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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Idiot Sightings (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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DStachowiak
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Quote:
On 2008-06-05 14:49, magicgeorge wrote:
I thought that was the joke spatlind was alluding to. My dad claims that's something that was actually said by an English football star.

I heard it attributed to Yogi Berra. Of course he says "I never said half that stuff I said"
Woke up.
Fell out of bed.
Dragged a comb across m' head.
Patrick Differ
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If you love these examples, you'll scream over Dr. Lawrence Peter's book The Peter Principle. His book is peppered with about a hundred of these stories, and he kindly gives his theories as to why such incompetence is so prevelant. It's dark humor. It will make you laugh and cry at the same time. It will make you wonder.
Will you walk into my parlour? said the Spider to the Fly,
Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there.

Oh no, no, said the little Fly, to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair
-can ne'er come down again.
Leland Stone
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There was once a very wily young man at a local convenience store, who knew that agents from the Alcoholic Beverages Control bureau often visited & "tested" clerks' adherence, ensuring that customers were "carded" to verify their age when buying adult beverages.

A young-looking buyer approached this eager newbie, placed his six-pack on the counter, and forked over some cash. Not so fast - that sharp-eyed clerk asked for - no, DEMANDED some I.D. from the befuddled buyer, who, knowing he'd been bettered, complied. And showed his driver's licence to get his six-pack...of Pepsi.

Okay, so I was the idiot. But I got that one printed in Readers Digest Smile


Leland
Bill Nuvo
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Hey, at one time Pepsi and Coke were considered adult beverages.
NicholasD
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This is occasionally told as a joke, however, it really happened to me. Before I retired, I was a banker for 44 years. A man came to my desk after the teller refused to cash his personal check. He insisted that he MUST have money in his account because he still had some checks left.
whitjm5
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Quote:
On 2008-06-05 18:27, Steve_Mollett wrote:
1. My wife ordered an unsweetened iced tea. What she got was horribly sweet. When she complained, the waitress explained, "It IS unsweetened; it has Equal instead of sugar."



Steve, I don't know what it is with you Ohio-ans and your unsweet tea (my wife was born there and I was born in KY). LOL. Makes me glad to live in the South, now, though. Sweet tea...yummy!!! Smile
Tom Bartlett
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About twenty years a go I went to the drive trough at my bank to cash a check for $800.00. After I received the enveloped of cash, I rolled forward a few feet and stopped to count the money. I found she gave me nine one hundred dollar bills instead of eight, so I back up, to inform the teller she had given me too much money. She quickly cut me short and told me in a very hateful tone, that I should have counted it before I pulled away from the window, I said “thank you” and drove on.
Our friends don't have to agree with me about everything and some that I hold very dear don't have to agree about anything, except where we are going to meet them for dinner.
balducci
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I saw someone driving a Hummer earlier today. Does that count?
Make America Great Again! - Trump in 2020 ... "We're a capitalistic society. I go into business, I don't make it, I go bankrupt. They're not going to bail me out. I've been on welfare and food stamps. Did anyone help me? No." - Craig T. Nelson, actor.
Scott Cram
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Quote:
On 2008-06-05 14:49, magicgeorge wrote:
I thought that was the joke spatlind was alluding to.


Usually, when someone is asking how big a pizza is, they're asking for the diameter (8", 12", 16" and so on). The number of slices says nothing about the size of the pizza.

Quote:
On 2008-06-05 15:56, Lyndel wrote:
Quote:
On 2008-06-05 13:59, stoneunhinged wrote:

It's very hard to find a straight man these days.)


Then you're hanging out in the wrong bars! Smile


Lyndel


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(Press button)

Quote:
On 2008-06-05 18:36, Michael Baker wrote:
One of my first jobs was cooking at a steakhouse restaurant. Before baking the potatoes, we naturally washed them in a big prep sink. One of the waitresses, asked us why we were putting the potatoes in the water, so we told her we had to drown them first so customers wouldn't hear them scream when we put them into a hot oven. She said, "Oh, ok.", and went about her usual business.


That's funny. I was just on another forum, and one of the ladies on there told me a similar story about a guy who thought he had to put potatoes underwater to drown them. Smile
Dustin Baker
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Quote:
On 2008-06-06 00:50, balducci wrote:
I saw someone driving a Hummer earlier today. Does that count?


No. . . no, it doesn't.


I called the local Dominoes Pizza (since my favorite place had closed early that night).
I asked the 'phone girl', "What sizes are your pizzas?"
She replied, "Small, Medium, and Large."
Me: "No. I mean how many inches?
Her: "Huh?"
Me: "Inches. How big is each size?"
Her: "I don't know? The small is the smallest, the medium is a bit bigger, and the large is the biggest one we've got."

