The Magic Café
Username:
Password:
[ Lost Password ]
  [ Forgot Username ]
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Top 12 Signs you hired the wrong clown... (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

 Go to page 1~2 [Next]
Lyndel
View Profile
Inner circle
wrote the theme to the TV show COPS!
1623 Posts

Profile of Lyndel
12. By the end of the party, he's got every kid doing the "pull my finger" trick.

11. Clown car must be started with breathalizer device.

10. Scares the kids during the "Severed Limb" trick and his prosthetic arm.

9. Tells the kids he killed Barney in a death match in New Jersey.

8. Didn't bring any balloons, but manages to twist your dachshund into other animal shapes.

7. Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint."

6. Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.

5. Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since January!"

4. More interested in squirting seltzer into his Scotch than any where else.

3. A sad clown is one thing -- a clown who spends the entire party with a gun to his temple is another thing entirely.

2. Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."

and the Number 1 Sign You've Hired the Wrong Clown for Your Child's Party...

1. All the balloon animals seem to be ribbed and lubricated.



Lyndel
Image
Sekhmet
View Profile
New user
Nacogdoches, TX
54 Posts

Profile of Sekhmet
HAHAHAHA!

Lovely.
There are none so blind as those who will not see.
Loual4
View Profile
Special user
Montreal, Canada
670 Posts

Profile of Loual4
The scary part is that I used to know a clown that "fitted well" with descriptions 11 and 4....

Louis Jutras
Cinnamon
View Profile
Loyal user
Philippines
227 Posts

Profile of Cinnamon
Ribbed and lubricated? ahaahah
Josh the Superfluous
View Profile
Inner circle
The man of
1882 Posts

Profile of Josh the Superfluous
Refers to the parents as "the future plaintiffs".

A long chain of handkerchiefs, pulled from his breast pocket, ends with boxer shorts. He puts them back on.

His "dirty hand" gag towel, looks the same on both sides.

Shows up with one suitcase, leaves with three.
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
gsidhe
View Profile
Inner circle
Michigan
1726 Posts

Profile of gsidhe
The best way to tell if you have hired the wrong clown?

I show up.

Gwyd
Josh the Superfluous
View Profile
Inner circle
The man of
1882 Posts

Profile of Josh the Superfluous
"Violent J" and "Shaggy 2 Dope" show up.
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
nucinud
View Profile
Inner circle
New York, New York
1297 Posts

Profile of nucinud
Great stuff!
"We are what we pretend to be" Kurt Vonnegut, jr.



Now U C It Now U Don't

Harry Mandel

www.mandelmagic.com
rossmacrae
View Profile
Inner circle
Arlington, Virginia
2432 Posts

Profile of rossmacrae
Big ol' "Harley Davidson" emblem on the back of his clown suit.

Announces that now it's time for "Cookies & Jack Daniels."

"Cookies" turns out to be the name of his ex-stripper assistant.

Keeps screaming, "My name's not BO-zo, it's bo-ZEAUX!"

Props for his "disappearing" trick: a moving van and your wide-screen TV.

He only does his "Handcuff Escape Trick" for the police.

Price list includes "lap dance" and "around the world."

Charges the kids five bucks to see "The Multiplying Rabbits."

Can't go too far into the bleachers because of his electronic ankle bracelet.

His catchprase: "Hey kids, what time is it? … And where am I?"
Leland Stone
View Profile
Inner circle
1204 Posts

Profile of Leland Stone
Only a response from Gazzo will do: "You're a VERY RUDE MAN, sir...!" Smile
Chessmann
View Profile
Inner circle
3987 Posts

Profile of Chessmann
Closes his show with Goshman's Ding Dong.
My ex-cat was named "Muffin". "Vomit" would be a better name for her. AKA "The Evil Ball of Fur".
Micheal Leath
View Profile
Inner circle
1043 Posts

Profile of Micheal Leath
Quote:
On 2007-03-19 21:59, Chessmann wrote:
Closes his show with Goshman's Ding Dong.


