Well this afternoon I performed my first Bar-Mitzvah, doing stolling magic and the such. I have done many other adult and children parties before but I did not know what to expect in the scenario. The magic went great but the 13 year old kids where just saying some really obnoxious and inappropriate things. What do you do in a situation like that when the pre-teenagers are just out of line and out of context? Any advice would be great because I am hoping to do a lot more bar/bat mitzvahs.
-SanCho

I do a lot of these. You first have to come to the terrifying understanding that kids of this age know everything except the fact that they don't. They are really just trying to make themselves noticed by their peers.

Advice on how to handle them? I don't want to sound vague, but a lot really depends on your performing persona. I can sometimes get a little edgy with the ones who are out of line, but mostly I find ways to cut them out by playing directly to the ones who are behaving. If the rowdies try to get involved, I sometimes will just say, "Not until you learn how to act." I don't say this like an old lady Sunday school teacher, but with more of an exaggerated tone, like I am mocking that old lady Sunday school teacher. Then I go back to working for the good kids. If the rowdy kid persists, I sometimes will just ask the good kids, "Does he always act like this?" This divide and conquer strategy can really work.

Believe it or not, you can get conditioned responses, just like you're making little Pavlov's dogs out of them. When the ones they are trying to impress respond to the contrary, miracles happen. They quickly realize that when they do the right thing, they get the treat. They aren't stupid, just hormonal, awkward, perhaps a bit under disciplined, and in an environment where the boundaries haven't really been defined.

The main thing is to pull the good kids into your camp before waging war with the others. Don't give the rowdy ones a chance to recruit from the persuadable kids.

Michael Baker is dead on when he says “divide and conquer”. That is what I did at Bar-Mitzvah’s for 30 years as a photographer, it really works. It is even easier as a magician since you have a bit more freedom. Bat Mitzvah's are a bit less problematic.

Bob

One question - Orthodox, Reform, Constructionist or what? Orthodox will get you into deep trouble with the Rabbi as deception is not allowed - unless you are doing the tricks as a "warning - if you see someone doing this, they are trying to trick you and rip you off" kind of thing.

I just did a hypnosis show for such a group, earlier this evening (Saturday evening) and it was a major challenge. No women on stage, can't touch a woman that you are not married to, no magic (so there went my backup material that I use on the odd occasion where the audience refuses to respond) and no mentalism. It went pretty well, but it was a real challenge to get the people to be quiet (wide age range and, because the women weren't allowed to participate, they decided that they could just keep talking - even the Rabbi couldn't get the crowd to be quiet!).

With the kids at a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, Bob and Michael have it right. Also, do your best to keep the kids from following you as they will do so and do their best to discover your "secrets." When they discover how you do something, they will yell it from the roof tops, so vary your material and use methods that are very difficult to figure out, like Raven or Topit.

Humor is a good thing and do your best to be friendly. Treat the kids as though they were adults - respectfully and don't talk down to them - and you will have a better chance to keep them on your side. If you need to break away, remember the retreat to the restroom ploy. Head for the plumbing and move purposefully.

If push comes to shove (and sometimes that will happen literally - they will shove), move to a group of OLDER adults or the group with the Rabbi or the parents of the honoree in it and work them for a few. They will generally not put up with bad behavior.

Just some notes from the trenches.

Lee Darrow, C.H.

Do adults first, then kids. Don't make yourself a "pied piper" They will follow you all day and all night.

I work at Bar Mitzvahs often too (I have performed for Orthodox Jews with great success by the way, as have many magicians in my area. You may be referring to Ultra-Orthodox or Hassidic Jews, I'm not completely sure about their customs). The fact is that, as much as we'd love to perform for the adults more, you were probably hired for the kids. Don't be afraid throw some insult humor (mild) at a kid who's being obnoxious. First of all, he'll know he deserved it; second, the kids who are obnoxious are almost always the kids who are "too cool" and won't go tell their parents...so you really don't lose here. Once again, mild humor perhaps using him/his name in an old "dumb blonde" joke. They probably will have heard the joke already anyway, recognize it as such, and, if done properly, the kid will come onto your side now. Don't insult him too much, of course...use your judgement. This kid often becomes your follower throughout the evening and will now love your magic. This is the experience I've had with Bar Mitzvah hecklers. Very different from normal kidshows. Just...please be careful how you use the insults...

Yeah, thanks for everybody's input thus-far. Next Bar-mitzvah I will have to get a little more strict with how to react to some of these kids. I really appreciate all of your advice.

SanCho14jfm, Congrats on your first Bar Mitzvah!

In addition to "divide and conquer" another ploy is to use some effects which cast a spectator in the roll of the magician where they appear to be the "star". This can also help win over a boisterous audience member. If you can win over the Bar/Bat Mitzvah child, the rest of the audience will often be with you as well. (This can vary somewhat depending where the child falls on the social ladder.)

What other strategies are people using?

- David Schwartz

SanCho14jfm,

Mazel Tov on your first Bar-Mitzvah Show! (that is translated as congratulations here). You could probably apply most of the working with teens advice you can find here to the Bar-Mitzvah group as well. What I find effective is to cut them short and play the jokes on yourself before they do. If I hear a good heckler line that is very funny I will use it the next time but on myself before the audience has a chance.
Having the rest of the crowd work with you is a great tool. I use that in the kids shows to have them "police" themselves and they make sure everyone is following the rules.

Lee Darrow has some good advice. Work your way closer to the adults.

I did a show in an Orthodox Synagogue and before the performance the Rabbi introduced me and reminded the audience what I was going to do was "tricks". Magic is done by the one master magician. (not those words but you get the idea). I would often start my shows at that time by saying: "I'm going to do tricks and magic... The tricks you may figure out... the rest is real magic!" Didn't use that line.

If it goes too far then ask one of the adults there to help you out. Something like: "Excuse me but that child over there just told me to '@*#&$%' myself and I didn't know what it meant. I thought it was something in Hebrew maybe?"

I'm sure you will have fun in the future with it.

- Brian Nadworny