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Eddini_81976 Inner circle 2183 Posts |
(I had wrote this as two Bulletins on myspace. The first was a apology of sorts, as on myspace, I posted literally 30 pictures in a Bulletin to 500 people of REAL DEAD BODIES, war victims, babies, kids, adults crime scenes...etc. It's over. The second was a explanation, as I felt I owed it to my friends and here to an extent as people here know I've been struggling. I'm NOT looking for sympathy, just letting people know what's going on. I have some curse words but I think the sights automatically edits them out. The MAIN THING is I'M DOING BETTER.)
Hey everyone, I wrote both these as bulletins and I wanted to make sure you got them. I'm home now my family and I are okay now I guess. On 12-1-08, I Od'ed on 50 crushed pills and stabbed myself, feeling very lonely and depressed. The guy that runs my building found me the Paramedics came and I was on a medical floor for 2 days, and then on a Psych floor for 9 days. I'm feeling a little better though. I need to start seeing my Therapist weekly, GETTING OUT OF MY HOUSE JOINING GROUPS, Support Groups...etc and most importantly getting back involved in my church. I only share this with you as I know you, and trust you. Please don't ever worry about me. I was fuming mad, plus depressed when those pictures were posted. I had posted a video here on Suicide the Saturday before, kinda graphic on Suicide, but in the long run it had a good message. On facebook, I belong to a suicide prevention group, and I have like 350 friends there and invited them all, and more than half joined as it's affected almost everyone. It has 30 links on Depression, Suicide..etc, where to get help. I try to advocate for the Mentally Ill, though not very good at it. I try to give a voice to those who haven’t got one and I’m NOT AFRAID to say what people only think. Anyway though I WAS NOT suicidal THEN, someone called the cops. The cops came saw the post and said I was fine that day. I was ****ed. Before I sent the post with the pics, I was like "Which One Of You Mother ****ers Called, The Cops. Look at the post again you'll see I DID NOT write I was going to hurt myself or anyone else,, mind your own business, stay the **** out of it, or I'll make you stay out of it...etc". I knew it was someone close, and I wrote like 30 of my top 40, they denied, so I sent that post to everyone, and THEN yes I was very depressed. I wanted it to traumatize the living **** out of the person that called the cops, as you don't do that to me. I'm just very sorry to all the innocent people that had to see it including you. My head's clearer now, and it's over I won't get myself riled up about it again. Thanks for the offer and I'll have to do that. I'm lonely at 32, no mate or kids and my younger siblings having them. I'm not into clubs, bars, and it's hard to meet people I just struggle in the Winter I guess. Sorry again Good Luck, See you Soon. Ed. I Owe You ALL A Explanation For My Recent Troubles I wrote a apology post for my pics and people are probably wondering why I’d OD, and Stab myself and I feel I owe it to you all a explanation so here it is. I have Bipolar A.K.A. Manic Depression, so I have EXTREME LOWS. It's not the first time. It's (not to sound like a loser) no friends like in person to hang with. My only friend is in Dover, N.H. he's 63 with Lou Gerrick's disease. I've known him 12 years we're very close. As far as friends to call and say let's hang out, I don't really have any. I'm not looking for sympathy, it's hard. I've never owned a car but I do keep my liscence current and I'm 32. I'm the oldest in my family, my brother David is 28, with a mate 2 step-daughters 7 & 3, plus their expecting their own in March. My sister Heidi 26 just had my baby niece Kayla 9-22, and I love her to death. I'm not jealous and am so happy for them, but it's like when to I find my true love, and have kids. I've wanted a wife and kids since my early 20's. I'm not into bars or clubs, I've tried match.com, my church has no singles group, and the older you get the harder it is to find someone. It's not like I NEED someone just want someone to love and share a life with. I've always had bad luck in love my longest out of 4 (yes 4) relationships at 32 was 1 year at age 20, when I was engaged. I try here and facebook, to try to meet people and be like let's meet so and so, for coffee. I AM thankful for what I have though, and know others sadly have it worse off. I'm NOT into looks or age as long as they are 18 or older. Preferably, I'd like a girl 18-23, who caring, loving, playful, artistic, affectionate, loves God, Kids, and animals, motherly, just the sweetheart, girl next door type. Hell when I was 28, I saw a lady who was 36. I'm just talking about what I prefer, but am accepting. We all have our crosses to bear I guess. I’m going to try to get our of my house more find support groups, go to weekly therapy instead of once or twice a month, and get involved back with my church. Thanks so much though, Ed. Peace, Ed. P.S. While not posting graphic pictures, I WILL however continue to post videos on Depression, Suicide, Magic, Myself...etc, stuff that affects ALL PEOPLE and to try to educate people on SOMETIMES tough subjects.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
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Douglas Lippert Inner circle E Pluribus Unum 2343 Posts |
Stay positive Ed and take care of yourself.
