We've seen pretty pretty decent (and esoteric) math jokes on the forum, but are there any quality philosophy jokes out there? I've always thought "Why did Dasein cross the road?" was a promising riddle, but I can't find a punch line I like.Anybody?

I'll start with the only one that comes to mind: You can't have your "use" and mention it too.

John

I only know one:

How many Straussians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb remains conspicuous by its absence.

Speaking of "Dasein": the first page or two of Heidegger's Sein Und Zeit is pretty funny in German (though I think he didn't mean it to be). He makes a distinction between (I'm translating untranslatable stuff here) "is" and "issing". To say something "is" is not the same as saying it "isses".

Right.

And lastly, Plato's Republic has a lot of humor in it. After Socrates suggests complete control of all sexuality by the government, he then suggests that--due to an elimination of all gender discrimination--all exercise should be done naked, and with the sexes mixed.

Right. Naked wrestling between men and women, but zero unauthorized procreation.

Well he wrestled naked with boys and--oh yeah, right.

John

Right.

:lol:

Wow, I've got a whole book full of them! Called "Plato and a Platypus walk into a bar... Understanding Philosophy through jokes." Good read!

Descartes walks into a bar.

The bartender walks up to him and says, “Would you care for a drink?”

Descartes replied, “I think not.” and disappears.

-----

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

-----

What do you mean you're a solipsist?

Warning, this is crude and gross, so you may want to skip it.

When I was in college, I told a friend I was taking a philosophy class. He made a face of disgust and told me that...

"Making someone study philosophy is like giving them a choice of sliding down a razor blade five miles long, or sucking on someone's nose till their brains come out."

After taking the class, I kind of agreed with him.

Secretary - Herr Doktor, there's a "ding an sich" in the waiting room.
Urologist - Another "ding an sich"? if I see one more today, I think I'm screaming. Who is it?
Secretary - How would I know?
Urologist - Describe him.
Secretary - You must be kidding

Transcribed, don't blame me. I guess to those in the know, this means something...

The Coopers were shown into the dentists office, where Mr Cooper made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you" said the dentist admiringly, "Now which tooth is it?"
Mr. Cooper turned to his wife, "Open your mouth honey.."

Cough. Choke. Sputter. Wipes a tear from his eye.

Well, well. Philosophy can be funny.

John

A travelling salesman was driving in the country when his car broke down. He hiked several miles to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if there was a place he could stay overnight. "Sure" said the farmer, "my wife died several years ago and my two daughters are twenty one and twenty three but they're off to college and I'm all by myself, so I have lots of room to put you up."
Hearing this, the salesman turned around and started walking back toward the highway.
The farmer called after him, "didn't you hear what I said? I have lots of room."
"I heard you," said the salesman, "but I think I'm in the wrong joke."

What does someone with a philosophy degree say to someone with an engineering degree?
"Would you like fries with that?"

Four philosophers, two forks, two knives - and they say philosopher's don't eat.

"What is mind? no matter.
What is matter? Nevermind."
That jokes so old that Bertrand Russel made fun of it.

After getting his dog and paying for it with a twenty, the Buddhist asks; "Where is my change?"

The hot dog vendor replies; "Change must come from within!"

Because he wanted to be "there."

I also said it on philosophyforums, but Heidegger managed to create the most obfuscating inquiry into everyday life I've ever seen. His 'Being and Time' isn't even readable if you don't know anything about phenomenology or more specifically about Edmund Husserl...

I believe philosophy has been more skillfully satirized then joked about by, for example, people like Aristophanes and Lucian of Samosata.

If a tree falls in the forest and hits a mime, does it make a sound?

-------

Dean, to the physics department. "Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn't you be like the math department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper."

-------

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: ``My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.''

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: ``Do you like potato pancakes?'' She says ``No,'' and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, ``Do you have a brother?'' Again, the girl says ``No'' and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: ``If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?''

-------

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."
So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades...and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?"

Interesting that the math jokes were all "inside" jokes, but many of the philosophy jokes are a) not very philosophical and g) at the expense of philosophers.

John

The world's largest, smartest computer is about to go on line.

It is determined to feed it the first question based on the age old 'Is there a God?' asked by Philosophers for millenia...

The switch is thrown, the question asked...and the computer replies...

"There is now."
---------

2 Gold Fish in a bowl. One says:
"Well...if there is no God, then who changes the water?"

Philosophy: A pursuit where intellectual advancement is based not only on not having the answers, but on being unsure about the applicable questions.

Dr. Lao: ...My specialty is wisdom. Do you know what wisdom is?
Mike: No.
Dr. Lao: Wise answer.

Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding. The cop asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am."