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Michael J. Douglas Inner circle WV, USA 1645 Posts |
Hi all,
I'm trying to come up with some humorous lines about how illogical our behavior can be, such as: "We'll drive ten miles out of town to save three cents on gas." "We used to send the mentally unstable to a hospital, now we send them to Washington." "Why do we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?" I'd love to have more if you've got any to share!
Michael J.
�Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things.� --from Shakespeare�s �As You Like It� |
KiKi Inner circle GERMANY/ Hannover 1143 Posts |
Why does a magician cut a rope, just to restore it afterwards?
kiki |
edh Inner circle 4698 Posts |
Michael, I would suggest viewing some of George Carlin's videos.
Magic is a vanishing art.
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HerbLarry Special user Poof! 731 Posts |
Yeah steal Georges stuff cause he's dead huh?
Can't wait till Rickles & Newhart go, shouldn't be long now. I heard Ballantine's act was up for grabs too.
You know why don't act naive.
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Lawrence O Inner circle French Riviera 6811 Posts |
"I made you take a card out so that you can lose it in the deck... How smart is that? Well try and remember it never the less"
Now this is what a French could contribute English! Let's face it: English is an odd language. There is no egg in an eggplant No ham in hamburgers And neither pine nor apple in a pineapple. A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. French fries are claimed by the Belgians, not the French. And boxing rings are definitely square. If lawyers can be disbarred and clergymen defrocked, shouldn't it follow that electricians may be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed? Now if writers write, how come fingers don't fing. Since the plural of tooth is teeth Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth And in the same way, that, during my youth, teachers taught, Why didn't the preacher praught. Most people take English for granted But if we examine its paradoxes we find that Quicksands take us down slowly And when stating that four men out of five suffer from headaches, It doesn’t imply that the fifth one enjoys it. Knowing that a vegetarian eats vegetables doesn’t tell what a humanitarian eats!? Could someone explain why people do recite at a play And yet play at a recital. Or why Americans park on driveways And drive on parkways Or how can the weather be as hot as hell on one day, And as cold as hell on another one Shouldn’t we wonder at the unique lunacy Of a language where a house can burn up As it burns down. And in which I’m suppose to fill in a form … by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes! English was invented by people, not computers And it betrays the ambiguities of this human race (which of course isn't a race at all) where a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist when a person who plays the piano is called a pianist? That is why when the stars are out, they are visible But when the lights are out, they are invisible So why is it that when I wind up my watch It starts But when I wind up this kind of fantasy It ends.
Magic is the art of emotionally sharing live impossible situations
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Michael J. Douglas Inner circle WV, USA 1645 Posts |
Thanks, Lawrence. I had something like that saved once, but I lost it when an old computer went kaput.
Michael J.
�Believe then, if you please, that I can do strange things.� --from Shakespeare�s �As You Like It� |
Mr. Mystoffelees Inner circle I haven't changed anyone's opinion in 3623 Posts |
Great, Lawrence- many laughs there, followed by "yeah, why is that?"
One of mine, although probably the pro guys have long ago beat me to it, why is it called a "toothbrush", unless you are the guy in Deliverance?? Jim
Also known, when doing rope magic, as "Cordini"
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Tom Fenton Inner circle Leeds, UK (but I'm Scottish) 1477 Posts |
What was Captain Hook called before he lost his hand?
"But there isn't a door"
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Lawrence O Inner circle French Riviera 6811 Posts |
• Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. -- George Bernard Shaw
• Click the 'Start' button to Shut Down the computer. • Why don't they make the whole airplane out of that black box stuff? -- Steven Wright
Magic is the art of emotionally sharing live impossible situations
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DATMagic Veteran user Shreveport, La 302 Posts |
Lawrence, that was classic. Thanks for the laugh.
David A Trombetta
DAT does the Trick DATdoestheTrick.com email [email]DATMagic@aol.com[/email] |
Steve_Mollett Inner circle Eh, so I've made 3006 Posts |
Adult audience only:
If a ram is a sheep, and an a** is a donkey, how is it a RAM in the A** is a GOOSE?
Author of: GARROTE ESCAPES
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth. - Albert Camus |
marvinlzinn New user 1 Post |
I do not see how this is connected to other messages on this forum, but this is what I am thinking about:
Most people I know just seems to be very illogical. As with the introductory message, when I worked at Walgreens I could see many customers who drive to spend more money per trip than they ever save on the prices. But the following is about a woman who says every day she wants to improve her health, including reduction of weight. She eats good food and trys to reduce sugar. She drives one mile to a store to buy cigarettes. She then walks with someone five miles for exercise. OK, I know it is hard to stop smoking, but at least why not walk to the store for it instead of driving, and then walk for exercise only? It is a huge waste of time to get exercise for nothing else, instead of getting exercise to accomplish something you otherwise need to do. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH! |
yachanin Inner circle Cleveland, OH 2105 Posts |
We believe the sun is approximately 93,000,000 miles from Earth because we read it in a book, yet when we see a "Wet paint" sign, we have to touch the object to see for ourselves.
Regards, Steve
"Impossible? Your audience will think so..." TM
Thought Association Card Triangulation Word Search Detective Christmas Eve Sights - Start A Family Tradition |
Bill Hilly Elite user 449 Posts |
Quote:
On 2010-01-29 17:45, DATMagic wrote: Actually, it was plagiarism. It was a song, words by Josh White, Jr. and Pete Seeger (Based on Richard Lederer's "Crazy English") Copyright (c) 1996 Credit where credit is due. |
Ray Bertrand Inner circle Ottawa, Ontario 1452 Posts |
How come???
-It's called 'rush hour' and you can't rush anywhere. - It's called 'apeed bumps' and you can't speed over them. Ray
Mentalism in Ontario.
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panlives Inner circle 2087 Posts |
In one of Dan Ariely’s books ( I think it is “Predictably Irrational”), he makes the claim, backed by empirical data, that a spouse is more likely to forgive their partner for cheating than for habitually leaving the dishes in a dirty heap in the kitchen sink.
You might want to read the book for some astonishing illogical behavior traits!
"Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?"
"To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time." "The dog did nothing in the night-time." "That was the curious incident," remarked Sherlock Holmes. |
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