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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Penny for your thoughts » » Dark Mind Game (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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entity
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Spektor: In what capacity do you consult?

- entity
Celloboy
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Amazing. I loved it. my girlfriend went mental over the spelling tho (i can't spell, she can...) lol.
Great stuff. here is to you wining!
Pete
Scott Xavier
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I didn't even knoticer the spelling. BUT, I agree with the doc above, you really want to watch it otherwise you wont. I started it 3 times and finally watched all the way through. And I like yah jim, imagine what someone who has no like or attention will do. More shock or simpsonesque entertainment...
Dr Spektor
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Entity: Numerous things - mostly addiction and mental health realism, sometimes psychological / psychodynamic issues for characters, realistic plot complications, issues on gambling, special populations etc. I do script reviews, train actors and consult with directors and writers. Picked up a bunch of general narrative pointers along the way. Did this for a variety of film, TV and live action plays. I also do simulation and game design so I'm often working with emotional hooks and psychological buy-in techniques. So, I've done action, drama, horror, etc. themed consultation. Its a lot of fun!
"They are lean and athirst!!!!"
entity
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Could have used your insight on a recent project for which I acted as Magic Consultant. It (the play) involved a young lady on suicide watch.

Pm me your info so I have it on file if the situation arises again.

- entity
Tom Jorgenson
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Ya know, with a bit of a mustache and a 40's suit, you could be doing an Annemann show. Dead ringer, so to speak.
We dance an invisible dance to music they cannot hear.
Jim-Callahan
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Doc,

I agree with most of what you wrote.
Unfortunately the submission can only be five minutes long.

I like your suggestion for the ending.
But I also like to jump out and scare people.

I decided to use text screens to establish the situation, basic story and rules quickly.
Just could not figure how do build a character and deconstruct him in so short a time.
The spelling has been fixed and the dialog edited.

My thinking was that with the interactivity it would engage and the strangeness would be interesting.
I personaly do not like working in a five minute format.
Fifteen would have been great.

I have added something else.
Since the beginning is a bit strange I think it will hold people they have been asked to do something.
and should be content to wait a bit.

Now after Jack goes down the steps they are then informed via text overlay
"That it is time to play the game"

I hope that this will create the impression that the game is now starting at that point and hopefully will negate the last minute and a half.
In a way it is like the starting over thing from my DVD were people edit out the time you wish them to delete from their memory.

However I have no idea if this works with this type of presentation.
It is rendering out now so we shall see.

Funny thing is I looked at the other submissions thus far and thought they went to fast.
The edits to quick the shots not long enough to convey the atmosphere of the surroundings.
Not enough atmosphere.
that's why I went for the Nior feel.

Parts of the clip are time stretched to give it a not quite real feel.
(This is most noticeable on the step decent).

However I can now see were some may think it needs to be quicker.
Hopefully the second start business may take care of that.

The problem with some of you not being able to see the cards is mostly because of the size and frame rate etc. of the clip on YouTube and should not be a problem on the Fox site or when viewed on a television monitor.

I am going to pull down the YouTube clip in about an hour and will post the new edited clip later today.

Once again thank you all for your help and suggestions.
This has helped me greatly thus far.

Jim

PS. DJM I liked your post found it quite funny and clever.
“I can make Satan’s devils dance like fine gentlemen across the stage of reality”.
DJM
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Thanks Jim, I try my best.
Virungan
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Hi Jim,

Nice work in terms of camera-work, lighting and sound. As I edit professionally, I do have to agree with the Doc above- you need some judicious edits- too much lead time and vocal repetition.

It's a tough thing to do- we always say the best way to edit is to have the director cut it down to the version that he/she likes the best and then have someone else cut that in half.

Sometimes as a creator its hard to butcher your baby and there are small nuances that you appreciate- but your audience won't.

It's a really good strong concept, but as an editor I'd slice this down to about two and half good minutes. If your runtime needs to be that length, try and introduce some narrative elements as Dr.Spektor suggested, add in some character elements- possibly a V/O flashback?

