One last thought on social skills...don't make it about you. When you meet someone smile, be friendly and ask them questions about themselves. Most people like to talk about themselves and everyone wants to know that someone interested in them. I really like the suggestion about taking a job in retail. It will force you to interact with people and the focus of the interaction is on them and their needs.

Likewise, focus your magic experience on the audience. It is a subtle shift in thinking, but you should be focused on making sure the folks in front of you are entertained, not just showing them some magic. If they are like you and are being entertained they will be less critical in their thought process and it will be much easier to amaze them. It is a left brain vs. right brain thing.

Mostly, stay with it and practice often. Like the technical aspects of magic the social interaction part gets easier with practice. The more often you practice any skill the more natural it becomes. Good luck!

Make sure you're comfortable with yourself and your effects well in advance to performing in front of strangers. Once you have self confidence and good routines, just be friendly and be you. Feel the magic that your spectators feel, and make magic become real.

Welcome. And yea I suffer from the same thing. Imagine what my hands were like when I did a magic trick few weeks ago for an Actor that has been on TV and in movies since before I was born.
The actor is only known in my country. But my god was it nerve wrecking.
My hands were shaking like a ketchup bottle that someone keeps hitting to try to get the rest of the ketchup out.

We are talking about (the closest reference I can get to) "The jack nicholson" of my country XD

I think an acting class might be more useful than the speech class. It prepares you to perform for others, which is vital.

I don't have a magic club near me and I am not aware of one in this half of the state. I can't say whether it would be all that useful. If you have one near you, having other magicians to help you out is probably a very good thing.

Toastmasters is either free or nominal in cost and will do a lot to prepare you to address the public.

My advice beyond what is already here is to think about your routines and motivations strongly. Why do you want to share the magic with others (I have my own reasons, you have yours, but it took me a while to figure mine out)? How would you share the magic if you didn't have the nerves but were still you? Can you think of a way to do it where the focus is all on the audience? Could you make a mental movie or story board that allows you to work through a situation where you are totally silent as you present a trick? Would you find it entertaining and magical if you were the audience?

Okay, an example:
Magician pulls out a deck of playing cards and a small stack of index cards. He hands the top index card to spec, spreads the deck. The index card instructs the spec to take a card, show nobody else, memorize it, and replace it in the deck. He draws a card from the deck and it says "play along and join in the fun - pretend you chose the nine of hearts." Next index card is held up for all to read: "Your card is a red card. True or false?" Next one: "Your card is a number card. True or false?" Next one: "Your card is the nine of hearts. True or false?" After he says true for this time, look puzzled. Look at the deck. Show the final index card: "That's impossible. I don't have a nine of hearts in this deck." Spread the deck to show that all of the cards are the ace of spades. Everyone gets a chuckle.

This is a joke routine that is meant to look like a magic trick and it connects with one member of your audience in a very personal way, since you are asking him to play along. By being silent you avoid stammering or sounding nervous. The only skill you need to perform it is the ability to spread half a deck of cards while the other half is held as a block. Well, that and looking puzzled as you show the last index card. The reason for the play-along message instead of just having the top half the deck be the 9 of hearts is so he doesn't ask to look at the deck and leave you having to refuse. Setup should be totally obvious.

After this opener, you can either start talking or continue to work in pantomime and pull out a regular deck (which you spread face-up to show it is normal) and proceed with two actual magic tricks. Stop after two. It shows that you know more than one, implying a large repertoire, but it is a set that you can do without it getting too big. It is also not too hard to hold yourself together for two real tricks when you know you already have the audience on your side. More is inviting disaster. If anyone does request another, say something like "sorry, I'm superstitious and if I do more than three card tricks I'll have bad luck." Hope you have to say this often, as it means your tricks are entertaining folks, which is what you want to do.

I'm not saying you have to do the routine I just described. That was an illustration of the mental movie concept I was suggesting. I made that whole routine up as I typed it (which may be totally obvious). My goals were: entertainment potential, self-working, get the audience on your side (at least one member, anyway), surprise finish, no talking (which can easily betray nervousness). You are welcome to use the idea, but I encourage you to put in a little time imagining a routine that would work for you and allow you to work around your nerves. Think out the way it looks before you tackle how it works. Feel free to share what you come up with, too!