It may not be my place but PM me and I'll give you some pointers about getting a good gal. Best, Doug L.
Douglas Lippert
Former I.B.M. Ring #8 Secretary |
Father Photius Grammar Host El Paso, TX (Formerly Amarillo) 17161 Posts |
Ed, this place wouldn't be the same without you. Hang in there guy.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
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Eddini_81976 Inner circle 2183 Posts |
Thank you very much, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
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Pete Legend Inner circle Ireland 1401 Posts |
Welcome back!
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Justin Style Inner circle 2010 Posts |
May peace be with you, Ed.
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Pakar Ilusi Inner circle 5777 Posts |
Ed, been almost through what you have but still can't dare say I understand...
However, this I try to remember every day now... "Tomorrow is not a promise and yesterday is no longer here. Today is a gift from God. That's why we call it the PRESENT... So make the most of it while YOU can..." Hope it helps... You hang in there, my friend...
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
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Danny Hustle Inner circle Boston, MA USA 2393 Posts |
One day at a time Ed!!!! I'm sending positive thoughts your way man, get well, take care, and know you've got people wishing you well!
All the best, Dan- "MT is one of the reasons we started this board! I’m so sick of posts being deleted without any reason given, and by unknown people at that." - Steve Brooks Sep 7, 2001 8:38pm ©1999-2014 Daniel Denney all rights reserved. |
Magnus Eisengrim Inner circle Sulla placed heads on 1053 Posts |
Ed.
I've been at the Café for a few years, and you've posted some of the most amazingly honest things I've seen here. I do feel like I know you. I've never been to Portsmouth, but if chance should take me there, please take time for a coffee and some magic together. Take care, man. John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats |
stoneunhinged Inner circle 3067 Posts |
Eddini, it's a very weird world in which strangers in the internet care about you, isn't it?
But we do. I don't know you, but you are a brother...an internet magician brother...and you have whatever love and support I can give you in this forum. Jeff |
Al Kazam the Magic Man Inner circle Living in Perth Western Australia 1042 Posts |
Hang in there Eddini, one step at a time. Wishing you all the best for the future.
JoJo
Magic guy in Perth Australia
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Eddini_81976 Inner circle 2183 Posts |
Wow I'm overwhelmed with all the care and generosity you all have given me and I truly appreciate that. Since I don't drive you'd have to come my way but I'd treat for coffee and dinner or something and we could swap ideas. I'm feeling a bit better. Check out my latest posts I got some poetry put up, and videos. You guys and Girls rock. I'm so happy I'm alive and to be here. It's funny like everyone we all have our struggles but believe it or not it's usually me people come too. We're always a better Therapist to others than ourselves. Seriously in turn if ever want to PM me and chat, rap, or whatever I'll try my hardest to be there for you. I'll even give you my number. I only have a homephone, never had a cell, but I'll trust you. Justin was that you on Rachael Ray a while back performing? She seems so sweet and down to earth. Anyway I wish you all and your Loved Ones a Very Happy Holidays, your friend NOT just in Magic I hope, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
P.S. Add me at myspace if you like the link is below.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
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Tom Fenton Inner circle Leeds, UK (but I'm Scottish) 1477 Posts |
Ed,
You're in my thoughts. Tom
"But there isn't a door"
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Eddini_81976 Inner circle 2183 Posts |
Thanks bud, you take care and have a Merry Christmas and may the new year be filled with nothing but Happiness and jot, God Bless You, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
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Review King Eternal Order 14446 Posts |
Ed, hang in there! We're in your corner and NEED you on then planet!
"Of all words of tongue and pen,
the saddest are, "It might have been" ..........John Greenleaf Whittier |
Scott Compton Special user Hampton, VA 747 Posts |
Ed,
Hang in there buddy, and I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and great New Year!
Magic is an art. I am merely a tour guide.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Scott-Compton-Magician/160270640674735 "You are the magic" Jay Ose to Albert Goshman |
Eddini_81976 Inner circle 2183 Posts |
Thanks Tom, Chris Scott, and others it means a lot. So far this year is good, except for vomiting at 6AM from being a little hungover...lol. Happy New Year To You All As Well, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
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Tom Fenton Inner circle Leeds, UK (but I'm Scottish) 1477 Posts |
Ed,
I hope that 2009 is YOUR year.
"But there isn't a door"
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Eddini_81976 Inner circle 2183 Posts |
Thanks me too, Ed, (Eddini), C.H.
"Treat Others As You'd Want To Be Treated" - Jesus Christ
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landmark Inner circle within a triangle 5194 Posts |
Stevie Wonder once wrote a great song that has the line, "every day's a new day . . ."
Wishing you the best Be kind to yourself, Jack Shalom
Click here to get Gerald Deutsch's Perverse Magic: The First Sixteen Years
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