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gsidhe Inner circle Michigan 1725 Posts |
Locally, I have a bit of a reputation as a person who knows all about wierd animals. I can identify them, have a storehouse of information on them, know their temperments and how they react to human interference. I was not surprised when I got a call last Thursday to come check out something that crawled underneath a friends car. They didn't want to back out and squish it. They had called me before for snakes, salamanders, spiders, wierd bugs, a shrew...
All of these I would capture and relocate to a place that would be safer for the animal. The area I am in has a huge migrant population and these folks are from areas where it seems that everything is poisonous. They see a snake, lizard or wierd bug, they are very likely to kill it without any hesitation. It took me years to get them to stop and at least call me first so I can get the critter, do a little education and save the beasties life. When they call, I get there quick! This was the first time they had ever called me about a turtle. I arrive on the scene and look into the dark under the car just as it was starting to rain. There it was. A massive brute of a turtle. I could see the outline of the shell (At least 18" long and 9" high) and the face. It seemed to be standing up more on its legs than most turtles. It's shell was completely off the ground and the legs were more like hooves then the webbed claws I was used to seeing on turtles of that size. From the size of it, I first thought it must be a snapping turtle of some sort, but from the hooflike feet and the fact that it was holding itself up off of the ground, I changed my thoughts a little...Perhaps it was some sort of tortise. It was warm enough that it could have been a gopher tortise that someone had released into the wild. I grabbed a stick and waved it in front of the face to see if it would react at all. It ignored it completely. Ok...Not a snapper. I was just reaching under the car when one of the many gathered to watch said "I wouldn't have called you for a turtle, but it had such a wierd tail." "Wierd tail?" I asked, pausing for a moment. "Yeah...it has these wierd spikes..." I yanked my hand back just in time. It was an alligator snapping turtle. I had messed with these fellows before. They stay very docile until they are sure they can get you and then WHAM! You are missing fingers. I just didn't expect to find one in the middle of a parking lot, in the dark, under a car. There was about 2" of clearance between the top of the shell and the bottom of the car. I told the owner that she could back up very slowly and the turtle would be ok. She pulled back and the monster was revealed. His four inch wide beaked mouth was gaping at me as he stood his ground. I looked at him carefully, checking the carcapace for cracks or wounds. There was a leech attached to it that I removed from behind while distracting it with a stick. This was a beautiful tough old turtle. The feet had looked like hooves because most of its toes had been bitten of and so it stood funny. It was about a half mile from the nearest body of water, and there were roads between it and safety. I was going to have to transport a very surly animal quite a bit of distance. I had someone fetch me a box. It was fairly tall with an open top. I figured I could set it down in the box, throw it in the back of my car and drive it the short distance to the lake. I set the box on my back seat and started to pull out. I turned around to look behind me, and that is when I noticed the giant turtle head peeking out between my seats and looking at my elbow in a non friendly fashion. Have you ever seen someone jump out of a car in a state of panic because there was a bee inside? Yeah. It was kind of like that except that a turtle that size could bit off my elbow. It had overturned the box and was now set on defending its new territory. The back seat of my car. I managed to wrestle the snapping flailing turtle from my back seat and held by the sides at arms reach. It was stretching out its neck over its shoulder trying to grab my fingers and missing by centimeters. There was no other way to do this but walk to the pond, holding the turtle so tightly my knuckles were turning white. Each time it snapped at me, its whole body jerked violently and it was slowly wearing me out. The rain picked up at the point into a downpour. I walked the 1/2 mile to the lake in the rain with a berserk snapper flailing in my hands. I got to the steep, grassy, leaf covered bank to the lake, my flat soled Vans type sneakers squishing with water. Flat soled Sneakers on a wet grassy leaf covered bank. Yep. I landed on my back with a "Woomph!" sound, throwing the 20 lb turtle high into the air. I had just half a second to think "Ooh...That hurt!" before the gigantic 20 pound turtle landed on his back in the center of my stomach with a second "Woomph!" This apparantly was the turtles cue to begin break dancing as it tried to right itself. It's rear feet flailing, its neck stretching out jaws snapping frantically for purchase...something, ANYTHING to grab on to. I pushed the turtle one way and rolled the other. I landed in a low crouch backing away as the turtle, now having righted itself was literally charging at me, mouth agape. I screamed and dove to the side, a gentle kick sending it spinning down the bank into the lake. He looked up at me once, and then swam off like nothing had happened. Ungrateful little twit. Gwyd, hater of turtles |
kcg5 Inner circle who wants four fried chickens and a coke 1868 Posts |
You sound like the jason bourne of turtle wranglers
Nobody expects the spanish inquisition!!!!!
"History will be kind to me, as I intend to write it"- Sir Winston Churchill |
balducci Loyal user Canada 227 Posts |
While I applaud your generosity and good will towards other life forms, you were about THIS '' close to being mentioned in one of those other forum threads (e.g., like the one about the Darwin Awards).
