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Harry the Clown
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I need some help! I have read a lot of puppet and joke books to find funny nursery rhymes and jokes I can use with my bird puppet, but it's like looking for gold! Can you please help!!!
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Profile of knockknocktheclown
hmmm. Just playing around and brain storming.

Short skit:

Human, "Say polly want a cracker"
bird, no response
Human, "say polly want a cracker"
Bird looks at human and says nothing.
Human explains the bird must not know how to talk.
Bird says "polly wants a cheeseburger"
Human explains that birds don't eat cheeseburgers.
Bird explians he is part buzzard and part canary, or the bird could go into inflation that a cracker is not worth even speaking for. You know the bird is big time now.

Just thought I'd put a little thought here.
As for a rhyme, sorry nothing comes to mind.
Harry the Clown
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Here is one funny nursery rhyme I use.

Roses are red
Violets in a bunch
look up your nose
there goes your lunch

Please add your puppet jokes and nursery rhymes HERE as it would be great to have your input!!!

:wavey: Smile Smile Smile Smile
Brett Cantrell
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Valdosta, Georgia
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It might be worth dropping Steve Axtell a line. You might find some material on his Axtell Expressions website or he might be able to refer you to some good material. I can dig up his email for you if you need.

Harry the Clown
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Does anyone have any good puppet jokes?
Another one I use is:

I ask my bird puppet, "What's it like being a bird?"

He says, "What's it like being ugly?"

I then ask my puppet to say sorry but he says, "I'm sorry you're ugly."

This gets a good laugh!!! Smile
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Here's a joke that I turned into a rhyme/song which you might be able to use:

"Build me a nest in a tree so high
to hide when the cold wind blows,
and a bird in hand is not much use
if you've got to blow your nose!"

You can sing it to a My Bonnie lies over the ocean sort of tune or just recite it.

My wife's working out a new routine with a crow puppet that she customised from a store-bought puppet, so I'm busy brainstorming stuff for her. You can try these, if they're of any use:

"Mary had a little bird
that sat upon her shoulder,
and lots of stains all down her back
but no-one ever told her!"

"Sing a song of sixpence, a pocketful of rye, 4 and 20 blackbirds ate up all the pie.
The king was very angry, he shouted 'where's my pie?',
so 4 and 20 blackbirds pooped in his eye!"

Or "pecked out his eye", if you prefer violence to birdily functions.

"Down in the cornfield
eating all the grain,
roost all night on the scarecrow,
then start over again."

Then I remembered this traditional verse:

"Seagulls they fly high over Mobile,
Seagulls they fly high over Mobile,
Seagulls they fly high
and they poop right in your eye,
thank God that cows don't fly over Mobile!"

I imagine you can re-specie and re-locate to suit yourself.

He asked me if I liked card tricks. I said "No." He did three. (W. Somerset Maugham)
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Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

Thanks MiNiM:

I own Vern The Bird and that will make some great material to add.

Your wife is very lucky to have someone with such creativity. Your sense of humor is right up the alley of the market I usually play to, 8 to 11 year old boys.

Magical Pirate
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Harry the Clown
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I get "Dazzle the Dick" to say hello to the children,
He says, "Hello girls and monkies".
I say to him, "say it properly", He says, "say it properly".
......He says, "Hello girls and sausages".
No I say to Dazzle, "the Mum of the house told me all these children are lovely little...
Dazzle says, Toads!

Love to get some more jokes and fun stuff for our vents!

Do you think these kids will remember me tomorrow?
Will they remember me next week?
What about next month?
Next year?

Knock Knock
Who’s there!!!
You see!!! They forgot me already
Chuck Lyons
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Maher studios in Colorado has several books with routines in them of the late Bill Boley called fractured nursery rhymes and freddies fables, as well many routine books that may fit the bill for what you are looking for. Thier website is at: . I hope you find this helpful. Chuck Lyons
Harry the Clown
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Hi Chuck Lyons!
Good to get your feed-back!
Like I said at the start of this forum I have read a lot of books and you might only find one funny line to use in your own vent routine! I was really hoping this forum would make people share a joke, a rhyme, a one-liner which can be used with a puppet, But it hasn't really happened to the way I would like!
So please roll out your funny puppet one-liner, etc!!

Knock, knock
Who is there?
Police who?
Police to meet you!!

Me again!
Love to read some more jokes and oneliners you use with your puppet!
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Harris Deutsch
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The best lines will be developed by you and your audience.

Try playing with nursery rhymes and saying the wrong name, color, animal......

