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Payne
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Inner circle
Seattle
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Forget the dowel as it is just an added expense. You've already got a screw driver so use that instead.
The frugal illusionist knows where and when to cut costs.
Also forget the paper mache. If your gig is on the 20th there isn't enough time for the stuff to dry. I'd go with chicken wire and fiber glass. Both items are easily boosted from your local hardware store. Hey, if you have no problems stealing the plans for an illusion you should have no qualms about shoplifting the necessary supplies to build it. It's all the same isn't it?
You should take the skil saw back and exchange it for a sabre saw as this tool will be more useful to make the couple of intricate cuts you need to make. Be sure to save the sales slip as you scan return the saw for a full cash refund after you finish your big illusion project.
The money you get back from your tool return you can use to hire the hooker you'll need as your assitant for this effect. You don't want to use anyone you know or that can be traced back to you in this trick as I'll wager your finished illusion won't be real dependable nor safe and could very well function as an actual impaler.
Be sure to buy a shovel with the left over funds as you'll need it to hide the body.
Have Fun!
"America's Foremost Satirical Magician" -- Jeff McBride.
Bryan Gilles
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Northern California
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LOL....good one Payne!!!
vj022
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Regular user
170 Posts

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Guys,

I need help, I have a large drill bit stuck in my assistant, What do I do now?
EsnRedshirt
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Newark, CA
895 Posts

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Hmm, well, I'm afraid the drill bit is a total loss- unless you want to save it, in which case, your assistant is.

Do not remove the drill bit- it's currently holding pretty much everything in place, and removal will cause a condition known in laymen's circles as "fountains of blood." (While this may be an impressive finale, it's a real mess to clean up, and results in extremely high dry-cleaning bills.)

First, cut the drill bit in half, below the point where it enters the body. This will allow your assistant increased mobility.

Second, check your insurance coverage- do you have any? If so, proceed to the closest emergency room. Otherwise, keep reading.

Third, check with your assistant as to her health care coverage- does she have any? Can she afford the emergency room bill? If so, proceed to the closest emergency room. Otherwise...

You obviously can't remove the drill without making a mess, so here's what you'll need to do: grab the hack saw you used to cut the bit in the first place, and a bottle of crazy glue. Cut the drill bit off as close to the skin as possible on either side of your assistant, then seal the skin to the remaining metal with the crazy glue- it bonds skin instantly, making it ideal for sealing up wounds. Pay your assistant for the show, so she can't harass you anymore, and find a new assistant. Good luck!

(Note: If you prefer to keep the drill bit, position two buckets on either side of your assistant to help catch the blood, then remove the bit. Follow the final step (find a new assistant.))

Disclaimer: I will not be held liable for any bad advice given in the above post which may be followed by misguided and misplaced hope. In the event of a real impalement- get thee to an emergency room. They have very convenient payment plans for these sort of things.
Self-proclaimed Jack-of-all-trades and google expert*.

* = Take any advice from this person with a grain of salt.
JustinDavid
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You guys are freaking hilarious.
Newly renovated and ready to be explored:

www.JustinDavidMagic.com
vj022
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170 Posts

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Ok, I resolved something. I used a jigsaw from both of her hips and got the bit out. Unfortunately, I'm going to need a new assistant for the Impaled. But I have the perfect one for the Thin Model.
CasualSoul
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Edmonton, Canada
542 Posts

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Some very funny stuff guys. I'm so dense, Farrell had me going there for a while.
"Open their mind by performing the impossible"
jimhlou
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Ferrell:

You guys are making fun of a serious request.
The 1/2" wooden dowel should work fine, but be sure to take it to a machine shop with a lathe and have them sharpen the end first.
Face
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MDF is probably the best solution for you Smile
Payne
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Seattle
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Quote:
On 2006-04-10 08:43, vj022 wrote:
Guys,

I need help, I have a large drill bit stuck in my assistant, What do I do now?


Rename her Chuck
"America's Foremost Satirical Magician" -- Jeff McBride.
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