My version of, "Once upon a time". I wanted to write a storyline for a Sponge Ball, Hot Rod, and TT effect. This is my very first storyline patter routine, I usually just do the tricks. Can all of you "pro's" help me out with comments or suggestions about this story? I intend to do it at tables, not stage. And what would make good magic dust - would glitter work? Any feedback would be really appreciated. Thank you all so much... ~MagicAl


Once Upon A Time…

Magic Routine By Al Cain ~MagicAl

This is a story about an ancient, mystical (but awkward) magician named “Hannaniah, Magician to the Queen”. The place, King Arthur’s court. The time, Over a thousand years ago. The story… well, listen carefully and watch…

Once upon a time, there was a young magician named Hannaniah. Hannaniah was an understudy to the Great, Merlin The Magician of King Arthur’s court. Hannaniah was only ten years old – but believed he could be a magician equal to Merlin, himself.
Merlin didn’t think so, but tolerated the boy because he was good at making Gueneviere laugh – and that pleased the king very, very much.

Hannaniah would do small tricks and illusions for the queen such as this one…Tree Card Monte, and Sponge ball to spectators hand. Or this one… Sponge ball to pocket, three in hand. The queen truly enjoyed having Hannaniah around.

King Arthur too, was pleased with Hannaniah’s showmanship. But believed him to me more of an amusement, than a magician. This made Hannaniah sad. “One day”, said Hannaniah, “I will show both the King and the Queen that I am truly as great a magician as Merlin is”! He began practicing more difficult tricks like Changing the stones on a colored stick to different kinds of magnificent jewels. Or, like causing the queens fine silk kerchiefs to disappear, then re-appear!

Still, all of these illusions were mere tricks, not the great and powerful magic like Merlin possessed. One day, thought Hannaniah, I will show them!

Soon the time came. Gueneviere had been put under a powerful spell by an evil sorcerer who was angry with the king. She was turned solid, just like a stone, like a sleeping statue. She was in big trouble, but Hannaniah knew his magic was not powerful enough to be of any help. If only he had some of Merlin’s secret magic dust. The stuff I know he uses, but does not talk about. “That’s it”, he thought. “I’ll borrow some of the special dust and save the Queen”! So that evening, when Merlin was fast asleep, he crept softly and quietly into the chamber of the Great Merlin. Carefully he looked for the container of the special dust and finally, there it was, under an old dusty skull! He only needed a little bit, because this stuff is powerful magic. He poured some of it into his closed fist like this, just a little more, and put the container back down. But as he was about to leave, he looked inside his fist and oh no!, the magic powder had disappeared! He started to go back for more, but Merlin was beginning to awaken – he had to get out of there – fast!

Now what was he going to do!? Sadly, he went into the Queens chamber and knelt beside her. I am a failure, he whispered softly. My magic just isn’t powerful enough to save you. Just then he had an idea. He remembered once in a magic lesson from Merlin where Merlin said the most important magic is that which is within you. You must believe in your own magic, and then it will happen. So Hannaniah closed his eyes and concentrated. He waved his open hands over the Queen, then closed his fist and concentrated. “I believe in my magic, I believe in my magic”, he said softly and just then – he felt something powerful appearing inside his closed hand. He kept his hand in a fist and turned it slowly over the still body of Guinneviere. Out came Merlin’s magic dust. It was working. It really was working! The queen slowly began to change. Her body became flesh again and she began to breathe. As she opened her eyes, she looked at Hannaniah and said softly, Well done Hannaniah, you are now the Queen’s Magician!

Glitter will work, but be careful. You don't want it getting into the food.

A very good job, for a first -- or fifieth -- effort!

For glitter, why use anything? You could point out that it was "Merlin's invisible fairy dust" (which comes from invisible, dusty fairies! <G>).

Or, since your fist remains closed, there is no real need to use anything visible.

Thank you for the encouraging words! I like the idea of invisible dust, it actually helps the imaginary scene in the mind of the spectator. Thank you again! ~MagicAl

Al,
The story sounds good. If you are a good story teller and can keep the kids interest it should go over well. Kids today have shorter attention spans and their minds may start to wander. I would look for ways to involve them in the story as it develops.

The only thing I wouldn't do is call the balls "sponge balls" as I think it might tip something, but, aside from that very small criticism, it's pretty good.

