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Profile of silentsoulriot
I'm almost 15, and I really feel that if I don't start being successful soon...It won't ever work for me.
Me, I'm Bi-polar, and having a really hard time dealing with it. One day I want to be a magician, and then next...I feel like there is no point in life, and I should just sit in my room and wallow forever.

Sometimes I don't know if there really is a destiny for me, because I'm always so confused, not knowing which direction to go in.

I've always had a love for magic. I saw David Copperfield live when I was 8, and ever since then, I've always had a special place in my heart for magic.
I never really got into it until this summer.

I'm getting to my point, I swear...

Anyway, I know very few magic tricks. And there really isn't a way for me to learn and practice. I don't know anyone in person who does magic, and my parents really don't understand why I like it so much.

My question is, (and please be honest. I can take anything. I just want to know your opinion)
What do you think? Should I keep trying, and follow my dreams...
Or, be a horse trainer and competitive rider, my mom's dreams.
Or be a musician, both my father's dreams, and somewhat mine.

Don't get me wrong, I love horses. My horse means the world to me, and I'm constantly being told that I am an amazing rider. But - I just have this feeling inside that riding isn't for me...
And when I watch magic, or am sitting in my room trying to make up cool illusions...
I have this awesome feeling inside. I'm always wishing that I could do that.
But, of course another day will come around, and I will have a bi-polar moment, and I will feel like going for my dreams is for one in a million.

Maybe I'm just the kind of person who always wants what I can't have. I dunno.

I don't even know the point of posting this anymore. Haha.
Oh well.

Thanks in advance to those who actually read my crazy rambling on,
And I apologize to those of you who just think I'm an annoying, waste of time.

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Inner circle
NJ, U.S.
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Profile of Jaz
Welcome to the Café Riot.

Life is a big place. Most people at 15 are still exploring the many, many possibilities life has to offer.

Many who study magic for the love of it don't necessarily become professional, full time magicians. Some remain hobbyists, some perform part time, some become collectors and so forth. For many, the joys of life and magic aren't at any destination, but found throughout the journey.

There are many resources for learning magic. Libraries, book stores, on the web.
I first learned from books and later watched some videos to get an idea of what it should look like.
Now that you've joined the Café you will get to know some magicians.

I'll be honest. Smile No one but you can choose what is really best for you. It sounds like you have a love and talents in riding and for music. Stay with these and dabble in some magic to see where it takes you.

Go for those dreams and goals, just keep in mind that they do tend to change during the wonderful trip through life.

Best to ya,
Big Daddy Cool
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Dare to Dream.
Swing hard, swing often, and we'll catch ya on the Flip-Side!
John Pyka
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Profile of Margarette
As one who used to be a 15 year old teenager and am currently the mother of a 15 year old, I can tell you that 15 is a very confusing age. You are at that point where you know you should start growing up and decide what you want to do, but part of you wants to cling to your childhood. My son is wanting me to tell him whether or not he should join the military out of high school or should he go to college. That is not a decision I can make for him. He has flip-flopped many times over the past few months about what he wants to study if he goes the college route....and what branch of the military should he go that route. Don't think that because you don't have your life all mapped out that you are destined for failure. Remember when Edison was figuring out the light bulb...he didn't fail numerous times....he found numerous ways that it wouldn't work! Keep hold of your dreams. Right now, my dreams are what's keeping me sane!

The only stupid question is the one not asked.
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Profile of JRob
I have battled being bi-polar myself. You just have to push yourself that much harder. As I have shared before (possibly too far back and in another section of the forum for you to have caught) I actually burned out. Bi-polars are susceptible to this because we often make the mistake of trying to prove ourselves by going it alone. Put together a group to be supportive and encouraging. By that I don't mean people who will turn a blind eye to flaws, but will set you in a direction to correct them. You might become the next great one, or not. It is important to push on, especially when you begin to wonder if it's worth the effort. Trust me, it is.
"Jim Roberts, AKA: Professor Jay Rob "<br>
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Profile of silentsoulriot
Well, the thing about me is that I have many failures....and very few sucesses.
I'm currently dropped out of school. I never finished 7th grade, and I dropped out of 8th grade after being suspended twice.
I feel like I'm constantly being beat into the ground. I've never been able to accomplish anything.
I've become so afraid of failure and rejection, I don't even have a social life.

I do wonder if its worth the effort, many times. But it sometimes seems there are more cons than pros.
The person who diagnosed me told me that he's surprised I have been strong enough to not get involved in drugs *cough cough* or have committed suicide.
But when I think about it...I just think he's full of ******** and is trying to make me feel better about myself.

Ugh I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore!

