After a card fountain or if you bump a table and drop several items, bend over to retrieve them, "This is where my act is picking up."

When you drop something, "Brought to you by Maxwell House. Good to the last drop." Sometimes it's fun to be clumsy.

Cheers...

If you are doing a kid's party and a self-working trick or mechanical trick (like Card in Frame) doesn't work then you could say something like, "There isn't enough magical aura in the room, we have to go on to a different trick now." The kids will believe anything.

Ha, my thing to say as I'm doing a routine which involves a spectator (sponge balls) is having the spectator make a "magical" pass over my hand and site the incantation of, "Woogie woogie woogie." It usually gets a laugh.

Then I continue the multiplying routine. Have them do it again, "Woogie woogie woogie." They say it. I then say, "Now wait, say it backwards but put more emphasis on the 'oo' going into the 'g'."

It gets a laugh. Kinda stupid but it works.

Guys, check out Giobbi's chapter on humor in Card College 5 (last chapter). It's full of jokes and one-liners! The good thing is, that is it well organized!

Shahin

Please tell me that no one actually USES most of the lines mentioned here!

The bottom line remains: Humor in a routine must come OUT of the routine; it can't be grafted onto it.

BTW, submagi, you say you have a line that you "picked up" from the Amazing Jonathan. Did he actually give you permission to use part of his material or was the line stolen?

Do we have an ethical issue here?

Come one you guys. Never insult a spectator! Even if you're kidding!

People are smart. They know when you're using canned crap...I mean patter. Leave it in the can.

"Could you tell my wife then?"

Yeah, you wouldn't want to push the envelope, or do the unexpected, or anything like that. Have you ever seen Don Rickles or magician Gazzo? These guys thrive on insults, and their audiences LOVE them for it. As long as the majority of the audience is laughing and having a good time, you are doing your job.

Well, sometimes. Maybe. Rodney Dangerfield used to do an "insult" act until one night he picked on the wrong guys. They waited for him after the show and almost put him in hospital. He changed his act, needless to say.

So you have to be very, very careful if you are going to do that. Very, very few people are good enough to carry it off. And even those who are usually have more sense than to do it!

(<-- See what I mean?)

Magic friends,

Here are a couple of one-liners for you that I use in my act and have for years. I did not steal them, I got them from many different sources which I either paid for or got the permission for, some I made up from just performing. Well here it goes:

1. Magician stands on the left side of the stage, "Thank you, it's great to be here." Magician walks to the right side of the stage. "It's even better over here!"
2. After applause, "If that's all you have, save it!"
3. After single applause, "Don't clap on your own or I will have to throw you a fish."
4. To person with their arms folded, "Look, a bouncer from Toys R Us."
5. In change bag routine as you unzip the bottom of the bag, "Look the bag is so empty I can open the bottom...Not my bottom, the bottom of the bag!"
6. If children have seen a trick before, "Hands up if you have seen this before? Hands up if you want to see it again!"
7. If a trick goes wrong, "It's the first day with my new hands."
8. "Look, nothing up my sleaves...Except my arms!"
9. In warm up say to children, "Hands up if you have your arms folded."
10. In warm up say to the kids, "Hands up if you will give me your mums' and dads' Visa card numbers and expiry dates."

I know loads so if you would like to post more so will I.

Matthew Johnson

I use

Is this your wife or are you out for a good time?

and the one I usually open up with is

I did a show in a old people home the other day don't know if it was any good but they wet themselves anyway.

Before I throw a ball out into the audience for the purpose of randomly selecting someone, I instruct whoever catches the ball to hand it off to the nearest or best looking person they see.

If a man comes up on stage, I say "Hmmm, I see they went with the nearest one."

Avi