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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Radio Commercials (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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daffydoug
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Have you noticed that radio commercials have a way of repeating the most idiotic phrases that have ever been said. for ex., "Use only as directed' C'mon! give me a break! Geeese. What do you think I plan on doing with the stuff. Shoving it up my ***??

any that you can think of that particularly irritate the **** out of you everytime you hear them?

And who the **** is that jerk that comes on at the end of most radio commercials and starts talking about two hundred miles a mimute so that you can't really hear or understand the "fine print?' (I'm guessing that is what it is all about. The part that if you really knew what he ws saying, you might think three times about plunking down your money for the product. c'mon, what are they trying to hide from me? I'd like to strangle the **** out of that guy.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Doug Higley
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Doug: You should have to READ that crap at 2 hundred miles a minute!
Actually they are not trying to hide anything (in this case)...it all has to do with ridiculous 'disclosure' laws where everything has to be said if your selling a particular car. Instead of just saying 'Details available at dealership' they have put all this garabge in the ad so people are not 'mislead' to think the price or whatever is available for all cars...or whatever the do-gooders think we need to know to be FULLY informed. Since there is no lable to READ (on the radio) they need to put all their miniscule junk in the ad. Really stupid...but that's our fine politicians and busy bodies at work, taking care of us because they think we are all idiots and they have the solutions. AND LAWYERS looking for any excuse to sue. Screw 'em.

I had to do a Toy TV commercial once where the dopey toy turned around to show the back. I had to say:

"Toy does not actually move on it's own...you must use your imagination."

Just consider the plastic boner:

"Batteries not included...Some assembly required...your mom and dad help you to put it together...some parts shown come in seperate sets...boners do not move on their own or talk, this is a depiction of your imagination...allow 4 to 6 weeks for delivery..not recommended for children...Toy made in China, assembled in Mexico and distributed from Chicago...Boners have been known to cause loss of life in some cases...in the case of pleasure lasting more than 4 hours please see your Doctor immediately. And PLEASE...Use as directed."


Doug
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Michael Baker
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Funny Doug! (either)

My favorite was actually a read on a TV dinner box.

"Serving Suggestion"

"You mean I can take it out of the crappy tray and put it on a plate? Cool!"

I also like "Do Not Eat" on Silica Gel packets.

~michael
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Bill Palmer
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A friend of mine once suggested that Eveready would make a shipload of money if they ever put out an official motorized Eveready Bunny. I told him that they would be open to a lawsuit the first time one of them broke.
"The Swatter"

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My Chickasaw name is "Throws Money at Cups."

www.cupsandballsmuseum.com
daffydoug
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Hey Doug, man I hate to ask, but before my imagination goes into areas where angels would not tread (well, actually, too late, it's allready taken the trip but anyway ..what the hell is a PLASTIC BONER?? Is it a..well, uh, you know...
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Wolfgang
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Doug is right. Lawyers are the reason for all of that nonsensical copy.

When I worked on the Pontiac account years ago, we and many other car manufacturers pushed to say, "Call 1-800-222-2222 for details." But lawyers prevented it, so we had to keep saying all that stuff.

My favorite disclaimer is a car commercial where the passenger keeps her hand outside the window the whole time, moving it up and down through the wind. All you see is this girl with her hand out the window. Then there's this disclaimer at the bottom that says, "Never put hand outside window." Obviously lawyers got hold of that spot after it was shot.
"Sure, I do Scotch and Soda in every show. What? You mean there's a trick by that name?"
daffydoug
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Lawyers..ARRRRGGGGHHHH!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Michael Baker
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Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt.

Your actual mileage may vary.

Caution: Coffee is hot.

I'm going to sue for a disclaimer: They say Cap'n Crunch stays crunchy, even in milk. But, if your two-year-old pours a box of it in the toilet, it pretty much turns into yellow quicksand. They don't tell you that, and I want to know why???

(I can hear the voices beyond the horizon now, "Hey, trick boy! Don't mess with the Cap'n!") Smile

~michael
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ejpresley
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Every single drug (prescription) commerical that has the disclaimer of the side effects. I don't know about you, but I don't want to take something that has worse side effects than the reason I'm taking the stupid pill for in the first place.
Never play poker with a man named Doc...
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2005-05-22 12:24, daffydoug wrote:
Have you noticed that radio commercials have a way of repeating the most idiotic phrases that have ever been said. for ex., "Use only as directed' C'mon! give me a break! Geeese. What do you think I plan on doing with the stuff. Shoving it up my ***??

any that you can think of that particularly irritate the **** out of you everytime you hear them?

