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Steve_Mollett
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And, of course, the Monty Python alcoholic philosopher song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE7Fe1cGLPk
Author of: GARROTE ESCAPES
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.
- Albert Camus
Bill Hallahan
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This was told by Isaac Asimov:
Quote:
University President: Why is it that you physicists always require so much expensive equipment? Now the Department of Mathematics requires nothing but money for paper, pencils, and erasers . . . and the Department of Philosophy is better still. It doesn’t even ask for erasers.
Humans make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to create boredom. Quite astonishing.
- The character of ‘Death’ in the movie "Hogswatch"
ed rhodes
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Quote:
-------

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."
So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades...and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: "What chair?"


The philosphy professor explained to the class that they would have 30 minutes to answer the question on the blackboard and their answer would qualify as 30% of their grade. He then turned the blackboard around the the students saw one word: "Why?"

They sat there staring at the blackboard, their minds blank. Suddenly, two students franticlly wrote something on their papers and turned them in.

When the grades were announced. The two were the only passing grades.

One had answered; "Why not?"
The other; "Because!"
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
landmark
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A philosophy professor doesn't have time to make up the course final, so she puts up the following on the chalkboard:
"Make up a suitable question for a philosophy final and then answer it fully."


Student Smullyan thinks a while and writes the following in his exam booklet:
Q: "Make up a suitable question for a philosophy final and then answer it fully."

A: "Make up a suitable question for a philosophy final and then answer it fully."
LobowolfXXX
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I think Solipsism is the correct philosophy, but that's just one man's opinion.
"Torture doesn't work" lol
Guess they forgot to tell Bill Buckley.

"...as we reason and love, we are able to hope. And hope enables us to resist those things that would enslave us."
foreva.infiniti
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Here's one:
Which came 1st. The chicken or the egg?



I Come from the school of the chicken while it seems a lot of you on here comes from the school of the egg.
Colors are Foreva. Numbers are Infinite. 4 every number there's a color. HEY! Eternity! Lets smoke a beer and drink some loud. But wait! I heard you was a six a plus a 6 ahhhh.
Steve_Mollett
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Whichever came first, was the other left dissatisfied?
Author of: GARROTE ESCAPES
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.
- Albert Camus
foreva.infiniti
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No because everybody knows 1st is the worst and 2nd is the best
Colors are Foreva. Numbers are Infinite. 4 every number there's a color. HEY! Eternity! Lets smoke a beer and drink some loud. But wait! I heard you was a six a plus a 6 ahhhh.
frankvomit
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What do you call a Philosopher the breaks up with his girlfriend? Homeless

what does a long philosophical debate have in common with an uncontrollable fart? you know when they're both coming but there's nothing you can do about it.

what's the difference between a philosopher and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of 4.



These are actually musician jokes but they work great for philosophers as well Smile
S2000magician
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Not a philosophy joke, per se, but certainly an outré story about a philosopher (or, more accurately, a philosophy professor):

As an undergrad I had to take a philosophy course as part of my general ed; I chose Logic, for two reasons:

1. It was the most innocuous of the philosophy courses, and

2. I could get an "A" pretty much without having to open a textbook (or having to go to class).

The first chapter of the textbook - I'm told - discussed philosophers who contributed to the development of Logic. On our first exam, one of the questions asked us to name two philosophers who contributed to the development of Logic, and for what they were best known. One of the philosophers in the textbook was Leibniz, so I listed him and said he was best known for inventing calculus.

The professor marked it wrong.

I protested. If he'd wanted me to write Leibniz' most important (or best known) contribution to Logic, he could have asked for that (and I'd have answered it), but he didn't. I argued that if he walked down to the quad, grabbed ten students at random, and asked them if they'd ever even heard of Leibniz, it would have been in a calculus class.

He wouldn't budge.

He got his comeuppance a few years later when he was convicted of murdering the boyfriend of one of his students. It seems he was smitten with this student, stalked her, was hiding in the bushes outside her dorm room one even when her boyfriend left, and shot the boyfriend.

Karma's a . . . well . . . you know.
Bob1Dog
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Quote:
On 2013-07-17 17:28, foreva.infiniti wrote:
Here's one:
Which came 1st. The chicken or the egg?
I Come from the school of the chicken while it seems a lot of you on here comes from the school of the egg.

What'd you do, choke it?
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
foreva.infiniti
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I don't get the reference..... Oh! A !@#$%^&*()_+ joke. hahahahaha
Colors are Foreva. Numbers are Infinite. 4 every number there's a color. HEY! Eternity! Lets smoke a beer and drink some loud. But wait! I heard you was a six a plus a 6 ahhhh.
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