This is a good story! A question...

Who is the audience?

One bit of advice I was given is to make your objective clear at the start and conclusion. Maybe something along the lines of "Real magic is believing in yourself." Make the theme of the story clearer.

Also, the presentation seems long in practice. Nothing wrong with that, that is how all stories start. A good thing to do at this point is to cut it to the bare bones, as short as you can get it. Then once you are there, add back words as needed. The goal to be as concise as possible, making every line count, removing filler. Then see where non-verbal cues such as silence, gestures or touch can be used in place of words or to enhance lines.

One last thing, since you are doing this at tables, what could you do to involve people personally in the story? Could you ask them questions as part of the presentation? Maybe that could lead off the story....turn to one of the people next to you and ask them "Have you ever believed you could do magic?" Look at them, Listen to the answer and smile warmly and respond, scripted. It can even be basically the same response no matter what they say if you design it well. "I love to work with believers." or something like that. Work in moments of personal inclusion of some people to raise the level of intensity and involvement and fun!

Beautiful.......keep up the good work

You have inspired me even in my gospel work to be a better story teller as magician thanks again

As someone who does a fair amount of storytelling magic and who writes a great deal as part of my profession I would suggest the following key points:

1) purpose
2) clarity of purpose
3) consistancy of purpose
4) continuity of purpose
5) summation of purpose


1)Purpose: what are you trying to achieve in your audience with this piece; emotional response (joy, sadness, compassion, etc.), conflict and resolution, philosophical insight, experiential learning, etc.

2)Clarity of purpose: state the goal of the performance in one sentence. Ex. To establish in the audience the joy of overcoming an insurmountable situation using an ambitious card routine. Note the primary goal here is the establishment of joy through triumph the tool is an ambitious card routine, both goals and tools are variable.

3) Consistancy of purpose: Knowing your purpose keep it before you and continually trim away anything that does not contribute to that end. In the least it is irrelevent at the worst it is distracting.

4) Continuity of purpose: Make sure that you keep the purpose of the trick continually before you as the routine moves forward, it may be spoken or unspoken to the audience but to you it must be always present. You know where you are going and should march to it like lemmings to the sea. Each step bringing you closer to fulfillment of your purpose.

5) Summation of purpose: When you arrive at the purpose should be clear to everyone. If you are unsure when you are done of what has been accomplished the audience has no hope. You can state the conclusion with a sentence or a word, you can emote the conclusion modeling the story, you can draw it out of the audience, but the summation must be acknowledgable by you and the audience and they must know they received exactly what you purposed or else it is all simply dumb luck which is never the goal of a professional.

Hogwash. Kids today don't have shorter attention spans, that's just a convenient excuse for poor performers. I have the proof.

Did that offend you? Good. Now figure out why it did...

Great that you are thinking and wondering and writing.

Look into the shift of your story from about one third in... it slows down.

Usually stories build. The ingredient of conflict is present in the tale, yet needs to be shown a few times before it's resolved by the character's faith.

Again, good work, ask some theatrical people about the STORY side. You may wish to remove the stealing from your story. Perhaps Merlin was away while Arthur was on a quest or something while this happened. What happend to the apprentice after the queen woke up? Perhaps a visiting noble woman would be more appropriate for your story?

:)

Good stuff. I'd just clean up the first draft like turn:

Soon the time came. Gueneviere had been put under a powerful spell by an evil sorcerer who was angry with the king. She was turned solid, just like a stone, like a sleeping statue. She was in big trouble, but Hannaniah knew his magic was not powerful enough to be of any help. If only he had some of Merlin’s secret magic dust.


into:

One day an evil sorcerer who was angry with the king put Gueneviere under a powerful spell and turned her into a statue. While Gueneviere was in trouble, Hannaniah knew his magic was not powerful enough to be of any help. If only he had Merlin’s secret magic dust.

Euangelion's tips are excellent.

Be Cool Big Daddy Cool. I think the poster's meaning about "a kids' attention span" was directed more towards story type routines. The story has to keep them captivated. Keep it precise and interesting. If a 300 word story is told using 500 words it may tend to bore a kid. Or, before the story give them a reason to listen by announcing something at the beginning that points to something at the end.

JC

Nice story. One note, you have two introductory paragraphs telling essentially the same thing. You could cut one and get into the rhythm faster.