Which medical plan was he on?

Scary and chuckle-worthy at the same time, Paula.

OK this joke is on me and I am a magician.
Should make the grade.
I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing...I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't Feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT???!!! What was that?!"


So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a Woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"


Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll Just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.


Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.


Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!" I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell.

LOL...

that's classic abc.

http://www.magictricks.com/jokes.htm

A woman said that a man is like a deck of cards:

You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to beat him, and a spade to bury him.

That one was slightly edited...for those of you who have heard it before .

Slightly off topic, but has anyone seen the Alex Elmsley video set. There are supposed to be four of them, I haven't seen the third one but I've seen the first one twice.



Also

A magician walks into a bar....
The guy behind him ducks.


Sorry I just both of those.

...there were skid marks in front of the frog?

Mean, I know. But comedy is not pretty!

Man1 - "Why did the Magician link those rings and then unlink them at the end?"

Man2 - "I dunno..."

Man1 - "Neither does he..."