Hey everyone, let's try and make this a big'un! Every day, someone has to post a random joke - rules are:
1. It can not be rude
2. It can not be a classic, really cheesy joke like a knock,knock joke or something

Here's mine:

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey, we have a dring named after you," and the grasshopper says "You have a drink named Gavin?"

And here's another one:

A man walks into a bar - OUCH! - it was an iron bar!

There you go, now get those members posting!!!

F.D.

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were walking on a beach when they found a bottle. When they uncorked it, out popped a Genie.
“Thank you, masters” cried the Genie “As I am permitted to grant three wishes, I will grant one wish to each of you. Who will be first?”.
The Scotsman says “My wish is simple. I am a fisherman. My father was a fisherman, and his father before that. I want my son to be a fisherman, so my wish is that the sea be filled with fish and never run out.”
“Granted” says the Genie and claps his hands. KABOOM!!! Immediately the sea is alive with fish, swimming, jumping splashing.
“I’m next,” says the Englishman, “I love my country and would like to make it safe from all invaders. Can you do that?”
“Easily” the Genie replies, claps his hands and KABOOM!!! there is a huge wall encircling England.
“Hold on a minute,” says the Irishman, “tell me more about this wall.”
The Genie then turns to the Irishman and says “It’s 100 ft high and 50ft thick and nothing can get in or out.”
“In that case” says the Irishman “fill it with water.”

Two muffins are baking in an oven

One turns to the other and says:
"Its hot in here"

The other says:" OH MY! A Talking Muffin!"

Derek Merdinyan

Why do they call it a seagull?

Because it flys over the sea. If it flew over the bay, they would call it a BAYgull.





There are two penguins on an iceberg, one turns to the other and says "you look like you're wearing a tuxeduo" and the other one says "Who says I'm NOT?"

My favorite groaner:

What do you call a wolf who strolls along the beach at Christmans time?



Sandy Claws!

Three Irishmen walked past a bar...

Hey! It COULD happen!

No airship, it couldn't happen! LOL,
a one I invented... What is dark, tasty and barks? - A chocolate SLABrador!!!

What's brown and sticky?





A Stick!

So a skeleton walks into a bar and orders a mop and a beer...

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming...

Here come the elephants.




What did the elephants say when they saw Tarzan coming?

Nothing, elephants can't talk.

What's black and white and black and white and black and white?

A nun rolling down a hill!


If a bisexual goes missing,
would they put their picture on a carton of half and half?

What do you get if your cow has a twitch?

Beef Jerky!

Prof. Piper (who has THOUSANDS of groaners!)

What's black, white and red and can't go through a revolving door?

A nun with a harpoon through her head.


Two cows are in a field and one turns to the other and says, "Aren't you worried about getting
mad cow disease?" And the other cow says, "No, I'm a helicopter."


Greg

A Zen Buddhist goes up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with everything."

A Zen Buddhist leaves a store and is accosted by a panhandler asking for spare change. The Buddhist says "Change can only come from within."

How many magicians does it take to make a magic video?
Ten - one to demonstrate the magic, and nine to say "That ought to be me up there."

A clown walks into a bar, and the bartender says "I can give you a drink, but don't try anything funny."

I asked for the Eggs Benedict.
The waiter brought them to me served on a silver hubcap.
I ask what in the world was going on.
The waiter said, "There's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise."

How high is "up"?
Twice as far as "half-way".

What's the difference between an ill horse, and a dead bee?
One's a seedy beast, and the other's a bee deceased!

Where does a six hundred pound gorilla sit when he walks into your living room? Anywhere he wants.

Where does a six hundred pound and one ounce gorilla sit?

On top of the six hundred pound gorilla, of course.

A man dies and finds himself outside the pearly gates. Saint Peter walks up and says "Welcome, in a moment you'll go in for your judgement. Now, I have a clipboard here, and I need to get some basic information from you. Also, there's a blank space at the bottom where I can write any good deed that you've done, if you think it'll help your chances". The man thinks and says, "Well, there was this one time when I was out jogging, and I heard a scream from around the corner. I ran over and saw the biggest, meanest looking biker I've ever seen, and he had a young lady by the throat. I didn't know what to do, so I went over to his Harley and pushed it over. That definitely got his attention, and he let the young lady go and started over toward me. I quickly yelled RUN, and she ran away". Saint Peter says "WOW, that's incredible. You probably saved her life! I'm definitely going to write this down. Now, can you tell me when this happened?". The man says, "About 5 minutes ago".