-Patrick

Toastmaster's International (as already mentioned above) is an absolutely terrific organization that helps you learn confidence and public speaking skills...all of which will help your "problem" (which is not a problem...just normal human reaction).

In addition to this, if you have a Dale Carnegie course available in your area, I HIGHLY recommend then. Thy have a public speaking course, and they also have a course titled "How To Win Friends and Influence People" which may be of interest.

Also, the more confident you get with you magic, the easier it will be to perform in front of people. Start small, and work your way up. Don't make your first public performance in front of 10,000 people on worldwide television! LOL.

It will all work out. Just remember, you have friends here...come and chat anytime!

One clinically proven way to treat social integration problems is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) with particular reference to the field of cognitive restructuring via group therapy. It does actually work and is based on peer reviewed science.

Bloody hell! Still using big words? At least there is no Latin anyway.

With regard to the subject of this topic I am delighted to inform the multitude that I have no social skills whatsoever and must say it has stood me in good stead throughout my life.

What a setup for a train wreck. Advice for social skills off a magic forum no less. wow. this is amusing and sad.

I have seen several people say it..
But I HIGHLY reccomend joining a magic club. Fellow magicians, many whom have been in the same boat or still are! No worries about being made fun of, and a GREAT place to practice with others who will gladly help you out, and encourage you. Not to mention hanging out with people who also enjoy magic!

Good luck to you!

BTW: most magic clubs allow you to attend a few meetings for free to test it out.

Mike

How about getting hold of a copy of 'Look No Hands' by Wayne Dobson. Ten tricks that the spectators do for themselves. You don't have to worry about pulls and lifts and can focus just on presentation. When you are more comfortable with that, get back to doing the the things you enjoy.

From the reviews of his book:
“Look No Hands” is a new collection of 10 routines from the ever astonishing Wayne Dobson, and the theme, as you may have guessed, is that all of the tricks have been structured to work without the need for the magician to touch anything.

Just a thought.

Getting involved in a local theatre group might help as well. You can build social skills while also learning stage presence, etc.

There have been a lot of good suggestions. I think one thing you may need to look at is to try to figure out what the source of the nervousness actually is. Are you afraid of public speaking or performing in general? Or is the fear more of a specific type, ie., fear that a trick won't work? When I was younger and first getting started, I had a little bit of experience with both, and here's how I conquered them.

In the case of the former, I just forced myself, by gradual degrees, to make myself seen. Some of the tricks I used are certainly not going to work for everyone, but here are the things that helped me out a bit. I started recording videos and putting them on YouTube. I don't mean magic videos. I mean, just me talking into the camera about topics that I find interesting. First time, I was a bit nervous, but it was a safe environment in that I knew I wouldn't have to post it if I flubbed a line or whatever. But then, once I said my piece, I did post it. I made sure that complete strangers could--and did--see me talking. It's a gradual step, but that's what sometimes is required.

Another thing that I think helped: I ended up spending several years working in retail. Forced to work with the public. Hundreds of times every day, I had to meet a complete stranger and have an interaction, but it was a safe one, because everything was pretty much as expected. They need help finding a book, I look it up. They're ready to pay, I take the money. Perfectly ordinary, but I was interacting with the public. Building up an immunity to it, so to speak. And even within that, there were gradual degrees. My first jobs in retail were very standard. My last became more of a sales job, and I had to actively push specific items and get the sales. Building up those skills.

And then, I finally decided, I'm just going to go for it. So I spent a while just doing strange things out on the streets. Not performing a show per se, but just doing things that would get people's attention. Because conquering that fear is all about forcing yourself to realize that there's really nothing to be afraid of. It's okay to be seen. It's okay to make a fool of yourself.