I just...want to perform magic so bad...but I feel like I will never be able to learn.
Father Photius
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Well I don't who diagnosed you, or all that was communicated by them to you. The little blurb you gave is probably taken out of context. But if you are truly bi-polar you are going to continue to have problems like you are voicing unless you get on competent treatment and stay on it. You should be seeing a psychiatrist, not a psychologist. Psychologist can assist by therapy to deal with associated learned behaviors, but bi-polar disorder is a brain chemisty disorder that needs medical treatment as well. So I hope you are seeing a psychiatrist for treatment. Once you get medical control of your bi-polar disorder, then some behavioral type therapy will help you relearn how to deal with a lot things in life you have learned to deal with under the influence of your disorder.
As several stated above being 15 is a tough time in life with a lot of confusion. I don't think you have to make up ur mind at this point as to what your life work will be. You are still at an age where you can pursue multiple interests until you find the one that is truly interests you.
What ever course you take, you need to be in school. Lack of an education is going to greatly restrict your success in any area. If you are still having problems in staying in school and functioning in school that is something you need to bring to the attention of your doctor and seek treatment for. Medications need to be adjusted, and more specific behavioral therapy may be needed.
Magic can be frustrating. It isn't easy to learn. It takes time and patience, something a bi-polar in a manic episode isn't going to be comfortable with. The frustration of learning some moves and the frustration of dealing with performance issues is something a bi-polar in a depressive mode is going to have great difficulty with. But you will find that taking up those issues with your therapist and doctor can help them help you.
Do magic to enjoy it. If you can't enjoy it, you will never be happy doing it professionally. You can learn, most anyone can, but remember it will take a lot of time and patience to learn it.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
the AuditOrr
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Hi Riot,

I'm a nineteen year old amateur magician. I'm currently in university - second year. I plan to eventually become a financial advisor.

It's completely normal to have no clue what the heck is going on in your life right now. Most people who actually go into university have some generic ideas of what they might want to be but usually end up in a place far from where they thought they would be. Right now I'm studying commerce to become a financial advisor. A while ago though I was going to be a full-time magician, before that I was going to become an actor, before that I was going to be... it goes on and on. And these ideas have been going over in my mind even in the last year. I still want to be a magician. I always will be a magician. Magic is important to me and so I feel that I will never actually put it truly aside. I've had to sacrifice a lot of time to study for different classes, however I've still had my Bill Malone poster up on my wall in front of me to keep me inspired as I flip that text book page by page.

You will have to decide where to go, but your choice does not need to be made now. And the opinions of others on this site should not influence you on your career path. What you can take from their suggestions is education. Jaz and Photius both shared that an education (whether that be education in magic or in general) is needed. My suggestion to education is that you finish your schooling. Photius was right saying that without an education your success in any area will be restricted. Almost everything works that way. If you get a job somewhere, no matter where, one of the questions written on the application is: when did you graduate high school? Another one is: What post-secondary experience do you have? I feel naked writing in these "2006" and "one year of university." And these are applications for beginner positions in restaurants just for a summer job. School or education is required for every single position and having the experiences that you get from education open up MANY doors to you.

I may never choose to follow a career where this education is truly needed but I will ALWAYS have the option because of two pieces of paper that I earned that say that I have graduated from high school and university.

You can do it! It's not really that hard. And the experiences that you will have will be so rewarding. Look at where you are and what you want to be. Look at where you can go with it. Then do it. If magic is your dream then pursue it. As Big Daddy Cool said: Dare to Dream. I respond with a line by Albus Dumbledore Smile "It does not due to dwell on dreams and forget to live." So live those dreams in ways that are possible. And always make the choices that will motivate you, inspire you and make you happy.

I want to go far...
Tina I
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Hello Riot,

I too got interested in magic when I was a kid. My first magic book was a Mickey Mouse thing and I drove my entire family nuts with my hopeless performances of tricks I couldn't do. But the interest never left me and as I grew older I got better. But then I kinda lost interest for a few years. School, boys and teenage problems took over I guess. But every now and then I would practice a little, do a performance or two for friends and family.

I never went professional though although it was a childhood dream. Anyway, now I'm 40 and still a happy amateur. And ever since my first experience with magic my 'drive' have been somewhat up and down but that's the beauty of being an amateur. Right now I'm on an 'up' and has been there for a while but if I strike a 'down' again I can think about the pros that *has* to spend a few hundred hours working on their new routine while I go out having fun. But hush: that's the amateur's secret Smile

My point? You're 15, you have plenty of time trying stuff out. And choosing, say horses, does not mean you can not also be a magician.

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Profile of Nell
First off, I'm 23 and I still don't know where life will take me. Currently, it's about to take me to Germany for a year as an au pair (a nanny of sorts). I graduated from high school, with honors, and recently university, cum laude. Education was, and still is, very important to me.

You are 15, so don't limit yourself to deciding the rest of your life now...trust me, everything will change in a few years. If the 3 interests you listed are your 3 passions, why pick only one? It seems that you can successfully continue all 3 of those activities, as careers even.

I have a theater design degree, am a magician, work seasonally for Disney, and would love to work in world culture/tourism (teaching languages, working for an educational tourism company, or travel journalism)--though my dream is magic. I feel that there is a time and place for all of my dreams in my life. It will not be easy and I'll have to work hard to experience it all, but I'm certain that where there's a will to do something, there's a way to accomplish it. We only live once and I'm not about to let the doldrums of life or society get the best of me.