Remembering this particular Dominoes, I asked her to look at the wall where the menu and the big round pizza pans are.
Me: "Are there little numbers under the names of the sizes?"
Her: "Of course."
Me: "What are they?"
Her: "The small is 5.99, the medium is 11.99 and the large is 15.99."
Me: ". . . okay, thank you."
Think inside the box. . . it's less crowded.
Scott Cram
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Idiot sighting:

Image
Dustin Baker
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I think we would . . . but I might be wrong.
Think inside the box. . . it's less crowded.
abc
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I looked in the mirror this morning.
Does that count?
Scott Cram
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I never understood why so many people at anti-war protests were into Mercedes-Benzes. Smile
LobowolfXXX
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Quote:
On 2008-06-06 01:14, Dustin Baker wrote:
Quote:
On 2008-06-06 00:50, balducci wrote:
I saw someone driving a Hummer earlier today. Does that count?


No. . . no, it doesn't.


I called the local Dominoes Pizza (since my favorite place had closed early that night).
I asked the 'phone girl', "What sizes are your pizzas?"
She replied, "Small, Medium, and Large."
Me: "No. I mean how many inches?
Her: "Huh?"
Me: "Inches. How big is each size?"
Her: "I don't know? The small is the smallest, the medium is a bit bigger, and the large is the biggest one we've got."

Remembering this particular Dominoes, I asked her to look at the wall where the menu and the big round pizza pans are.
Me: "Are there little numbers under the names of the sizes?"
Her: "Of course."
Me: "What are they?"
Her: "The small is 5.99, the medium is 11.99 and the large is 15.99."
Me: ". . . okay, thank you."


Domino's is on the idiot list for worse than that...there's no such thing as a small pizza; their two sizes are medium & large. Which makes one wonder what "medium" is in reference to, since it comes from the root suggesting the one in the middle. I've actually dealt with managers who would rather lose the sale than admit that their "medium" is really a small.

Similarly, few things peeve me more than restaurants that call their 3 drink sizes something like "large, extra large, and jumbo" so when you order a large, reasonably expecting to get the biggest size they have, instead you get a 10 oz thing that doesn't last 30 seconds.
"Torture doesn't work" lol
Guess they forgot to tell Bill Buckley.

"...as we reason and love, we are able to hope. And hope enables us to resist those things that would enslave us."
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2008-06-06 02:17, LobowolfXXX wrote:
Domino's is on the idiot list for worse than that...there's no such thing as a small pizza; their two sizes are medium & large. Which makes one wonder what "medium" is in reference to, since it comes from the root suggesting the one in the middle. I've actually dealt with managers who would rather lose the sale than admit that their "medium" is really a small.

Similarly, few things peeve me more than restaurants that call their 3 drink sizes something like "large, extra large, and jumbo" so when you order a large, reasonably expecting to get the biggest size they have, instead you get a 10 oz thing that doesn't last 30 seconds.


OK, if you see "large, extra large and jumbo" on the menu, you'd have to assume that "large" is actually going to be the smallest size you get.
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"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
magicgeorge
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Quote:
On 2008-06-06 01:04, Scott Cram wrote:
Quote:
On 2008-06-05 14:49, magicgeorge wrote:
I thought that was the joke spatlind was alluding to.


Usually, when someone is asking how big a pizza is, they're asking for the diameter (8", 12", 16" and so on). The number of slices says nothing about the size of the pizza.


No sh*t!

I'm not the idiot (I hope). As spatlind confirmed stating the size by the slices is pretty much the same wonky logic as the "I couldn't eat 8" joke.

I'm actually quite the opposite and divide all the prices by the radius, twice to check which is the best value...
DStachowiak
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Quote:
On 2008-06-06 06:15, magicgeorge wrote:
Quote:
On 2008-06-06 01:04, Scott Cram wrote:
Quote:
On 2008-06-05 14:49, magicgeorge wrote:
I thought that was the joke spatlind was alluding to.


Usually, when someone is asking how big a pizza is, they're asking for the diameter (8", 12", 16" and so on). The number of slices says nothing about the size of the pizza.


No sh*t!

I'm not the idiot (I hope). As spatlind confirmed stating the size by the slices is pretty much the same wonky logic as the "I couldn't eat 8" joke.

I'm actually quite the opposite and divide all the prices by the radius, twice to check which is the best value...

Wouldn't it be more accurate to divide by the area, rather than the radius?
Don
Woke up.
Fell out of bed.
Dragged a comb across m' head.
magicgeorge
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I divide it by the radius, twice. Fink about it.

If it's an odd diameter I'll divide it by that twice. For the sizes Scott mentioned I'd divide the prices by 4, 9 and 16 respectively.

Sometimes I divide the circumference by the diameter but that's only if I feel like a pizza pi.

George
Leland Stone
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Several years ago I was pulled over for expired tags on my truck. I explained to the officer that I'd mailed the renewal fee to the DMV and showed him the registered mail return receipt, signed by a clerk at the DMV, along with a photocopy of the cheque I'd sent.

The officer looked at my paperwork and said, "Okay, this proves they got it, but it doesn't prove you sent it."

Later, the judge sorta smirked as he dismissed the case.
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