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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Performance Puns (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

funsway
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old things in new ways - new things in old ways
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Here are a few pun phrases that one might have occasion to use in magic performance

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.


Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.


Practice safe eating - always use condiments.


Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.


A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.


A hangover is the wrath of grapes.


Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.


Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?


Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.


Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.


When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.


A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.


What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)


Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.


In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.


She was en gaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.


A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.


If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.


With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.


The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.


You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.


Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.


Every calendar's days are numbered.


A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.


A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.


He had a photographic memory that was never developed.


A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.


Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.


Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.


Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.


Acupuncture is a jab well done.
"the more one pretends at magic, the more awe and wonder will be found in real life." Arnold Furst

eBooks at https://www.lybrary.com/ken-muller-m-579928.html questions at ken@eversway.com
Jonathan Townsend
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I was going to post a Spooner about Lewis Carolls but could not even get one note out this morning.
...to all the coins I've dropped here
Al Angello
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You can call it performance puns if you like, but I like to call it meaningless babble. When a magician mumbles stupid crap out of the side of his mouth during his show he is only entertaining himself. Puns are what lay people hate about magic shows. If you are going to try to be funny write some real comedy one liners, or learn to work silently PLEASE
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com
http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
Dreadnought
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I like some of those. I can definitely use, "Does the name Pavlov ring a bell."

Thanks.

Peace and Godspeed.
Peace

"Ave Maria gratia plena Dominus tecum..."

Scott

Would you do anything for the person you love?
ed rhodes
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Quote:
On 2010-06-25 07:00, funsway wrote:
Here are a few pun phrases that one might have occasion to use in magic performance

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.


It's rare to see a medium who's seance is well done
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
stoneunhinged
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I very much enjoy puns when reading them.

But I gotta go with Al on this one: for entertainers (heck, for nearly all public speakers, like priests, preachers, and pickle pitchers) the pun is deadly. People don't laugh, they groan. A few might smile. But belly laughs? NEVER>
gsidhe
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It's the reaction to the groan where you can get the comedy, not the actual pun itself.
They can be pulled off successfully, but it ain't easy.
Gwyd
Al Angello
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I think that puns (patter) is absolutely the worst form of immitation humor. Guys if your audience is groaning at your jokes it is because your jokes STINK.
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com
http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
TomKMagic
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I tripped over
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Aldo Colombini has been pretty successful with using puns and one liners like these. There's a few others that can get away with it.

Not sure if I will use all of these, but I do like many of them.
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
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funsway
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old things in new ways - new things in old ways
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Part of me agrees with AL as my character would not be consistent with forced humor of any kind -- but sometimes puns are spontaneous and situational -- and well received. I remember when Victor Borge accidentally swallowed a moth on stage, broke into a grin and said, "Fast food." -- and brought the house down.

I offer these puns and just as I offer stories and poems -- if something fits your character, use it -- if not, find something better. Either way such things should be inspirational to your own creative spirit. If reading a joke or pun to yourself before going on stage puts a smile on your face it is just part of the magic.
"the more one pretends at magic, the more awe and wonder will be found in real life." Arnold Furst

eBooks at https://www.lybrary.com/ken-muller-m-579928.html questions at ken@eversway.com
Magnus Eisengrim
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Quote:
On 2010-06-25 19:11, Al Angello wrote:
I think that puns (patter) is absolutely the worst form of immitation humor. Guys if your audience is groaning at your jokes it is because your jokes STINK.


And this, of course, is why Shakespeare sucks. Smile

As Sam Johnson said of the boy, the pun "was to him the fatal. Cleopatra for which he lost the world, and was content to lose it.” Let that be a lesson to us all.

John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
tommy
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The Pun Generator
For all Instant pun fun!
(0) [vote for, against]

This idea is a small, pocket sized dictionary based output device. The device has three basic functions. The first function is simply a definition based function, just type in a word and the device will list all the possible definitions. This basic thesaurus idea will allow budding, yet foolish journalists to allow their imagination to create the pun.
The second function would list the chosen word in a possible sentence with the word either in or out of context.

The third major function is the one that will break down the word into the phonemes and use the syllabic sound for each of these phonemes and find a word with a similar syllabic sound. So, for example, take the word 'Beckham' which can be broken down into 'Beck' and 'ham'. The pun generator would take the word 'beck' and find similar mono-syllabic sounding words or phonemes eg. deck. Which when put in the word would create David Deckham for use with a relevant story eg. The boot throwing by Alex Ferguson. This would not only increase the quality of newspapers, but would theoretically help newspapers everywhere as the comedic value of each headline would double instantly.

Take 'The Sun', as they mainly use pun related headlines such as 'Im a liability, get me out of here!'. This would eliminate the need for useless freelancer journalists whose only use is to create these headlines, yet they cost a lot of money to hire. The money saved by newspapers by not having to hire these parasitic freelancers could be used by cutting the cost of the newspaper. For example, if 10p was cut off daily, then 70p a week and £36.40 a year would be saved!! This money could be put towards more useful purchases, such as healthier food for children, helping them grow into world-class atheletes.

— Liam The Baker, May 22 2003

http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/The_20Pun_20Generator


How come Liam The Baker got no votes?
If there is a single truth about Magic, it is that nothing on earth so efficiently evades it.

Tommy
Al Angello
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John
William Shakespeare was not a cheesy magician. I see no comparison between a well written joke, and a magician mumbling irrelevant cliches out of the side of his mouth for a whole show. My show is full of well written one liners, and I tell no groaners. I'm sorry to be so disagreeable, but I started out as a stand up comedian so that I could be a funnier magician.
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com
http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
Magnus Eisengrim
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You know Al, there might be a funny bit in this. What if Shakespeare were a magician?

Perhaps something like Shakespearean Baseball

John
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
daffydoug
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Look mom! I've got
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Quote:
On 2010-06-25 15:15, gsidhe wrote:
It's the reaction to the groan where you can get the comedy, not the actual pun itself.
They can be pulled off successfully, but it ain't easy.
Gwyd


Puns are easy to pull off. I think the secret is not taking yourself seriously when you crack a pun, and getting it across to your audience (maybe by your facial expression) that you are not.
The difficult must become easy, the easy beautiful and the beautiful magical.
Al Angello
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You can use puns if they fit, but a good one liner is far more likely to get a real laugh. IMHO
Al Angello The Comic Juggler/Magician
http://www.juggleral.com
http://home.comcast.net/~juggleral/
"Footprints on your ceiling are almost gone"
Destiny
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Victor Borge's line was funny but even more important Victor Borge was funny - everything the man said was funny - and we know he didn't go onstage with that line jotted on the back of his hand - nor did he find it in a book called 101 Puns, Be The Life of the Party... Be Prepared with a Quip for Every Occasion.

I always avoid anything I am assured will be easy to pull off for fear of looking like a w****r.
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