily have to take the ring off to perform coin routines or vanishes...just work around it...or simply just change your vanishing technique...I have mine for 2 years now, and even though it did present some challenge at first, it's worth the effort...you won't send the wrong message and your wife will feel better inside...(trust me...they say they don't mind, but they do)...