And who the **** is that jerk that comes on at the end of most radio commercials and starts talking about two hundred miles a mimute so that you can't really hear or understand the "fine print?' (I'm guessing that is what it is all about. The part that if you really knew what he ws saying, you might think three times about plunking down your money for the product. c'mon, what are they trying to hide from me? I'd like to strangle the **** out of that guy.


This way, if you don't "use it as directed," they're not consider liable.

Same thing with speed-speech guy. And you're right, he's annoying.

How about my microwave popcorn bag that has the warning; "Warning! Contents may be hot!" ~ Well I hope to kiss a duck they're hot! That's what I bought the microwave for!
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2005-05-22 17:56, Wolfgang wrote:
Doug is right. Lawyers are the reason for all of that nonsensical copy.

When I worked on the Pontiac account years ago, we and many other car manufacturers pushed to say, "Call 1-800-222-2222 for details." But lawyers prevented it, so we had to keep saying all that stuff.

My favorite disclaimer is a car commercial where the passenger keeps her hand outside the window the whole time, moving it up and down through the wind. All you see is this girl with her hand out the window. Then there's this disclaimer at the bottom that says, "Never put hand outside window." Obviously lawyers got hold of that spot after it was shot.



I like the one where they're bringing the ashes of "Uncle Floyd" up his favorite mountain trail one last time. As the 4X4 shoots up the off road trail, there's a little disclaimer at the bottom; "Please do not drive this way unless you want to end up like Uncle Floyd!"
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
Cliffg37
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I like the disclaimer for some medicine that states 'Side effects may include death"
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right!
Doug Higley
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I bought an expensive watch once that was supposed to be good in deep water up to a hundred feet...so said the box. It was the Neptune or Diver Dick or some such nonsence...At the time I was doing a lot of free diving (recreation)...any way this watch had all these dials and stuff for setting for Tank time etc. YET...when I read the instructions to set it all, it stated "NOT FOR USE IN SUBMERGED CONDITIONS. Not meant for Diving or use underwater."


Cripes.
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Partizan
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This information is not for you but for the retards of society.
This type of information is to stop people from harm and then legal action for not being told "DO NOT USE IRON ON CLOTHES YOU ARE WEARING!" type things.
"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
- Mark Twain
David Bilan
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"This anti-depressant may cause suicidal thoughts in teenagers." That's one way to cure depression.
Yes, I am a magician. No I did not make my hare (hair) disappear... it just took early retirement.
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2005-06-13 13:09, Partizan wrote:
This information is not for you but for the retards of society.
This type of information is to stop people from harm and then legal action for not being told "DO NOT USE IRON ON CLOTHES YOU ARE WEARING!" type things.


Then there was the guy who tried to sue Yellowstone Park after being mauled by a bear because the signs didn't warn him "stringently enough" about the dangers!

As far as the medical disclaimers, they have to warn you of all the potential side effects, including rare cases of death, but that doesn't mean you're going to have all the side effects or even any of them!
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
Partizan
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Do not juggle knives, you may get cut.
"You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus."
- Mark Twain
ed rhodes
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You know what I miss? There were a couple of guys in New York who did GREAT radio commercials! (One for Time Magazine actually got animated and put on television.)

I remember a couple for "Aztec Suntan Lotion" where one of the characters insisted he was the Aztec Sun God.

(On a bus)
ASG: You may be wondering why I'm wearing this breastplate and feathered helmet.

PASSENGER: Well... it had occurred to me.

ASG: I'm the Aztec Sun God.

PASSENGER: (quietly) This is my stop!

(At a supermarket)
CUSTOMER: Hey! Where's Morty?

ASG: He's in the back with a delivery. You know why I'm standing here stacking these bottles of Aztec Suntan Lotion?

CUSTOMER: Well...

ASG: I'm the Aztec Sun God!

CUSTOMER: The Aztec Sun God in jeans and a pair of Dockers?

ASG: Well, Morty would freak out if I came in wearing a breastplate and a feathered helmet!
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
fccfp
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NJ
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Warning on the side of Preperation H:
"Not intended for oral use"

DUH!

Well, you know why that's there, don't' you?


They got a letter from some one complaining that the product did nothing fo thier ***, but now thier mouth is real small. Smile
A.K.A. Jay The Magician
www.jaythemagician.com
Bill Blagg III
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This one was on the side of a semi I saw today:

Crude Oil - Not for human consumption
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