Instead of being made out of sponge, it's made of silicone.
Andy the cardician
View Profile
Inner circle
A street named after my dad
3370 Posts

Profile of Andy the cardician
The red nose is for real
Cards never lie
landmark
View Profile
Inner circle
within a triangle
4823 Posts

Profile of landmark
. . . and then the other cannibal says, "does this clown taste funny to you?" . . .
Bill Nuvo
View Profile
Inner circle
3094 Posts or
2747 Posts

Profile of Bill Nuvo
Great pick up lines from a clown (excerpts from my old comdey act)

It's true what they say about the size of feet and Yes my feet really are that big!

I carry around plenty of protection! (pulls out a handful of balloons)

I love honkers!

The rest I can't put up because they would violate the rules.
Marvello
View Profile
Inner circle
It's amazing how little I can say in
1490 Posts

Profile of Marvello
One of my favorite songs from the Dr. Demento show...

"Kinko the Kid Loving Clown"
by Ogden Edsel

Kinko, Kinko, the kid-loving clown
if the kids just love me back I'll never wear a frown
Kinko, Kinko, the kid loving clown
if the kids just love me back I'll never wear a frown!!!

Kinko's in his Kinko car, pockets full of change
lots of dirty pictures and sticky candy canes.
All the kids love Kinko for the presents that they get
silly leather clothes to wear and happy cigaretts.

-Hi boys and girls, my name is Kinko the clown!!!
-Hi Kinko!!!
-And I really love you boys and girls!!!
Really, really....
-Awwww
-But my legs get tired standing out in the parking lot handing out
stale tootsie rolls to you rugrats, so if anyone wants to come back
to Kinko's trailer and massage his legs, he'd really really like it.
Really, really.....

Kinko, Kinko, the kid-loving clown
if the kids just love me back I'll never wear a frown
Kinko, Kinko, the kid loving clown
if the kids just love me back I'll never wear a frown!!!

We go to Kinkos clubhouse, sometimes after school
we play in Kinkos crawl space, there's never any room
We have to sit on Kinkos lap there's never any chairs
Kinko likes to tickle us and give us funny stares.

-Gee I haven't had this much fun since Christmas when I got
to play Santa Clause and all the boys and girls got to sit on Kinko's lap-
-Mommy mommy! Kinko hurt me!-
-But that was in Indianapolis and thanks to the liberal reciprocity laws here
Kinko can be with you boys and girls today or anytime.

Jimmy Johnson ran away and didn't say goodbuy
Kinko went to look for him to help the FBI
But Kinko has some handcuffs on his eyes were full of tears
said "I'll be back to play with you sometime in 20 years!"

Kinko, Kinko, the kid-loving clown
the parents wanna beat me up and run me outa town!
Kinko, Kinko, the kid-loving clown
tar and feather Kinko and run him out of town!

-Bye boy's and girls!!!!
-Bye Kinko! See you at the turn of the century!
-Kinko really love you boys and girls!!
Really, really....
Never criticize someone else until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away from them and you will have their shoes.
Josh the Superfluous
View Profile
Inner circle
The man of
1882 Posts

Profile of Josh the Superfluous
Uses the "Stand over here.....on the trapdoor" line, then mutters "I wish".

The twist balloons burst in to balls of fire when they get too close to the cake.

He offers to waive the fee, if he can spend the night.
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
Bill Nuvo
View Profile
Inner circle
3094 Posts or
2747 Posts

Profile of Bill Nuvo
Quote:
On 2007-03-20 12:12, Josh the Superfluous wrote:
He offers to waive the fee, if he can spend the night.


I actually had to get rid of one clown that worked for me because he did this!
dpe666
View Profile
Inner circle
2894 Posts

Profile of dpe666
His name is "Gacy the Clown". Smile
rossmacrae
View Profile
Inner circle
Arlington, Virginia
2432 Posts

Profile of rossmacrae
Quote:
On 2007-03-20 19:21, dpe666 wrote:
His name is "Gacy the Clown". Smile

EEEEwwwww!

I mean, well, YEAH, but ... eeeeewwww!
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Top 12 Signs you hired the wrong clown... (0 Likes)
 Go to page 1~2 [Next]
[ Top of Page ]
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2020 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved.
This page was created in 0.15 seconds requiring 5 database queries.
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café
are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic.
> Privacy Statement <

ROTFL Billions and billions served! ROTFL