Unrelated to children's shows in my case, but:

1. You're booked to appear at "The Possum Hollar." When you arrive, the first thing you notice is the peasoup fog of cigarette smoke. (On the plus side, I was more successful with the crowd than Johnny Paycheck had been the weekend before).

2. You are booked to do a frat rush party...at the campus ice rink.

Steve

You know its going to be a bad show when...

1) The parents are heavy smokers in the house. ( I am not allergic to smoke, but the smell is vomiting)

2)The area you are asked to perform accomadates all the kids, and barely enough room for you.

3) You have people walking around all sides

4) Kids yelling I KNOW HOW YOU DO THAT

5) Adults who plea bargain for a lower price.

6) Parents who refuse to pay at all

7) Adult who takes your business card and tears it into pieces

Evan

When they want to book you for a festival and you ask the details and they say it is called, "The Rattlesnack Roundup Festival" (no kidding there is such a thing and yes they did call me. hehehe Time to break out that cut and restored coral snake routine that Penn and Teller used to do hehe

Kyle

You know it's going to be bad when the 4 year guest of honor, in a party dress stands up in the middle of your first trick points her finger at you and shouts out "YOU STINK" for the first time in my life I was unable to talk until the mother came over and told the little girl to sit down and be nice to the magician. I am usually fearless when it comes to hecklers, but not that day.
Al

AL: Oh man I guess I could take "You stink" from most anyone but a little 4 year old girl. hehehe Man I thought they were supposed to be the nice ones? Oh wells, it happens and we keep learning and moving forward ya know.

Kyle

I hate it when people talk and ignore you during your act when you need their help for one part of the show, and when it distracts the other members of the audience. What do you guys say to those people?

Evan

Excuse me, there is a show going on here, or could I have everybody's attention please. I find that fear the magician works for me.
Al

You can also start talking quiet which gets the kids to be quiet so in the end the only person who is loud are the people chatting in the back. They see everyone staring at them and they do get the message without ever having to say a thing.

Kyle

Real (although slightly exaggerated perhaps) events!

...You're booked for a party of 15 kids and when you arrive there are more kids and adults there than at last year's State Fair. As I recall, it was right after this incident that I began contracting by the hour.

...You've finshed balloons for the kids...and suddenly all of the parents are asking for one.

...While you're performing one kid keeps sneaking behind you and getting into your case. The parents think this is "just so cute!"

...You're escorted into the house and notice fat envelopes of cash being deposited on the kitchen counter by the guests (a cultural custom)...right next to a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 caliber revolver (apparently another quaint cultural custom).

...You're hired for a party to be held in the Faculty Club of the University of North Carolina...on the same day as and an hour before kickoff for the hot UNC -NC State rivalry football game held in the stadium half a mile down the road. Everyone was three hours late to that party...and it took me another two hours to get home. The host politely apologized for his oversight. I carry copies of all sports and event calendars in my booking kit now.

...You're hired to entertain at a Duke University Iron Man event deep inside a state park. You arrive early, try to leave and you're told...oh yeah! By the way... the only road in or out is closed for the next two hours due to the foot & bike races...no exceptions. Try explaining THAT to your next client. I billed Duke for the extra two hours...They refused because it wasn't covered by our contract. Oh! I did receive a nicely worded apology. Odd! I'm always booked when they call now.

...You do a bit with a comedy Bang Flag gun and some drunk uncle walks up, says, "Here try this one" and hands you a fully loaded 9mm pistol.

...You're in the dressing room getting ready for your miniscule part in the show when the director rushes in and shouts, "One of the light trees just fell over onto a speaker and shorted out everything! Get out there and do something until we can get replacements!"

...Last but not least...This spoiled little rich kid, 8-year-old, walks up at the beginning of my act and demands...let me emphasize this...DEMANDS to be allowed to examine all of my props because "he refuses to be made a fool of". When I politely refuse and offer to let him assist, he throws a manic tantrum which sets Mummy off...at me. I thought I might be able to salvage the event until the kid shouted, "My mummy bought you for me and you will do as I say!" Mummy's statement? "I did hire you to please my son...please do as he asks." I quietly apologized to the other children present, packed my case, told Mummy to keep my check and...for the first time ever or since...walked out of a party. As I left, Mummy informed me that she would never refer me to her friends. I thanked her profusely. I still wound up performing at parties for over half of the guests present that day.

