And my wife and I are seperating with repair not looking good. I don't know what else to say but posting this around has helped a bit.... I am numb today.

Sorry to read this, x-treem.

As a suggestion? Maybe both of you could reach out to your local Priest/Reverend, before the separation?


Hope something changes for the better.

Sixten

Hang in there buddy, I'll be praying for you.



Remember Packers Game Sunday.

Sorry to hear about that. I hope for the best for you and your children whatever the outcome.

Jack

PM'ing you, buddy.

Sixten: I want to try and get help, she does not, said if she went it would only be a half hearted attempt.

Jeff: Thanks buddy, not sure if I'll watch it will be the first game without my family, don't know if even they can help, unless the super bowl were tomorrow and they won

Landmark: The oldest is 11 and my step child. I was at the hospital the day he was born (not in the room), his mom and I married a year and a half later. He sees his dad who is a good father but I have been there everyday and am what he knows as a parent.

I am afraid I will lose him. I have no rights to see him if she does not let me. I can only assume I can live without the one time love of my life... but without both of the kids it would be hard.


Thank you so much guys.

X-treem:

Sometimes you never know until it's tried?
Half-hearted is a lot better than nothing.
If it fails, at least you know you gave it a shot.

Just trying to be supportive.

Sixten

What I'll say publicly (rather than in a PM) is this: separations can and do sometimes work. Only time and circumstances will tell.

But separation most definitely does not automatically mean the end of a marriage.

Jeff is right!

My wife and I split at around the 14-15 year mark for 20 months and got back together shortly before our 17th anniversary! We have been rockin along for the past 10 years!

I sought out counseling on my own and she on hers and we worked on ourselves first, then US!

Whichever way it goes, be sure to take care of YOU first and foremost cuz without out a sane and solid YOU there can't be a stable US!

MMc

My father split from his first wife for over 40 years then got back together, she still complains.

One thing I have to say to both of you, and I don't care who did or does what, that for the kids you MUST be civil to each other at least when they are within five miles of you. Seperation ends the nonsense that went on in the marriage and to carry it on afterward is a waste of energy and the couple might as well stayed together. So do not fight, argue, say bad stuff, get loud, none of that and it goes for the wife as well. The kids have a bad enough time w/out that added burdon and the shift must be to be respectful of their lil' feelings and, to be blunt, you and the wife have to shelve any hard feelings. Sorry it didn't work out. Say....since you are single, you interested in a nagging 50 year old woman who knows me well?

Thanks to all. I am going to follow Stone's PM advice and follow it up with MMC and sixten's.

I love older women Santa (my wife is the youngest "older lady" I've been with, only six months seperates us) but I am swearing off women. If this does not work out I do not have the strength to do these 10 years over again with someone new. So your stuck with her... sorry.

I wrote this this morning:

I stand before the world shattered and humbled beyond belief. The light at the end of the tunnel is missing but I can find it if I keep searching. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat… There has to be something better than this. Up is hopefully a step away.

X - I am sorry to hear this. Your in my thoughts and prayers. I hope it all works out. While it'll seem clich'e, remember: "This too shall pass" because it shall. Regardless of the outcome you WILL be OK in the end.

"I'm swearing off women"? Good grief Sean...that's the opposite of the cure! You don't have to chase but you can remain ready in case one roars up in a Mustang.

Like Santa said stay level headed with the former lady and not just for the kids sake either. Much of the trauma and turmoil comes from feeling sorry for oneself. A good pair of bootstraps and solid grounding can solve that...and DISTANCE...plus an eye out for the Mustang.

Call me if you need to talk to an old friend with LOTS of experience.

Never say, "Never again."
Life is a chess game; one piece moves and the whole board changes.

I hope it works out for you.

I have a friend who was married to his wife for almost thirty years when they divorced. Following the divorce, they kept going to dinner, vacations, movies, shows, etc. together, and not "just for the kids", because they were all grown and gone.

His comment - "We are best friends, just not when we were married..."

Taking yourself out of the game for now ain't a bad plan but never say never!

We can get all macho and say "go get em, have a friend with benefits, play the field" etc etc. but the facts is, you are NOT emotionally able at this time to "play"! A) What could you bring to the party (new relationship) when the wounds are still open and fresh? B) Chances are very good that you will latch on to the first willing participant (rebound) and from what I've observed with my buddies is they rarely if ever work out and the hurt is now compounded!

Hang tuff my friend,

MMc

I know how you feel. March, 22, 2009 my wife of 12 years passed away. I speak from experience when I say, give it time, it will get better.

Bill