Regarding the latter type of fear--the fear that a trick won't work--there are only two things you can do. First, practice, practice, practice. I'll say it again: practice. You need to know your material inside, outside, upside down, backwards, every possible way there is to know it. You should be able to do it blindfolded and with one hand tied behind your back (metaphorically speaking, of course). Then you know there's really very little chance it's going to go wrong, because the moves are almost automatic by that point. The other thing...just realize that sometimes it is all going to go wrong, and it's not the end of the world. There's always an "x" factor in any live performance that means something can go wrong. Some day, it will. And you know what? You feel like ****, maybe have a few drinks that night, and then pick yourself up, realize it's not a big deal, and go on to the next show.

A few months ago, I was trying out a new piece of material--a mentalist effect. It relied on a mathematical principle to accomplish the dirty work. Very simple mathematics (just addition and subtraction of relatively small numbers). And the way it's structured, it's one of the very few math-based effects that I actually like. Generally, I don't think they're very deceptive. But I think this one is. So I spent a couple months working on it, making it my own, crafting a routine, practicing it, making it as perfect as I could before giving it a trial run. I then did it for some people I know and trust--first test. It worked great. So it was ready for the show. I put it into my act. I got a guy on stage, and started going through the whole thing, and I get to the climax...you know what happened? Despite my fail-safes, the volunteer did his math wrong. It didn't work.

In that situation, there are a couple things one can do. You can curl up into a ball and never do magic again. You can take the moment and turn it into a gag. Or you can just let it go and keep on going. Either of the latter two is acceptable, and either way, the important thing is that you later go back, take it apart, figure out what went wrong, and fix it. In my case, what I actually did was to say "And now you see just how hard these things actually are. With that in mind, let's try another experiment" and I went into my spike roulette. The first trick failed, and so I used that to, hopefully, make the impact of the second one even stronger. And I now add a calculator when I perform that effect.

So, things will go wrong. You just need to practice to minimize it, and then realize that these things will happen and it's not a big deal. Things will go wrong, and that's okay.

All that said, though...the best way to get rid of nerves? Just go out there and do it. You can only conquer your fear by facing it. You can do it with baby steps, or you can dive right in the deep end, and there's nothing necessarily wrong about either approach, just so long as you do it. And keep doing it. And while in many cases the nerves will never go away, you'll get so used to it that it won't be any big deal at all. Even when you do dive in head first, you can still do some things to make it smoother. Such as, as has already been suggested, do a self-worker first. It'll warm you in with something surefire, so your nerves won't mess you up. In my experience, once you're off and running, the nerves go right away.

A few months ago, I did a short run of shows in a variety show at a local bar. Every single night, as I'm waiting in the wings for the emcee to announce me, my nerves were going dancing. My heart got faster and faster, my hands shook more and more...and then he announced "...Bob Lewis," I stepped onto the stage, started doing my thing, and by the time I was half-way through my opener, I wasn't even nervous anymore. I was just doing what I love to do, and sharing my magic with people who were dutifully impressed (and they actually sat through my show patiently and enjoyed it even though I was preceded and followed by burlesque dancers). And then I stepped off stage, and *then* the nerves hit me again for a few minutes. Or not necessarily nerves, but because of the adrenaline building up during the performance, I would get shakier *after* a show than before it. Curiously enough.

The point is, find safe places to do your stuff, but just make sure you do it. Because the more you do it, the easier it gets.

This is great advice that I was given years and years ago as a teenager. It deflects the attention off of you but gives you an opportunity to connect. Everyone has already mentioned it, but in Toastmasters you'll be writing your own speeches which is much like using your own patter. Good luck!

I didn't read all the other posts - too many, but here is my two cents...

What you are describing goes far beyond magic. How old are you? If you're old enough for a job, and don't already have one, get a part time job in retail. Work at the GAP or OLD NAVY, or anywhere that has positions working with the public. Join your local SAM or IBM ring and PARTICIPATE. The people there are fellow magicians who want to see you succeed. It will help you build performance skills in a supportive, yet stranger filled environment. Talk to people all the time. Most of all- remember that the root of the issue is YOU. Making eye contact may be hard at first-but realize these people don't know you...they have no reason to not respect you and they have no preconceived notions about you (except your first impression) When you realize there is NOTHING TO LOSE, it will become much easier. And the last thing is this- be sure any effect you're doing you can do 100% of the time with ease. Knowing that you're not well rehearsed will MAKE YOU NERVOUS, and as a result will make you mess up! Then you know you can do a trick in your sleep you can focus on just your performance and it will be much easier. Step one is done. You realize you have a slight issue with people and you want to change it. Now, try to relax and get some practice interacting with people. People First, Magic second and you will end up being a good performer. Best of luck!