And even with these little tidbits, I can't imagine a more exciting or incredible way to make a living!

:) Skip

...Oh! I forgot to mention a certain culturally-different gentleman with money literally flowing out of his ears who books the deluxe package for typically rude older kids...basically, your party from hell. He then hands me a check for a fourth of my regular fee and tells me that this is what he honestly feels the performance was worth and he would feel cheated if he had to pay anymore. I politely inform the gentleman to keep the check in a secure location...also recommending said location...until I can arrange a small claims court date. By the time the court date rolls around, the gentleman and his family have returned to his native country.

:) Skip

Man Skip. Take a deep breathe, get something cold to drink and please remind me to stay as far away from NC as I can hehehehehe. Man oh man thanks for the good laughs. That spoiled rich kid brings back some memories of my own.

Kyle

The worst I had was a Halloween party for my company where my son (about 3 or 4 at the time) announced he had to go to the bathroom! (His mother had stepped out with his sister.) A co-worker offered to take him to the men's room and the show continued... until he came running back in without the bottom to his costume! (I should have told the co-worker he leaves bathrooms very quickly once he's done!)

We had a gig at a pary. We had to wait half hour to go on. The teenagers
were so bad the parents were yelling at them before we even started the show.

They were throwing things around. We had to cut the show down to 20 minutes.

The band leader was blaring music during our show. We asked the parents to talk to the music guy to lower the music. They asked him three times and he still was blaring.

We did get a tip. We were out of there so fast we left shoe tracks on the floor.

You know it's going to be a bad show when:

You show up at the YMCA gym with bad acoustics to do a show for 400 youths and they tell you the promised PA system isn't working (and you didn't bring one).

You show up for the bachelor party and there is a XXX video playing on the TV sitting on the bar behind you.

When somebody in the audience has a heart attact and dies just before they introduce you.

I think I've blocked memories of other bad shows, but these stand out.
Jim

I'm sorry, I'm having trouble seeing the “bad” in this situation.

[quote]On 2005-09-15 10:29, Jim Snack wrote:

When somebody in the audience has a heart attact and dies just before they introduce you.

Jim
[/quote

WOW.. I don't think anything can top that..... crazy

It was really weird. I was in the outer room while they were having dinner. All of a sudden paramedics showed up and took the man out. The audience did not know his condition.

When I went on about ten minutes later the first thing I said was that the man had been transfered to the hospital and was "stable." I had no idea of his condition, but had to say something. I only learned a little later that he had died. I guess you can't get much more stable than that.

I hope it never happens again thank you very much!

Jim

At SamCon I was sitting in the front row. Both Michael Ammar and Rocco were performing with Rocco performing after Mr. Ammar. Rocco walked up to me and said, "During the show I want to ask you what you name is, would you say Jim?" I said "Sure!" he had a few lighthearted moments with some of this stuff.

Just before his performance Mr. Ammar came on. At one point he looked out into the audience. He saw me sitting in the front row (I'm hard to miss).

"RIK! RIK BROOKS! I know you, come on up and help me with this, would you? Everybody give a hand for my friend Rik Brooks"

Now understand. I stand 6'4", am heavily muscled, and was wearing a black Stetson hat, a rhinestone cowboy shirt, black jeans, a big silver rodeo buckle, and black severely pointed cowboy boots.

I figgered people might just laugh when I stood up a half hour later and said, "I'm Jim!"

Luckily Rocco must have been watching because he didn't ask.

You know it's going to be a bad show when:
The first thing the contact says to you is not "Hello" but "Thank God you're here!". D.O.A.!

You know it's going to be a bad show when

" The party planner locks you in a room with a hundred kids and asks you to keep the noise down because all the parents are praying in the next room...

You kow it's going to be a bad show..When the only way you can get the adults to shut-up is by blowing an 'air horn'.Yes I do carry and use one if needed.

Also when you arrive at the venue,and the only place for you to possibly set up is in a narrow Hallway.

Rich