Life is not easy, and it seems to get harder everyday, but you must know what is important to you. Most people have more failed attempts at things than successes--even if they don't advertise it, but that is what makes our successes that much more satisfying. If everything came naturally or easily, we would take everything for granted and never achieve anything worthwhile.

Decide what is important to you and give it your all. Good luck!
"A trick may be very good...but...the illusionist must be better than the trick." -René Lavand
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Profile of mark2004
Hey silentsoulriot, never let go of your dreams and try not to feel pressurised into fulfilling someone else's dream.

It seems you have two issues - one is how to live with being bi-polar and the other is working out what you really want to do in life. I don't think there are any simple answers to the second one: I've hit 40 and I'm still not sure where I'm going - but I'm comforted by the thought that some of the most successful and happiest people I know also say similar things. It's possible that tomorrow any of us might encounter something new that inspires us to take a new direction which later becomes the greatest achievement of our lives. Or maybe we come across a new opportunity to fulfill a dream we thought we'd lost. It's never too late...

As for bi-polarity, I know that can be tough for an individual to deal with when they're on a low swing because I've lived with someone who is bi-polar. The good news is that a lot of bi-polar people find ways to live with the condition. For some people medication takes the problem away; for others careful living regimes involving attention to what they eat and how much rest they take make a massive difference; and there are even some who find that they prefer to live with the down swings because the upswings give them amazing creative rewards. There isn't a single cure or management strategy, it's a question of finding what works for you. And to do that it really does help to find the right kind of medical professional to support you.

In your situation it isn't unusual to feel that no one understands how bad you feel or that you're in a rut you will never be able to get out of. But that's how loads of people have felt before finding their personal route out of the rut.
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Profile of magic4ewe
Hi Riot,

Welcome to the forum. I have a daughter who is also 14 and is a magician. She too fell in love with it at a young age. What's not to love about magic? She first caught the bug watching Dana Daniels at Disneyland doing his variety show and he called her up on stage to be his "assistant". She was 4 at the time. She didn't become truly immersed into magic until she was 11 I believe. It can be tough, and takes a lot of dedication, however if it is something you love to do it--then it is worth the effort. My best advice is to go to either the SAM or IBM websites and find a youth group in your area. You may even quality for the adult group. My daughter belongs to the SAM, the SYM, and the IBM. Belonging to these organizations have truly opened doors for her in regards to meeting wonderful people to help mentor her.

As far as following one's dream-- you can only follow one person's.... your own! Sure, as parents we have our dreams for our children, but my greatest dream is that my child will live a happy and fulfilling life, which can only be accomplished by letting her live it.

The most important thing, as already stated, is to be sure your condition is under control. I am assuming that you are taking meds. As a parent to a teenage girl, the *cough cough* didn't go over my head. I believe that was in regards to the drugs and not suicide. You have to be aware that every time you take any illegal drug or OTC drug you are risking a drug interaction that can be fatal if it is not medically approved with your medication. I'm not trying to lecture, just trying to warn you of the very real dangers you are facing. You can only have a career in magic if you have a future. So be your own best friend and take care of yourself!

I wish you the very best the world has to offer. I hope you are feeling better soon!
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Profile of S2000magician
I am a part-time professional magician.

Six-and-one-half years ago my wife made me start taking horseback riding lessons. (As we were driving to the ranch the first day I thought I could do it for a month and then figure some way to get out of it.) Today we own three Arabian horses, and I want to start endurance riding and ride & tie. My goal is to finish the Tevis Cup.

My point: there's no reason you, too, cannot do both. Maybe you won't do both while you're still in your teens - or twenties or thirties, perhaps - but you can do both if you set your mind to it.

I have three "children" - ages 26, 24, and 21: two boys and one girl. We've had to deal with a variety of mental disorders, so when I write that there's no reason you cannot do both, it is with that firmly in mind.

You have my sincere best wishes. If I can offer any more help, don't hesitate to send a PM.
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Profile of WizardB
Hi Riot. I am in college as well, I am nineteen, and am going through manic/depressive cycles, and I feel your pain. I will give you this one piece of advice, feeling happy is MUCH better than feeling depressed. I will not go into anymore detail, other than (and I know have heard this SIX BILLION TIMES because I did to) you have more control of your emotions than you do. So, if you like something, than go out and do it. Don't think, just do. Talking about your problems is good, but at a certain point talk just becomes a pity party, which doesn't help...Trust me, I know. But it is very good that you had the guts to talk about it. Now that you have some (hopefully) trustworthy advice, go out and FOLLOW IT! Do the things you really enjoy, and don't worry about the diagnosis, because more often than not these things are self fulfilling prophecies, I discovered that while trying to get through some disabling tics related to Tourette's. So have fun, and worry about the rest when it comes, but don't make a problem that doesn't exist (not that you are...This is all just my advice/experience...). As always, have a magical day! Smile

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