A ship wrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals. They ate all the survivors and then began to pilage the ship. Aboard the ship was a beuatiful golden throne meant for the Queen of England. The King of the cannibals claimed he should be the only one to sit in it and the elders of the tribe said that all the elders should take turns sitting in it. They argued for a while, but decided to leave it on the ship and decide who will sit in it in the morning.

In the night the King decided to sneak aboard and steal the throne. He dragged it through the jungle to his grass hut and worked all night to hide it in his grass hut attic space. After the throne was in place, and the king sat down to rest, the attic floor, weakened by the weight of the throne, fell onto the king killing him instantly. Which just goes to prove that those who live in grass houses should not stow thrones!


Lyndel

These are great, guys! Keep 'em coming!

The King complained to his counsellor about the number of peasants presenting complaints about the running of his kingdom. "High taxes this, injustice that, blah, blah, blah... ." The next day at court this counsellor took the first peasant in line and bashed his head with a stout plank; the remaining peasants fled in terror.

"Behold, sire, I have eliminated your troubles using this invention. I call it...
a serf board!"

A man complained to his therapist about a recurring dream with slightly different motifs. "One night, I dream I'm a wigwam, the next I'm a teepee. This cycle just keeps repeating itself...What's it mean, doc?"

"You're two tents."

A draft horse was suffering from an infestation of sparrows in his mane. Unable to stand it any longer, he sought advice from the barn owl. "Sprinkle yeast in your mane, and eventually the nest will become inhabitable and the birds will leave." Following this counsel, Old Dobbin was delighted to discover the birds vanished post haste. "But why, O wise owl, did the sparrows go? Yeast is neither poisonous nor offensive to the nose!"

"That is true," hooted the owl, "yet well it is said: Yeast is yeast, and nest is nest, and never the mane shall tweet."

A man went to his dentist for a routine checkup. The dentist said "Sir, everything looks good but I'm a bit concerned about the metal plate I made for you. It's still in place but it's starting to deteriorate. What have you been eating?". The man replied, "Well, my diet has only had one major change. You see, my wife introduced me to hollendaise, and I eat it on everything. Can't get enough of the stuff". The dentist says, "That explains it. Hollendaise is very acidic. Now, this is really no problem, because I can make you a new plate. This time, though, I think we'll make it out of something stronger. I think we'll use chrome".

The above story is yet another example that there's no plate like chrome for the hollendaise.

On a recent visit to the Himalayas, I found myself in a small village where the locals were scared to death of a monster which would invade the town from time to time. The beast, known in their language as the "medicrin", would usually carry off a villager or two. They sought an expert in these matters and asked what to do. The expert told them that the medicrin's weakness was it's sweet tooth. They were instructed to get everyone to help dig a deep pit and fill it with pure sugar. The monster came along a few days later and found the pit, at which time he ate roughly half of the sugar. Then, to everyone's surprise, he jumped out, grabbed another villager, and stormed off. Perplexed, the people called the expert again and explained their dilemna. The man told them to try placing a loon in the sugar pit. The monster, apparently, loves to dine on fresh loon. The villagers did this, and that night, two things happened. The loon ate all the remaining sugar left in the pit, and when the beast approched, he gobbled up the loon, then fell over DEAD. The villagers celebrated! Then, they got to wondering why this strange combination had worked, so they asked the expert. His reply? "A loon full of sugar makes the medicrin go down".

Rather old, but still a gem . . .

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/......irst.htm

you will love this one.


Andy

A vegetarian goes to a doctor with symptoms of dirrhea; Dr's diagnosis: Salad Shooter!

A jester was going to be hanged for the abominable crime of committing puns.

As he stood on the gallows, the noose around his head, the king announced that he'd changed his mind and would pardon the jester.

"No noose is good noose," the jester observed.

So they hanged him anyway.

***

If you really want to immerse yourself in some terrible puns, you have to read the Callahan series by Spider Robinson. In one book, an odd Irish gnome sings a series of songs based on "That's Amore." I think one will suffice;

He's very short, he's a ham, his last name's Amsterdamn;
That's a Morry.

Sorry.

"If you swim in the sea
And an eel bites your knee
That's a moray..."

I think you actually <look> like I would picture the Doc looking!