These days, with cellular phones, everyone seems to have an answering machine (in our part of the world, answering machines weren't that big of a hit before cell phones) and it has become a big hit to have an unconventional message to catch the caller off guard. Here's some cool messages from myself, friends and coworkers...

"Hello? (pause) What? (pause) What? (pause) Who? (pause) I am sorry I cant hear you at all" *beep*

"Hello, I am a bit busy here could you wait a bit? (long pause)" *beep*

"(guns firing, explosions, yelling) What!!!??? Not now, cant you hear I am at a sale!" *beep*

"Wait a minute! (pause) Ok, now I can talk; who's calling? (long pause) Haha! Gotcha! Its the machine, you know what to do!" *beep*

"Leave a message. *beep* (loong pause) Now who are you talking to? Wait for the beep, silly!" *beep*

"You have called the ministry of agriculture. All our lines are busy at the moment. If you need agricultural information press one. If you need to make a complaint, press two. If you need to leave a message to Riku, wait for the beep" *beep*

"Hello, this is Jaana's refrigirator. The answering machine is on a vacation but if you slowly dictate your message I will write it down and attch it to the door with a magnet" *beep* (my friend got this from Reader's Digest actually)

"(sexy female voice) Thank you for calling adult entertainment incorporated. Service charge is 3,95 per second. (switches to normal voice) But if you wanna save some money, leave a message to Elina after the beep" *beep*


Any others?

Mine says, "Hi, this is Rick, only if it's important leave a message."

On mine, I used to have, "Me no here. Me go bye. Leave me message. Me reply."

Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

When I was in college, one of my roommates left the following message on our machine:

"Hi, we're not home right now so if you are planning on robbing us..... now's a great time."

Bob

PS We actually WERE burglarized over Thanksgiving break that year...

The first one is very similar to my last work message

"Hello...hold on...thats better, how can I help?.....hold on again.....glad that's over...sorry who did you say you were?....oh sorry I forgot, I'm not here, leave a message"

As nice and funny as these messages can be I actually reprimanded an employee for using a "silly" message. We were bankers working with a lot of big corporates and he had some silly Simpsons message that you could download onto your phone from the service provider. Not applicable to my clients though and we had some rough words.
Funny story though - when messages on Cell phones just came out my grandmother phoned me and when my phone went over to voicemail she started talking like I was speaking to her not realizing it was a message. Old folks!! Later when I told her she was embarrassed a little and promised not to get caught out agian. She phoned me a few weeks later and since I recognized the number I messed with her and answered the phone like I was an answering machine. This is a rough version of the conversation.
Hi, this is an answering machine but with new technology I can relay messages to the owner of the phone immediately. If you would like me to do this say yes now.
Yes
OK thank you. If you are Gerhard's grandmother say yes now
Yes.
OK if you are his grandmother on his mother's side say yes now.
(no answer)
SAY YES
Yes
So you are his grandmother on his mother's side.
No
No or yes
Yes
Yes to what?
I didn't say yes you**** machine.
I am not a machine I am Gerhard.
I hate these new machine things......click.
I almost wet myself laughing and had to wait about 10 minutes before phoning her back.

The worst one I ever heard was great for phone salespeople (which is what I was at the time) it was spoken in a voice filled with rage.

"---- YOU! I don't want to talk to you! If I wanted to talk to you I'd have answered my phone! Leave me a message and I might call you back!"

I wonder how many messages he got?

My old message, impersonating Jimmy Stewart:

(btw, this is spoken very slowly...)

"Hello, friend, this is Jimmy Stewart. I'm taking messages for the Hall's. They're not here right now....but if you leave your name and number they'll get back to you as soon as they can.

"Be sure you wait for the....uh....uh....the....oh, uh...." (Beep sounds)

I know this irritated at least one person, who said so in the message she left!

Another, from the late 80's:

"Say there, fool, this is Mr. T. I pity the fool who don't leave no message. Grrrrrr!"

"This answering machine message is for all you psychics out there... (Long silence...)"

I love this one! but I personaly have something that goes along the lines of : "MUWAHAHAHAHAHA NO MORE MISSED CALLS" (i just hate it, people leaving a missed call - ringing once and hanging up - out of credits or short on credits or just stingy!!)

I once had one from a computer game actually. (Monty Python's Complete Waste of Time)

went something like this "You have reached the Monty Python Silly Voices Preservation Society. If you have a silly voice, you may make your donation after the beep."

While we are on the subject of phone sillyness, when I was young I used to make a rather amusing prank call, it went something along these lines(no pun intended).

"Hello ma'am, Im Bob from the telephone company, in a few moments your phone will ring, please don't answer it or our technicial will get an electric shock."

hang up...ring ring...ring ring...ring ring

"arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

The amount of people who used to scream back, or apologise profusely was amazing