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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
The most enjoyable aspect of this for an americam male is to have a wife and every night to help her experience the wonderful "wind beneath the sheets"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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evolve629 Inner circle A stack of 3838 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-08-07 09:13, daffydoug wrote: Please lift the sheets and turn the other side or start in bed.
One hundred percent of the shots you don't take don't go in - Wayne Gretzky
My favorite part is putting the gaffs in the spectators hands...it gives you that warm fuzzy feeling inside! - Bob Kohler |
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Jaz Inner circle NJ, U.S. 6111 Posts |
Just knowing that the person who farted likely tried to hold back and prayed it wouldn't be loud and stinky is funny.
Gotta love those machine gun and flat tire farts. |
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Cuttin muffins, passing wind, gas pains, cutting the cheese..how many names are there for the phenonmenon?
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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Phil Thomas Inner circle Newark, Ohio 1117 Posts |
How about "Shooting The Bunny"? My grandfather used to use that one.
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."
Albert Einstein |
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Chessmann Inner circle 4242 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-08-07 09:13, daffydoug wrote: Dracula, in bat-form, was flying along one night, and farted. He began to sing, "The Wind Beneath My Wings". Sorry.
My ex-cat was named "Muffin". "Vomit" would be a better name for her. AKA "The Evil Ball of Fur".
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Quote:
On 2005-08-08 19:44, Phil Thomas wrote: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Shooting the bunny!!! Posted: Aug 8, 2005 8:55pm An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says,"Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's fart football." A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be out done the wife rips another one and say, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says,"Fieldgoal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure's on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains really hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he soils the bed. The wife looks and says, "What the heck was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides".
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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ed rhodes Inner circle Rhode Island 2885 Posts |
I was waiting for some George Carlin here.
"Farts are funny! Farts are &*#(* without the mess!" and "Y'know, when two people are in an elevator and one of them farts, everybody knows who did it!"
"...and if you're too afraid of goin' astray, you won't go anywhere." - Granny Weatherwax
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Phil Thomas Inner circle Newark, Ohio 1117 Posts |
I used to consider myself to be a smart feller, but due to my dyslexia, I guess I am a fart smeller.
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."
Albert Einstein |
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Slim Price Inner circle 1935 - 2006 1326 Posts |
I figure if God didn't want me to fart he wouldn't have put them so close to my.........!
slim
sanscan@tds.net
"I will never bitter be, as long as I can laugh at me!" "The people who were dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music" |
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Phil Thomas Inner circle Newark, Ohio 1117 Posts |
An old lady was at a Lexus dealership. On the showroom floor was the most beautiful Lexus she had ever seen. She opened the door of the car and bent down to touch the exquisite leather that adorned the seats of the car. As she did so, a rather noisy fart escaped from her. "Perhaps nobody noticed." she thought to herself. But sure enough as she turned around, there was a salesman standing right behind her. She surely hoped he did not hear her passing wind, so she quickly got into the subject of her wanting the car. "Excuse me sir, how much for this lovely Lexus?" To which the salesman replied, "Mam, if just touching the car can make you fart, you are going to s*** when you hear the price!"
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."
Albert Einstein |
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
A burp is really a gust of wind from the heart, but when it turns around and goes down, it's usually called a fart.
(Henry Gibson)
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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mike paris Regular user 179 Posts |
Many years ago in UK ,you had to pay a penny to use the public toilets,and so this rhyme is related to that time..... Here I sit broken hearted, paid a penny and I only farted.( didn,t get his monies worth he he )
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MCM Elite user Minnesota 456 Posts |
I once heard the term "bucksnorted" up here in MN describing the deed.
A joke from "A Prairie Home Companion." A woman goes into a sport-shop to buy a fishing rod. She brings it up to the cashier, who happens to be blind. Once there, she farts. The cashier rings it up, "That will be ten-dollars: Five for the fishing pole, three for the duck-call, and two for the catfish stink-bait." |
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Ha ha ha ha ha !!!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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Phil Thomas Inner circle Newark, Ohio 1117 Posts |
Confucious say "He who farts in church sits alone in pew".
"If we lose the sense of the mysterious, life is no more than a snuffed out candle."
Albert Einstein |
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TCsteinberg New user NewYawk 52 Posts |
Don't forget, you can't spell FART, without ART.
hmmmmmmm????
~ tc ::--.---( )
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Chessmann Inner circle 4242 Posts |
In Dallas, we have Dallas Area Rapid Transit. Also called Dart.
I was talking to a friend about a nearby town called Frisco. I (lying, of course) mentioned that Frisco was going to implement an Area Rapid Transit. He looked at me and smirked, and said, "What are they gonna call it...?"
My ex-cat was named "Muffin". "Vomit" would be a better name for her. AKA "The Evil Ball of Fur".
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daffydoug Eternal Order Look mom! I've got 14077 Posts |
Beans...it's magic beans ..that's what it is. yeah! Magic beans! You eat the beans and the magic happens!
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
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hkwiles Special user Howard Wiles 797 Posts |
Best ever "beans farting clip" in a movie ?...round the camp fire in Blazing Saddles...priceless.
Heres some funnies...click on the "Peurile" clip http://www.atomfilms.com/af/spotlight/series/angrykid2/ Howard |
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