The titling is also a little overdone- maybe try and summarize that message into one fade through.

All this is meant to be constructive- as someone who works in both mentalism and multimedia its great to see someone experimenting with combining the two in an original way.

Best of luck!

V
Smile When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth...Smile
Jim-Callahan
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Ok I have stopped the render and will take a knife to the thing.

Thanks again see ya'll in a few hours.

Jim
“I can make Satan’s devils dance like fine gentlemen across the stage of reality”.
Jim-Callahan
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Thank you all again for taking the time to offer suggestions and to offer comment.

One minute has been edited out of the five minute clip.
(I could pull another 7 seconds but it may be OK now)
Two screens of titling were taken out and what was left was edited down even further.

The spelling was fixed.

I will post a new link tomorrow and will once again say thanks.

-Jim

Posted: Feb 13, 2007 12:10pm
Ok here is the edited vertion described one post up.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yLbIV9IFUNg

Thanks,

Jim
“I can make Satan’s devils dance like fine gentlemen across the stage of reality”.
DJM
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I don't know, I really dig the camera shots, but I feel like there's too much talk there, mostly the stuff that is repeated a few times. The viewer usually doesn't like to be told everything, but to understand it himself. Explaning everything we see in the video feels like something that is made for children. Sometimes keeping things simple is the best. Other than that, the video is pretty cool. Though I'd still change the scream at the end if I were you..

Only my opinion of course.
Eman
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Jim-
I liked the video. I really liked that my card was removed. That's pretty nifty! The patter was good, but I didn't like that scream. There was something about it that didn't seem fitting for the video.
coupcoupdaddy
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Good editing. Second time round I appreciate the turning of the coffeecup. Then the martini glass shot and the dropping of the cards are very pleasing.

I really appreciate how you share honing work in progress, Jim.

I would trust Eman and others on the scream even though it haunted me. To be fair, I was invited to start a primal scream therapy center in my youth and I am biased.

Tom
foreign correspondent, z and lt



inner being worker
Jim-Callahan
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Tom,

Thanks for noticing the bits I personally liked.

With a project like this it helps allot to have a group of educated eyes and minds looking at it.
(Especially with having to get it done so quickly).
It really has helped me tremendously.

I am editing the end again with the scream so that it completes the circle back to Jack in a stronger way.
Personally I just like to scare people and make them jump.
(Still have a good deal of 10 year old boy in me)
However I do see were it was jarringly out of context.
So that is what I decided to fix.
Keep the scare just make it fit better.

Also I think it was a good thing to pull some of the dialog out.
(Even though it is to be an internal dialog).

It is a bit strange using mentalism in such a way and I really think it would work better as a longer piece were the viewer could be made to care for the main character.
(Not unlike a twilight Zone episode).
Before the final bit of mind reading fun or even possibly the viewer would experience the dream more than once in the episode with different outcomes.
(Possibly I will use that in a longer work someday)

Anyway I would like to once again publicly thank those who offered their knowledge and opinions.
You helped me make this thing better than it would have been.

-Jim
“I can make Satan’s devils dance like fine gentlemen across the stage of reality”.
John Nesbit
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Great work Jim.
Jim-Callahan
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Thanks John glad you liked it.

Here is the link for those not reading from the start.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=yLbIV9IFUNg


-Jim
“I can make Satan’s devils dance like fine gentlemen across the stage of reality”.
entity
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On the second screen, last line, you say: "He recalled playing a game against the Devil and himself". That is incorrect grammar. It should possibly read: "He recalled playing a game against the Devil".

- entity
Jim-Callahan
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Thanks,

"E" I have been going around about that for a couple of days.

-Jim
“I can make Satan’s devils dance like fine gentlemen across the stage of reality”.
entity
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I'd suggest: "He recalled a game of chance, with the Devil himself as his opponent."

- entity
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