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impossible man
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I find it inconvenient to wear a wedding ring and do the French drop. Actually, just an example of why I don't wear rings for closeup. But then I get to the graduation parties where the single aunt is drunk, or I get hired to perform for a singles group, and I wish I had the ring on.

What I'm looking for is an alternative. But, I don't think putting the ring on a chain around my neck fits my wardrobe (dress slacks, business shirt, and jacket).

Right now I just make sure I mention my wife favorably in my patter, but it would sure be nice to add a little touch to my outfit that could curtail flirting or misunderstandings.
Dean Gilbert
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Al Angello
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I don't understand what your problem is, for the first time in my life I have women hitting on me and I love it. I always go strieght home after the gig, and I love women paying attention to me. My favorite line is "I wish my husband was as much fun as you are".

I wear no rings, bracelets, or wrist watch because I'm a juggler and I'm afraid they will make me walk with a limp.
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
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"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
impossible man
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Normally, it's not a big deal, but the comments I get are much more direct and sexually oriented than the ones you mentioned, and maybe I could curtail some of those.
Dean Gilbert
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Big Daddy Cool
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Dean,

You must be doing something right! Most magician's personality is enough to turn off any woman!

Seriously though, this can be a tricky situation. You have a practical need not to wear it, but I'm sure your wife hates that you want to take it off. As far as the comments and advances go - you are in complete control of what you do with that temptation...
Swing hard, swing often, and we'll catch ya on the Flip-Side!
John Pyka
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Al Angello
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Dean
I have made sexual suggestions to women all of my life, and I have never met a woman who had any problems blowing me off. My advise to you is to keep smiling, and don't let them get you in a corner.

I have also had women say to me "my girl friend wants to take you home with her, are you availible?", or "are you availible for a sleep over at my house?" the older you get the more agressive women become. The world is full of lonely women, just think when you are my age you will have to beat them off with a stick.

The most imbarrasing incident I have ever had was when a 10 year old girl asked her mother "why can't our daddy be as much fun as Mr. Al"
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com
http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
impossible man
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You know what I've learned from your experiences? Maybe I just need to keep a sense of humor. That's been my only reaction in these situations, smile, and stick to the patter.

Thanks!
Dean Gilbert
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Father Photius
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Drunk aunts are not detered by rings. I never wear rings when performing, they definitely get in the way. As far as come ons, well that is all part of performing, I find a polite response that you are not available or not interested works wonders.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
Al Angello
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I'm not allowed out to play late at night thank you, with a big sigh of dissapointment always works for me.
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
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http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
Bob Sanders
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Dean,

First I agree that the "tink" sound of a coin hitting a ring can ruin a trick. Taking your ring off may solve that problem. Mine has a few small rocks in it that catch the light on stage. Sometimes that too is part of the problem. Other times it is great misdirection. As a rule I take it off.

In 1987 my left hand was crushed in an auto accident. After surgery for five Thursdays in a row, it works fine and looks OK. But it hurts. I drive a lot. A week of 1200-1700 miles is not rare. I take the ring off on long drives and it leaves me in better shape for the show or lecture. The outside world has never offered the temptation that works on me like the guilt of being found dead or in a emergency room without that ring on.

Strange, but on stage it doesn't bother me. (Of course, my watch is off too. I'm a dove magician.)

Soon I will start my fiftieth year in the professional entertainment industry. Even when I was single I did not mix business with pleasure. (I did give away a lot tux shirts to regain my privacy. Most are just trophy hunters anyway.) My best defense has been simply looking married. I am very married. It has worked well.

Reality is that to a trophy hunter your wedding ring only makes the trophy more valuable. It is not about respect for the guy. But you have a choice. "No" is a very honest answer.

Bob Sanders
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impossible man
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The nice thing is that my wife, friends and relatives all know exactly who I am. So I have no problems. My wife teaches high school and runs a drama department and takes her engagment ring off then she is building sets. We don't worry about it. I do make sure my wife knows where I am and when. For instance, I teach communication at a private college, and I don't meet in private with any female students. She knows who I'm with if I'm out, that kind of thing. It's not her rule, it's a mutual thing we like.

When I am in a job situation where I might have some private down time to work on coin stuff, I might tell new acquitances, hey, I'm not having problems at home, it's just that when I'm not working on x I have time to brush up my coin moves. Some of my best stuff is coins hand to hand. When they see it, they understand too.

I guess I'm not worried about getting genuine offers that I might considered, since I've had very clear offers from women I knew in the past and have been through all that already. I just get annoyed that it's one more distraction, and some of the comments are so blatant I don't always have a quick comeback.

But I have a new one thanks to Al!
Dean Gilbert
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Autumn Morning Star
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Quote:
On 2008-01-23 15:25, Al Angello wrote:
I'm not allowed out to play late at night thank you, with a big sigh of dissapointment always works for me.

Al said it all. When I see my husband working on a set without his ring (he acts in many theater productions) it always gives me a teensy sad feeling in the pit of my stomach, but it would give me a MUCH sadder feeling if he lost a finger because of the ring.

Keep this in mind: Women who are honorable and interested DO look for a ring on a man's finger, but even if there is no ring we will still ask someone if the guy is married before we start flirting. Most of the women who are aggressively after you do not care if you have a ring or not. I don't need to spell out what they are interested in and it is certainly not you or your wife's well-being!

