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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Living Old & Being Thankful (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

Marshall Thornside
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2016 Posts

Profile of Marshall Thornside
you will remember my name

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Chessmann
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My situation was not so serious as yours. I spent the 4 years watching mom go downhill mentally and emotionally. It started when my father passed, and then a major surgery that had her in ICU for a month-and-a-half. For the next 4 years, living alone in her house, isolated, she began having hallucinations which were made worse due to her short-term memory loss. I had to do her shopping, Dr. appointments, etc....

She finally agreed that assisted living was what she needed, and while she misses her independence, she has not hallucinated one time.

This is a long way of saying that I agree, that *much* depends on the situation. Your father must have been a good father, too.

Many people who have aging parent issues give up on them because they don't know how to handle their own feelings. When my mom was in rehab, the caregivers would thank me for visiting my mom every day. They wanted me to know that there are quite a few people who cannot deal with it. It then becomes much easier for the parent(s) to give up - which makes them go downhill faster.

There should be a required course for adults whose parents begin to have these issues. For some adult children, just being able to talk about it with someone would make a big difference.

This whole experience was a tremendous education for me. I went from never wanting to set foot is "one of those places" (assisted/nursing care) to enjoying being there.

Frances, it sounds like your family was a real family. There are families out there that are more or less a group of people living together. I really feel like only in the last couple of years is my own family (mom and brother and I) really becoming a family.

I hope that makes sense. In a real family, people are more likely to embrace a role such as you and your mom embraced, rather than finding an easy way out.

I went to visit my mom the other day, and she was standing next to a new friend whom I had not met before. My mom said, "This is my son." The woman looked at me and said, very loudly, "My GOD!!! If I were only 30 years younger!" Made my day, and was another reminder that 'they are just like me, except older'.
My ex-cat was named "Muffin". "Vomit" would be a better name for her. AKA "The Evil Ball of Fur".
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