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S2000magician
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A coworker e-mailed me this. As we've had an incredibly hectic last few weeks - CFA exams are coming up Saturday, so candidates are in a panic - he thought we could use a laugh or two.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.

We haven't used Sears repair since.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes, I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said, "We’re sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

From Kingman, KS


IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

From Kansas City


IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" to which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded.
"That's why we ask."

This happened in Birmingham, AL


IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS


IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company because of "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and, for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

She's a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.


IDIOT SIGHTING:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi.
MickeyPainless
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Funny but SAD since this is becoming more and more common every day in the US!
MagiClyde
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Quote:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" to which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded.
"That's why we ask."


I think they are required to ask the question. Unfortunately, it sounds like the sort of thing a lawyer or beauracrat (sp?) would come up with!
Magic! The quicker picker-upper!
magicgeorge
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I went in a shop once and the till was broken.

I picked up something that was a pound and something that was 76p. The woman behind the counter took out a pen and paper and had to write them as a sum before telling me it was 1 pound and 76p.
Josh the Superfluous
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I was making a purchase at a Kmart, with a credit card. The girl at the checkout compared my signature with the one on my driver's license. She said "They told me to compare the signatures, and these don't look the same. But they didn't say what to do if they don't match, so I guess your all set."


My brother received a driver's license, with his middle name misspelled. He went to the Department of Motor Vehicles, and pointed out the error to a clerk. The clerk retrieved his information from the computer, and upon seeing it spelled the same way, told my brother "No, that's how it's spelled."
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2
kregg
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I ordered a cup of coffee using the drive thru window. The lady asked me if I'd like cream.
"Yes please, I'll have a couple."
She asked, "A couple ... that's three right?"
Being a smart a** with a background in magic and stack of Mad magazines I responded, "That's right, whenever you go out on a double date there are a few other people."
POOF!
spatlind
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Quote:
On 2008-06-05 05:43, magicgeorge wrote:
I went in a shop once and the till was broken.

I picked up something that was a pound and something that was 76p. The woman behind the counter took out a pen and paper and had to write them as a sum before telling me it was 1 pound and 76p.


This never ceases to amaze me.
Another which is usually told with a punchline, but I have heard many times, in Asia and South America
"How big is the pizza?"
"6 slices"
I don't even ask anymore
Actions lie louder than words - Carolyn Wells

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature - Frank Lloyd Wright.
MagiClyde
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There are so many cases of idiots on tape that they've made whole shows based on it!

One really incredibly bad one was the cop who was going through a fast food joint. He paid for his meal and, when he got his change, insisted that the girl at the register had short-changed him. He even went so far as to enter the restaurant, complain to the manager, and arrest the girl for theft. It wasn't until the surveillance tape of the register was looked at that they realized that he had given her $10 (he thought it was $20) and she had given him the correct change. Nothing ever happened to the cop and, the last I heard, the family was suing the police for false arrest and harrassment.
Magic! The quicker picker-upper!
S2000magician
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Years ago I was coming home from a volleyball game late at night and stopped at a local supermarket to pick up a bottle of Gatorade. Unfortunately, all I had on me was a $100 bill. The girl at the register said that she was not allowed to accept a $100 bill for the Gatorade. She could, however, give me change for the $100 bill - five twenties - and then accept a $20 bill for the Gatorade. You might think that she was just being clever to help me get around company policy. Alas, no. She really thought that there was a difference between the two transactions.
stoneunhinged
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Man, I really wish I could add something to this thread, but for some reason I've never ever detected anyone acting like an idiot in my presence.

Strange, huh.
Xargos
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Maybe ..... you are the idiot...
stoneunhinged
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BADABOOM!

(You're HIRED! It's very hard to find a straight man these days.)
Scott Cram
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Quote:
On 2008-06-05 01:46, S2000magician wrote:
A coworker e-mailed me this. As we've had an incredibly hectic last few weeks - CFA exams are coming up Saturday, so candidates are in a panic - he thought we could use a laugh or two.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.

We haven't used Sears repair since.



This reminds me of the old joke:

"Into how many pieces would you like your pizza cut? 6 or 8?"
"Better cut it into 6. I don't think I could eat 8."
magicgeorge
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I thought that was the joke spatlind was alluding to. My dad claims that's something that was actually said by an English football star.
stoneunhinged
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I think Moses told it first.
Michael Baker
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1) I was hired to work a private party in an area of a local theme park set aside for such events. This was in the few days following 9-11, when security was tightened up everywhere like a rubberband on meth.

Naturally, they were searching every bag, purse, container, etc. that entered the park.

Well, with the need for extra security personnel, it stands to reason that some made the cut just because the quota needed filling in a hurry.

The guy that started searching my bag, saw all my props (which needless to say are not what one would expect to find), so he basically flipped out! You would have thought he'd discovered all of Saddam's WMD's. He started to ask me what all this was, so I told him who I was, why I was there. and that these were my magic props.

He pushed the bag back in my hands and said, "I don't know nuthin' about no magic tricks!"

And he let me through. Would have been a good day to be a terrorist.


2)Working in a magic/costume shop, a couple came in to buy items for a church production. The man found a red devil's tail, and held it up for his wife to see. She said, "No, the devil doesn't look like that. Well... nobody knows what he looks like, but we know he doesn't look llike that."

Would have been a good day to be the devil with a red tail.
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Lyndel
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wrote the theme to the TV show COPS!
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Quote:
On 2008-06-05 13:59, stoneunhinged wrote:
BADABOOM!

It's very hard to find a straight man these days.)


Then you're hanging out in the wrong bars! Smile


Lyndel
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spatlind
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Quote:
On 2008-06-05 14:49, magicgeorge wrote:
I thought that was the joke spatlind was alluding to. My dad claims that's something that was actually said by an English football star.


George, you're right, I was alluding to the fact that it is told as a joke. I on the other hand have had this said to me at least a dozen times in various restaurants in Asia and Sth America!!
Actions lie louder than words - Carolyn Wells

I believe in God, only I spell it Nature - Frank Lloyd Wright.
Steve_Mollett
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Eh, so I've made
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1. My wife ordered an unsweetened iced tea. What she got was horribly sweet. When she complained, the waitress explained, "It IS unsweetened; it has Equal instead of sugar."

2. Today (!) my wife called the electric co. about a string of sporadic power outages. The person at the call station said she should turn off her appliances when power outages occur to avoid damage. When my wife asked how one would know when a power outage was slated to occur, or if we should keep our appliances off 24/7, the call-station person was at an obvious loss for a reply.

3. A friend in Georgia bought a bottle of tonic water at a convenience store. When the woman at the counter saw the label, she acidically asked why they wanted to buy "toxic" water, it being dangerous and 'bad for the environment.'
When he told her it was TONIC water, she still didn't get it.
Author of: GARROTE ESCAPES
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.
- Albert Camus
Michael Baker
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One of my first jobs was cooking at a steakhouse restaurant. Before baking the potatoes, we naturally washed them in a big prep sink. One of the waitresses, asked us why we were putting the potatoes in the water, so we told her we had to drown them first so customers wouldn't hear them scream when we put them into a hot oven. She said, "Oh, ok.", and went about her usual business.
~michael baker
The Magic Company
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