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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Statements that make you go..."Huh?" (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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MagiClyde
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Columbus, Ohio
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I was looking up the definition for the words Elegy and Eulogy. While doing so, I came across this definition for Eulogy that had me going "What the...???":

"A memorial speech given in memory of someone who has died at a funeral or memorial service."

I know that the intent was to state that a eulogy is a memorial speech given at a funeral for someone who has died, but the intention and the actual statement are two entirely different things.

Has anyone else run across a definition or statement that, read AS IS, says something far different from the intended message?

P.S. I read that definition and laughed so hard, my sides ached!
Magic! The quicker picker-upper!
daffydoug
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Eternal Order
Look mom! I've got
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So if I am understanding this correctly, the definition should have read "A memorial speech given at a funeral or memorial service in memory of some one who has died"

??

Am I correct?
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
MagiClyde
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Columbus, Ohio
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Correct! But that's NOT exactly what it says! Smile
Magic! The quicker picker-upper!
Steve_Mollett
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Eh, so I've made
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One of my favorite newspaper headline bloopers was:

"Barbecue of Senior Citizens a Big Success; to be an Annual Event."

In a TV news interview, the mayor of a town attempting to ban gay schoolteachers commented:

"Homosexuality leaves a bad taste in people's mouths!"
Author of: GARROTE ESCAPES
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.
- Albert Camus
Bob Clayton
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More funny headlines:

“Kicking Baby Considered to Be Healthy”

“Prostitutes Appeal to Pope”
Greg Arce
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All time favorite: "Headless Body Found in Topless Bar."

Greg
One of my favorite quotes: "A critic is a legless man who teaches running."
kcg5
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who wants four fried chickens and a coke
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Look up the book "eats shoots and leaves"
Nobody expects the spanish inquisition!!!!!



"History will be kind to me, as I intend to write it"- Sir Winston Churchill
MagiClyde
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Columbus, Ohio
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Richard Lederer has a several different books out with equally funny headlines, called the "Anguished English" series. Absolutely hilarious!

I will also miss Jay Leno and his take on ads, headlines, and announcements in newpapers that were just plain wrong!
Magic! The quicker picker-upper!
RS1963
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The Las Vegas Review Journal a few years back printed an article with the headline. "Officer shoots man with knife" My mom once seen an ad in same paper about a pubic auction
Turk
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Portland, OR
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Jay Leno "Headlines". A true TV classic.

You can buy the books on Amazon. see: http://www.amazon.com/Jay-Lenos-Headline......9&sr=8-8

(Note that there are more than three books in the series.)
Magic is a vanishing Art.

This must not be Kansas anymore, Toto.

Eschew obfuscation.
Scott Cram
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There's a mall here in Vegas that shuts and locks some of its doors when high winds come up.

To notify people that some doors are locked, they put signs up that say, "Due to high winds, please use this door", and they have an arrow pointing to the door next to it.

Because of the way the sign says "please use THIS door", many people try and open the locked door. I've always thought it should read, "please use THAT door".
daffydoug
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Or
"Please use the door to which the arrow points"
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
LobowolfXXX
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La Famiglia
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At the risk of getting too political (I can't help it...two of my all-time favorites happened to be political; I didn't plan it):

"Why does it have to come from the taxpayers? Why can't the government pay for it!?"

and

"I've been here illegally for almost 20 years, and I want justice!"
"Torture doesn't work" lol
Guess they forgot to tell Bill Buckley.

"...as we reason and love, we are able to hope. And hope enables us to resist those things that would enslave us."
Jonathan Townsend
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Ossining, NY
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Read the ad for Crushed

http://www.artisticstreetmagic.com

Quote:
You show a can of your favorite soda(Coke). You hide the can behind your hand. With "No Funny Moves", the can completely materializes into particles smaller that an atom! This is absolutely the most imposible vannish to date!

The whole can completly vanishes, and you are completly naked!


That last line especially.
...to all the coins I've dropped here
asithlord
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johnathan townsends daily hobbie is
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Some from the doctors notes,
"has no history of suicide"
"suffered constipation since she got married"
Steve_Mollett
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Eh, so I've made
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English sign in a Thailand hotel:

"Guests are encouraged to take advantage of the chambermaid."
Author of: GARROTE ESCAPES
The absurd is the essential concept and the first truth.
- Albert Camus
Scott Cram
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Quote:
On 2009-06-16 18:37, asithlord wrote:
Some from the doctors notes,
"has no history of suicide"
"suffered constipation since she got married"


Oh, don't get me started on the way doctors talk:

"She has had multiple medical problems either related or not related to her diabetes."

"Left toe amputation, unchanged."

History of Illness: "He does occasionally have slurred speech. It always seems to be associated with alcohol intake. He states that his wife has noted that he has 2-3 beers, then his wife notes some slurring of speech. He does not have the slurring of speech at any other time."

"The patient describes having vomiting almost on a daily basis, especially after several hours of eating."
ClintonMagus
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Funny Church Bulletin Mistakes/Typos.

1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

2. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

4. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

5. Don't let worry kill you off -- let the Church help.

6. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

7. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

8. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

9. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

12. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

13. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

14. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM -- prayer and medication to follow.

17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

23. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.
Things are more like they are today than they've ever been before...
JRob
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Don't forget the Kurt Gowdy classic, "These young Baltimore Colts have their futures in front of them."
"Jim Roberts, AKA: Professor Jay Rob "<br>
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Mr. Mystoffelees
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I haven't changed anyone's opinion in
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O'm kauginf roo harf to tupe.......
Also known, when doing rope magic, as "Cordini"
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