As for me, I have two rings, one a very thin, channel-set diamond ring and the other one with big honking diamonds. I wear the thin one when I am performing and it does not get in the way of my close-up. The French drop never 'talks', but if I were doing certain coin tricks, I would definitely leave off the ring.

Guys will hit on me whether I have the ring on or off. Young guys in their twenties really find women who are older than them super-sexy and they hit on me a lot. (Demi Moore started this trend.) Philandering married men especially go for the women WITH the ring! I guess they figure we already have a husband but "need the occasional secret tryst with a recreational man". Geez! These men would NEVER get lucky with me, even if I was single!

When a woman comes on to you, (or a man comes on to me) you simply have to let them know you are very married, but in a nice way. I love Al's response and I think this is a graceful way of letting them down. Some people will not take no for an answer so you just have to walk away.
Wonder is very necessary in life. When we're little kids, we're filled with wonder for the world - it's fascinating and miraculous. A lot of people lose that. They become cynical and jaded, especially in modern day society. Magic renews that wonder.
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daver
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Funny; It's kinda random when I wear mine and when I don't. In addition to magic, I race bicycles, and a couple of hours in those goofy gloves and you can understand why I take off the ring when I train/race too. And plenty of times I forget to put it back on, or just don't bother. In addition to when I do coin work.

Interesting thing is that I find no difference in how I am approached by or interact with women whether the ring is on or not. As with other things in magic, it's just as much in how you carry yourself. (no offense intended to anyone, just an observation).

BTW, being married is a GREAT excuse to wear a PK ring as well. No one's gonna ask, "Hey! When did you get married?" Smile
Dave



What's the difference between a magician and a deck of cards? A deck of cards has FOUR suits...
billy charisma
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I WEAR MY WEDDING RING, but its not what you wear that counts, I know its your manerisms and patter that set the scene, if you "inferre" that your available, then the drunken aunt might hit on you, (dont know why though, seen your photo!!)
but if they do get a bit friendly, just point out that your wife is in the wings watching, it normaly works!!
hello everybody,,
impossible man
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That's funny. Yes, I try to keep up the kind of friendliness that you would have for people entering your place of business, and it is the type I can use in front of a woman's husband, boyfriend or father, or in front of my wife.

Really, this thread started because I felt bad about one woman who was not really hitting on my me but was just being nice, like letting me know I could ask her out after, and I started just an ordinary conversation before I knew what was happening. I told the client my wife would be at the performance, which was for a denominational singles convention, and then at the last minute she got company and stayed home. SO you can see it is just a case of me worrying way too much about appearances.

Actually lately, getting a little older and being tired all the time rearing young kids and working a lot, I'm surprised I get flirted with even by drunk women.
Dean Gilbert
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sethb
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I can't help with the flirting problems, but as to your original issue with your French Drop move "talking" because of the ring -- have you tried using your non-ring hand for the drop? That's what I do, only because I think it would be too much trouble to keep removing and replacing my wedding ring. Plus, it's another good motivation for learning coin sleights with both hands. SETH
"Watch the Professor!!" -- Al Flosso (1895-1976)
"The better you are, the closer they watch" -- Darwin Ortiz, STRONG MAGIC
impossible man
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I knew if I tried to take the easy way out someone would someday recommend learning sleights with both hands. Actually, I have done a little of this. I do have a few other instances of palmed coins where this is a concern, and in the coins across I do I must alternately palm in each hand. But I am at the stage where I should be doing this. It also encourages me to make a longer sponge ball routine, and get a good card routine together.

At my age I should be grateful that anyone would bother, of course. It's not the flirting, so much, as the time the girl thought I was available and I realized that what I thought was just a pleasant conversation between sets was really her giving me an opening. Then I felt like I led her on. So stories about the wife go into my conversations as much as possible.
Dean Gilbert
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SeanD13
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Have you thought of using something to pad the back of the ring to keep it from talking?

I have used yarn to pad the back of a ring in a trick to keep it from talking.

Sean
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impossible man
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I've thought about it, I wonder how it will look to the audience. Also the ring is a little tight as it is. But I do think I might try some gold string or floss from a craft store.

Thanks, Sean.
Dean Gilbert
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Father Photius
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Well even the roman collar doesn't always help, but just being polite, but firm, that you are not available generally works. Beyond that, don't worry about drunk aunt mary following you home. I have been known to announce at the end of my shows "For $5 I'd be happy to give you an autograph, for $10 I'd be happy to give you an autographed picture, and for $25 I'd be happy to go home and sit on ur dresser" Never had a single one of those come on gals even ask for the autograph. Most of them are just having a bit of fun and being playful. Like the dog who chases the car, if she caught one she wouldn't know what to do with it, esp in a room full of her friends and relatives.
"Now here's the man with the 25 cent hands, that two bit magician..."
impossible man
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That is a very useful insight.

I guess when I boil it down my one concern was a situation like the one I described above where the young lady was not flirting, just making conversation, but it she was definitely being available to be asked out. I might have accidentally led someone on.

I also find it useful to overthink everything I do. In this way I end up coming to the same conclusions I did at first, but with a lot more energy expended that could have been used elsewhere. Like just using a Svengali deck once in a while instead of learning new sleights endlessly. (I don't shy away from sarcasm either, as long as I don't direct it at others.)

"Sit on your dresser" makes me think of one of those little figurines or gargoyles or good luck figures people decorate with Smile
Dean Gilbert
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