I thought it would be fun to hear how you would finish that sentence. We all have hear magicians say things like "I have a normal deck of cards" as he takes it from his pocket. So what would a magician say that would make you crying?

For me it is

1) Let me show you a trick (I don't want to see a "Trick" I want to see magic!)
2) normal deck of cards (If you brought it, it is more than likely not normal and I may question if it really is a deck of cards!)
3) when I was a young boy (This one because it will be a long story and a short trick)

So, anyone else want to chime in on this one?

I am going to put these silks in the change bag

"Can I use that Routine of yours? What do you mean I have to pay?"

Haha that's great . I'd just laugh screaming if I were to hear that live

"Do you like magic?"

Did anyone at this table lose a red pocketknife? How about a white one?

"I will actually take this dollar bill and actually place it in my hand where I will actually vanish it and then actually make it reappear."

Enough with the Actually.

Lol yeah I hate it when magicians tell EXACTLY what they are going to do for the whole trick. that's annoying.

It's called "Expository Magic" - 95% dull.

Cheers.

"What I want you to do is this."
"Do me a favour and ...."

The use of the term "silk" all by itself would still fall into this category.

To every human except magicians "silk" is an adjective and not a noun. Only magicians call it a silk. The audience would call it a handkerchief or a scarf. More importantly, they'd think the performer wasn't too bright calling it a "silk." Think of it this way: I don't wear a "cotton." I wear a shirt.

"Did you see Criss Angel do that thing where he...? He's so good!"

I cry inside every time I hear that from A Magician, a layperson I can understand, but from a Magician...

"This trick goes all the way back to Ancient Egypt..."

What if you're living in Egypt?

Don't know if anyone has put this yet, but when the ads always say. This effect is only limited by your imagination!!!

I'm gonna vanish a rabbit
What's this behind your ear
Now look in your back pocket
Whoa do you see me floating

I hate it when after having a card signed then placed in the middle of the deck for an ambitious card routine, the magician goes into over-proving that the card is not at the top or bottom before the trick has started. You're just setting up at the beginning of the trick that you're going to be really sneaky and their job is to catch you. The "it's not on top, and it's not on the bottom. It's somewhere in the middle." If a spectator is paying any attention that explanation is redundant before the trick has even started. Until the trick has started they have no reason to doubt you.
The way I present it is instead I say,"Because you signed the card, it's the only one like it in the world. And because it's the only one like it, if I place it in the middle, there's no way it could still be on top. But if I snap my fingers, it jumps to the top."
One version insults the intelligence of the spectator while raising suspicion before the trick starts. The other sets up the conditions of the trick while giving a last minute peek at the top card.

Anything that insults the intelligence or arouses unnecessary suspicion.

Solid metal rings
Have we ever met before?
Empty (anything, e.g. cup, box, bag)
Normal (anything)
Watch the (anything)
There is no way I could have known...

Also, tedious stories along the 'in ancient china', 'my grandfather gave me', 'once upon a time' kind of line. Lycra, dancing, mullets and dry ice are also ways to get me rushing for the bar.

"And now for my next trick..."

And that trick was called....
It just ruins it if you tell them what it's called. Then they KNOW it's not magic, just some old trick.