I practice and develop a lot in my car during the 30 minute drive to work.

Somethings I even remember long enough to write them down.

Parodies are fun in song(I grew up on Alan Sherman records) ...who said something about me growingggg up????

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
and Jill checked there HMO.

I used the above one at a recent Plenary Presentation for Case Managers Society of America's Convention. (Attended by Doctors, Nurses, Social Worker, Home Health agencies.....)

Be safe, well and creative.

Harris Deutsch aka dr laugh
music, magic and marvelous toys
Harry the Clown
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love to hear some funny bits please!
This post is like milking a mouse!

If your puppet is going to sing happy birthday to the birthday chidren. It funny song this way. (It's an oldy but a goody)

Happy Birthday to you
you were born in the zoo
you smell like a monkey
and you look like one too!

Everyone laughs and so does the birthday child because they have heard it before. Then you get everyone to sing it rightly and then all the special attention is on the birthday child!

Please don't just read this post, add to it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Mary had a little lamb
Johnny had a pup
Sara had an alligator
That ate the others up!

-Bill Boley (I think)

Neale Bacon
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Little Miss Muffet
Sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And she ate that too

or - And crushed the little critter with her spoon

Mary, Mary
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells
and cockle shells
and one stupid turnip

From my own warped childhood Smile
Neale Bacon and his Crazy Critters
Burnaby BC
Canada's Favourite Family Ventriloquist
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I haven't done it in years, but if you get a good "Dr Seuss" library and read it alot, eventually you will begin thinking in silly rhymes.

Which is GREAT.

At one time, I made up an anniversary toast for my parents using Seussian Poetry. Unfortuneately I am sadly out of practice, but intend on rectifying this matter immediately.

Steve Smile
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I know a few versions of nursery rhymes, but none that can be printed here or used with kids. The idea of the Seussian poetry sounds super though. and the idea of the doing nursery rhymes in a mixed up way should go well for the little tykes. Thanks for the thoughts.
Braxton Mannar
<BR>Just an old dog trying to learn new tricks Smile
Doug Higley
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Doug: And now here's Stanley with the News...

Stanley: Jack and Jill went up the hill
to fetch a pail of water...

(long pause)

Doug: And?

Stanley: And what?

Doug: What comes next?

Stanley: How should I know! Did I say Jack and Jill and Stanley went up the hill?

Doug: they went up to fetch a pail of water and...

Stanley: Well...I assume they went down the other side.

Doug: Why do you assume that?

Stanley: 'Cause they didn't come back down where I was standing!

Doug: You were there?

Stanley: Of course...I only report the News I know is true...
In other news...President Bush ate Fried Chicken and Meat Balls today...

Doug: Wait a do you know that?

Stanley: I was there of course.

Doug: You were at the White House?

Stanley: I was.

Doug: I happen to know you were right here today, not some place else!

Stanley: I can prove I was someplace else.

Doug: Go ahead...

Stanley: Was I in Paris?

Doug: No...

Stanley: Was I in Florida?

Doug: NO...

Stanley: So If I wasn't in Paris and I wasn't in Florida you must agree I was someplace else?

Doug: Yes of course!

Stanley: President Bush ate Fried Chicken and Meatballs today....


Sorry...I felt like typing...Smile
I love writing vent...
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
Harry the Clown
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Thanks Doug! Keep writing!!!

Another line I use with my puppet!

Harry: Dazzle what comes into your mind when you see a bald man?
Dazzle: Hair today - Got tomorrow!


Harry: Haven't we got a good looking crowd today?
Dazzle: Yes, they all look ship shape to me. Maybe they would like to hear some sea jokes?
Harry: Oh boy, look out folks - man over board!
Dazzle Did you hear about the fight in the fish and chip shop?
Harry: No, what happened?
Dazzle: A lot of fish got battered!
Harry: Well I have one for you. What do sea monsters eat?
Dazzle: I don't know tell me.
Harry: Fish and ships!
Dazzle: Ok! What lies on the bottom of the sea and shivers?
Harry: I give in. What?
A nervous Wreck! ......

I have always wanted to come with a script using pick-up lines (the cleans ones) there is heaps on the net.
Doug Higley
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Thanks Harry. It's good therapy. Smile

Anybody wants to post a situation...I'll try and come up with an original dialog for it. Fun fun fun! It might suck but I'll give it a whirl.
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
Harry the Clown
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Doug I mainly use my puppet when I am entertaining at a birthday party!
So my situation would be the around the Birthday Child!

Thanks Doug!!
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