Make America Great Again! - Trump in 2020 ... "We're a capitalistic society. I go into business, I don't make it, I go bankrupt. They're not going to bail me out. I've been on welfare and food stamps. Did anyone help me? No." - Craig T. Nelson, actor.
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Justin Style Inner circle 2010 Posts |
WOW!!!
You're Superman! Unbelievable, way to go Gwyd! Come on over to the bar, drinks are on me! :cheers: |
Mark Rough Inner circle Ivy, Virginia 2110 Posts |
Good deal Gwyd! Those things are monsters. The closest I've come to this is scruffing a big momma possum that was trying to eat my chicken's eggs. All teeth and attitude and ugliness, but no real threat. It's good there are folks like you around. My sister would have run it over. Actually, I was just telling her that if she squished another bug, I was going to flush one of her children down the toilet. Yep, family. . . good times.
Mark
What would Wavy do?
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Bill Nuvo Inner circle 3094 Posts or 2742 Posts |
For some reason I am reminded of the movie Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls.
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Magnus Eisengrim Inner circle Sulla placed heads on 1053 Posts |
Gwyd! Gwyd! Gwyd!
We are not worthy!! Great story. Thanks. John (sad because there are no turtles around here)
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned; The best lack all conviction, while the worst Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats |
George Ledo Magic Café Columnist SF Bay Area 3042 Posts |
A few years ago we driving somewhere, and Donna spotted a small turtle in the middle of the road. She was driving, so I offered to get out and carry the turtle to the other side. So I picked it up, and the darn thing started... shall we say... taking a leak. Just missed my sneaker by about an inch.
Talk about feeling like an idiot, holding up this turtle that just keeps going and going. No, they don't have any sense of gratitude. If I had thought it could understand me, I would told it a few choice things.
That's our departed buddy Burt, aka The Great Burtini, doing his famous Cups and Mice routine
www.georgefledo.net Latest column: "Sorry about the photos in my posts here" |
Al Angello Eternal Order Collegeville, Pa. USA 11045 Posts |
Gwyd
OMG this turtle thing of yours is on two different forums at the same time.
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/ "Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone" |
gsidhe Inner circle Michigan 1725 Posts |
Shhhh...
I didn't want anyone to feel left out. Gwyd |
Cliffg37 Inner circle Long Beach, CA 2491 Posts |
I think you should have your own TV show. Animal rescue goes over well these days, and Marlin Perkins has nothing on you.
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right! |
kregg Inner circle 1950 Posts |
It's hard form me to imagine an ungrateful turtle. Must be a sign of the times.
Cliff: "I think you should have your own TV show." The Turtle Whisperer?
POOF!
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Cliffg37 Inner circle Long Beach, CA 2491 Posts |
Not a bad idea Kregg, Gwyd, can you bring the turtles?
Magic is like Science,
Both are fun if you do it right! |
Dr. Delusion Special user Eugene, Oregon. 733 Posts |
Terrific job and story to boot !! I enjoy fishing and that story makes me glad we don't have any critters with teeth or strong jaws in our rivers and lakes here in Oregon.
Bob. |
Chrystal Inner circle Canada/France 1552 Posts |
OMG!!! gs! That is some story! I'd like to nominate you for good guy of the year regarding saving that turtle. Hope you don't run into him again and he's as ungrateful as ever..heard they have turle recall. (smile)
Chrystal |
Michael Baker Eternal Order Near a river in the Midwest 11172 Posts |
Alligator Snappers are common down here in the South. Nothing you want to mess with. They can get very big, too... almost prehistoric.
When I was about 13 or 14 and living in Illinois, I had gone fishing at a nearby lake. I was baiting for catfish when something really huge hit my line. Turns out it was a snapping turtle... only about a foot in diameter, but definitely hooked, and really a fighter. With a dip net, I managed to get it up onto the bank. I was hoping to get as much of the tackle on the line back as I could. That stuff's expensive when your a kid. Anyway, the turtle kept trying to bite at me, so I grabbed a stick the size of Mickey Mantle's bat, and things got ugly for the turtle. I got a lot of stares from people as I was riding my big Schwinn back into town with a turtle clipped in the bookrack on the front. That was the first time I ever had fried turtle. Sorry, Chrystal.
~michael baker
The Magic Company |
Chrystal Inner circle Canada/France 1552 Posts |
Oops too late Michael posted after me and now edit can't fix my typos.
>>applies makeup to red face |
Josh the Superfluous Inner circle The man of 1881 Posts |
Gwyd, You should get together with Plastic Destiny, and become the reptile Sigfried and Roy.
What do you want in a site? "Honesty, integrity and decency." -Mike Doogan
"I hate it, I hate my ironic lovechild. I didn't even have anything to do with it" Josh #2 |
gsidhe Inner circle Michigan 1725 Posts |
Sounds like fun to me!
Just need to make sure it is a different turtle used. Chrystal... Turtle Recall. Heh! I am amused! Gwyd |
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