I got a call a week ago from my mate Nick Bennett from the armed forces family services. "Clive, the Queen's coming to HMS Drake Wardroom on Monday, can you come along for a couple hours and entertain the kids while she meets the families?"

Luckily, I was free Monday afternoon. We agreed on a fee and Monday afternoon I went along to Drake. Basically, I would be entertaining the kids in a room, leaving the Queen free to talk to the wives, etc. I would be there about 3 hours. They said that the Queen would arrive then go to another room where she will meet with the families of the UK Forces that died so far. She would then come into the room where I was to see the kids.

I didn't want the kids running around playing the games when she came in so I timed it so that she would enter during the magic show. She would come in through the door at the back, walk down the side of the kids, and exit through the door near me. They didn't know whether she'd speak to me or not. That was my brief and then I was left to my own devices.

The kids arrived and I started by teaching the kids that when she came in, I'll point to the back where she was going to enter, say "1, 2, 3," and they would all turn round and shout, "Hello your Majesty!" We did a couple games and party dances, then I sat them down for a show.

I was into my 2nd routine when I was informed she was about to come in. Young Oliver, my assistant at the time, was standing there holding a wand in each hand and one under each arm when she entered.
I said, "1, 2, 3," the kids shouted, and the Queen smiled widely. She loved it. But then she just stood there. After a brief pause with all of us, me, the Queen, and her band of followers standing there, I realized she wasn't going to walk down the side. She wanted to watch the kids enjoying themselves. So I said in my best ex-forces manner, "Permission to carry on, Ma'am." She nodded and said, "Of course," and I carried on with the routine. After a couple minutes, she left by the back door.

After the show, when she'd gone and the kids were leaving, my head swelled to mega size as everyone came up praising me and telling me how much she enjoyed it. Last night I went for thank you drinks at the Commodore's house and when I was introduced to people they all said, "Oh you're Emazdad. I've heard of you." I felt like a big star. My website now says I entertained the Queen. Last year I met Prince Charles when he visited.

The night after the Queen's visit there was a great article in the local paper. I got a good write up, they just didn't mention my name. Never mind, I know it was me.

It read:

While inside, they were greeted by a group of 60 elated children who screamed in unison, "Hello your Majesty!" as loud as they could the moment they saw her.
After making their valuable contribution, the children happily switched their gaze back to the children's entertainer who had been laid on as a prudent measure by the canny staff at HMS Drake. (The entertainer asked the Queen for permission to continue before he went on with his routine. Royal protocol continues even at children's parties). The screaming only broadened the famous grin.
One onlooker said, "There was quite a beam on her Majesty's face."

I've been on a high all week. I've bored all my friends here with the story, so I though I'd bore my friends in the Café as well.

WOW! Great story!!

Ken

Great story Clive, - all I get is vulgar soap stars, overpaid footballers and such like!

Well done, - Tony.

WOW!! A royal entertainer in our midst!!

It sounds like you handled the situation like a true pro! I would probably end up imitating Mr Bean!

By roayl appointment - that puts you in the same league as worcestershire sauce, and you know how famous that is!! (Just kidding!)

Congratulations on presenting a show that crosses so many boundaries. Age, colour, class.

Excellent work old chap!

I must say, I'm truly impressed! Congratulations.

Yes, very impressive! Well done!

That's some story! Wow!