And what if this person is in their 30's, 40's...? But we are all going on the assumption this is a teenager or 20 something.

What if someone has no manners, how do they get that?
What if someone has no work ethics, how do they get that?
What if someone has low self esteem, blah blah...

Yes, this is most definitely far beyond magic. And to offer solutions so cut and dry and so obvious are all really pointless without knowing this person. No social skills - let's see talk to people more and it will be all gone in a month, AHAAA brilliant.
I feel most of you that already perform were probably never shy to begin with that is why performing comes rather easily.

RKLEW64 - You are correct, and I think we've made the ASSUMPTION that it's not THAT extreme, and is more of a confidence issue. You are correct. if it's that deep, cut and dry solutions will do nothing.

Another suggestion - read the book "how to win friends and influence people" May help give you more confidence when having conversations if you actively apply the techniques. (They are not ground breaking, and are standard...but it helps those who know them to have them reinforced, and is VERY valuable to those who don't know them.

I guess the point here isn't social skills,

maybe its how you connect to your audience...

practice performing in front of strangers,
try a trick that you already mastered so you have confidence in peroforming the trick,
keep your eye contact
smile

when approaching
acknowledge
introduce
ask/show

Here me out here because this technique is a little different from the great advice you've already gotten in this discussion. But trust me. I had this problem and to top it off I was deaf. So approaching people was a really scary thing for me. What I'm about to share really can help.

Now, let's separate the two issues. Leave magic out of the picture for a moment. Because confidence and magic aren't the same thing. They are two different issues to address. If you have confidence approaching people and just talking to them. Then your ability to approach people to do magic will become easier.

Go out where there are people. It doesn't matter where it is. It could be a grocery store, a park, walking down a street. Just anyplace there are people.

Now you're goal here will not be to meet and talk to people. You're goal is to make small connections with people. What's a small connection? It can be as simple a thing as making eye contact with someone as you walk by and give them a little head nod. It could be giving someone a smile as you walk by and make eye contact. Or it could be a small comment to a person like "Nice car" or "Beautiful dog".

Now the small connection is when they reply to your gesture. If you nod your head at them and they nod back that's a small connection. If you smile at them and they smile back that's a connection. If you comment on their car or their clothes and they say think you or make some comment back about it. Then that's a connection. You don't have to make any plans to do this. Just do it when ever you're out and see people. Even while driving a car and you nod at the car next to you.

What this is doing is training yourself to not fear people. I know you're probably thinking that it's not a matter of being afraid of people. But the confidence that comes from this exercise is that you'll soon learn that those small connections are usually open doors to larger connections. Comment about someones nice car and they say "Thank you". That's an open door to talk to them. I'm not saying to take up their time if they're in a hurry but to ask a question like "What year is that car?" is a little bigger connection. It becomes a conversation.

If you're nervous about doing this then I have another piece of advice for that. Just fake it. Fake that you're not nervous. Eventually you won't be faking it anymore. It's the old "Fake it till you make it" technique.

This may not seem like it will help with magic but trust me it will. If you're looking to perform magic. Just have all the props you need on you. You know how to do the tricks already so don't worry about that. Just say hello to a "Person". Not magician to spectator. Just person to person. Show them you're a friendly person. Then show them some magic. If they like you then they'll enjoy the magic even more. In fact even today I make a point to meat people at a venue I'm performing before I perform. I often don't even tell them I'm a magician. When my show starts I have some "Friends" there rooting for me so to speak.

Don't give yourself time to think when you're about to perform. You know what magic you can do. So don't worry about that. Just worry about giving people a reason to like YOU. The magic will be so much stronger.

I hope this helps.

Ron Jaxon