Bob, you are getting it! Good job. Your grips seem fine and you avoided most of the rhythm problem. Most people that struggle have the issue on the second "take". By watching your count, it seems that you made the last two counts last a beat longer than they normally would take so that the rhythm matched the first take.
So from here, work on a little more speed. Counts should be deliberate but casual. By that I mean, you are simply counting or showing the cards, no need to rush through it but no need to draw it out either. Maybe it is just me, but I wonder if spectators think something funny is going on when a count is that slow.
I think your LH movement is fine. Personally I wouldn't change that aspect. I like how you froze the RH, that is the way I do it. The only other thing I'd look at is how you get into the move. Again, casual. You seem to adjust the cards in a studied manner which to the spectator may cause them to suspect something is coming. Relax and let it flow.