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wulfiesmith Inner circle Beverley, UK 1339 Posts |
This thread is causing a right stink
wulfie |
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Bill Palmer Eternal Order Only Jonathan Townsend has more than 24312 Posts |
While a fart may be funny in some places, in the right context, it is purely hilarious.
"The Swatter"
Founder of CODBAMMC My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups." www.cupsandballsmuseum.com |
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Richard Evans Inner circle 1379 Posts |
There is a fantastic story that shows that farting has been a source of amusement for centuries.
In England in the 1600’s, Lord Edward de Vere, the Earl of Oxford, farted while bowing low and swearing loyalty to Queen Elizabeth I. He was so embarrassed at having let one rip in front of Her Majesty that he left the Royal Court and went into a self-imposed exile. After seven years, he gained enough courage to return to Court, reasonably supposing that the passage of time would have wiped the memory of his mishap. On his return, the Queen was reported to have reassured de Vere: "My Lord, I had quite forgotten the fart."
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. Elayne Boosler
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Bill Palmer Eternal Order Only Jonathan Townsend has more than 24312 Posts |
This may have been the event that inspired Mark Twain's long-suppresed novel 1601. If you can find a copy of it, read it. The first parts are quite funny.
Posted: Aug 16, 2005 10:23pm A dignified lady was in an examining room at the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What seems to be the problem?" "Well, I have a tendency to pass wind quite frequently. But no one knows that I am doing it. You see, they have no odor, and they make no sound, so I am the only one who is aware that it is happening at all. Sometimes when I am speaking in front of the gardening club, for example, I may pass wind a dozen or more times, but nobody knows. In fact, doctor, I have passed wind 8 times, just while I was telling you about this, but you had no way of knowing. Can you help me?" "Yes, ma'am. I certainly can. I'll give you something for that gas. But I think we ought to see about putting you on some kind of decongestant to clear out those sinuses and getting you a hearing aid."
"The Swatter"
Founder of CODBAMMC My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups." www.cupsandballsmuseum.com |
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NJJ Inner circle 6437 Posts |
My uncle used say "just stepped on a frog!"
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Bill Palmer Eternal Order Only Jonathan Townsend has more than 24312 Posts |
Why do farts smell?
For the benefit of the deaf.
"The Swatter"
Founder of CODBAMMC My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups." www.cupsandballsmuseum.com |
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
I just love a topic with class! And this one "reeks' of it! (pun intended!)
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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Bill Palmer Eternal Order Only Jonathan Townsend has more than 24312 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-08-17 03:42, Nicholas J. Johnson wrote: Have you ever actually stepped on a frog? I did accidentally once. It doesn't sound the same at all. But those barking spiders -- that's another story. Here -- pull my finger.
"The Swatter"
Founder of CODBAMMC My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups." www.cupsandballsmuseum.com |
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mike paris Regular user 179 Posts |
Bill,ain,t it strange,,,Here--Pull My Finger,,,hearing that expression shot me back to nearly 50 years ago when I last heard it.
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Chessmann Inner circle 4242 Posts |
Where did "pull my finger" come from? Anyone know?
In Jr. High school some friends and I had to do a "radio play". We chose to make up our own version of Star Trek. I was Captain Kirk. "Mr. Sulu, lock Farton Torpedoes on target and await my command." Sulu: "Farton torpedoes....locked. You can probably imagine the sound effect used when they were fired.
My ex-cat was named "Muffin". "Vomit" would be a better name for her. AKA "The Evil Ball of Fur".
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Bill Palmer Eternal Order Only Jonathan Townsend has more than 24312 Posts |
At the Texas Renaissance Festival, I had a routine where I brought a person up from the audience to pull a sword out of a stone.
When the sword came out of the stone, there was a HUGE crash of thunder. I said, "Thou hast pulled the sword from the stone, and the heavens have sounded their approval. Thou hast pulled the sword ... now, pull thou my finger." When he pulled my finger, there was another thunderclap. Then I said, "Oh, nay! I have erred grievously, for when these good people return home, they will try this, themselves, and lacking the proper sound effects, they will be forced to improvise." This got a huge laugh.
"The Swatter"
Founder of CODBAMMC My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups." www.cupsandballsmuseum.com |
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Chessmann Inner circle 4242 Posts |
Bill, were the thunderclaps actual thunderclaps, or sound effects?
If the former, WOW! If the latter, it is still pretty dog-gone funny.
My ex-cat was named "Muffin". "Vomit" would be a better name for her. AKA "The Evil Ball of Fur".
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
A Guide to the Identification and Classification of North American Farts
Learning- or better still, thinking up- names for fart types is a traditional early-adolescent ritual. Similarly, methods of identifying the source of a fart are a subject of peer-group, or tribal, speculation, the usual rule of thumb being "Who smelled it, dealt it," or "The smeller's the feller." Occasionally, this oral tradition has acheived the level of Xerox publication, but never before has a systematic analysis, along the lines of Jane's Fighting ships or A Field Guide to the Birds, been attempted in print. Tentatively, then, we present the following. Blind Farts: Traditional noiseless reekers. (Expression since circa 1880 - see also "SBD's"). Boomers: Full-throated, rousing explosions; the parent orginism frequently betrays his or her authorship with a smile of ill-conceled pride. Carpet Creepers: Heavier- than- air creations, these linger and permeate the atmosphere at or near ground level; source invariably anonymous, having left the room. Fizzles: Efforts at first promising, but eventually unsatisfactory, at least to the donor; often effective upon bystanders. Often the last of a series; originator betrays disappointment. Fudgies: See Wet Ones. One-Cheek Sneaks: Attempted surreptitous contributions, usually signified BY the the artist's "tilting". Ricocheting off metal "bridge chairs" or church pews, they posses satisfactory resonance, produce blushes, giggles, glares. Poohs: Open-spincter donations, gusty and full-bodied, but lacking sonority; popular on buses; customarily unaknowledged. SBD's: (Silent But Deadly type). Consistant with the Law of Conservation of Energy, what SBD lacks in audible qualities is compensated for in a semi-lethal olfactory intensity. The mechanism responsible is usually the innocent-looking person glancing about suspiciously. Screamers: High-pitched, tight-spincter offerings, often of astonishing duration and tonal variations; most pleasuribly exchanged among roomates or frat brothers, or inspired by presence of officious bureaucrat. Sliders: See One-Cheek Sneaks. Squeegies: Small, immature, and moist products. Humiliating for all concerned. Wet Ones: (aka Brewer's Farts, Fudgies, Playing Misty). Samples are accompnied by gutteral, rasping, or lisping sound, indicating vaporous content. Originator registers astonishment, dred, then departs, walking funny. Whiffers: see Poohs
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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mike paris Regular user 179 Posts |
The cause of them has been missed out,Baked beans, Cabbage, Onions, Eggs and Brocoli, add your suggestions to the list.
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Definitely peanuts and beer.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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