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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Spanking (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Carrie Sue
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1. Blur the distinctions: "Spanking is not beating, but they're both still hitting, the use of physical force against another."
2. Set up an exception: "Hitting or using force against children should not be permitted.
3. Declare an absolute: "Spanking is always wrong and those who do it are abusing their children and should definitely lose their parental rights and maybe serve time."

This is what we're coming to in America. We've got to reclaim the language and stop the confusion of #1 so we don't buy the lie of #2 and suffer the consequences of #3, punishing good parents for being good parents.

Carrie
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abc
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I ALWAYS disagree with Carrie, but in this instance I feel like I have to agree. It annoys me that people are being treated like they assault their children if they spank them. Why does it have to be black and white? If someone beats their child into submission or burn them with cigarettes or expose them to other forms of abuse, sentence them to death, but most people are against that also.
Parenting is not a job. You can not get training and then quit if you don't like it. It is a lifelong commitment to the well being of another individual(s) that is a lot harder than those sitting in their ivory towers can imagine. Maybe they should come down to the real world a little.
My take on spanking. I am against hitting a child as it communicates the wrong message in my opinion. I have posted before that I have done it twice. In both instances, I did bot have the time to negotiate or guide the behavior. I needed an immediate reaction.
Now, if someone attacks your family and you actually have the ability to hit them, would you? or would your moral values allow them to endanger your family?
There is a big differences between spanking and hitting, but we are just reasoning in circles here.
Slide
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I would say, in my opinion, until you have kids of your own you have no idea what it is like to raise kids.

I spanked my kids. When my son was about 2 he bit a kid in the playground. He got spanked and he never bit a kid again. When he was about 5 I was going to spank him but the look of terror in his eyes made me stop, and I told him right then and there I would never spank him again and I never did. I probably spanked my son 2 or 3 times in his life but only when he caused pain to someone else. My daughter, only once that I can remember. Certain behaviors like biting need to be stopped immediately. Spanking does that.

But my kids would never be spanked just cause they were acting out or driving me crazy.

Of course none of this prepared me for the teen years. Those who know....know.
Carrie Sue
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Bill, this is the point precisely. Thank you.

This is a nuance here. The parent must display anger to the child, but the parent must never truly BE angry. To be angry is to be out of control, and the parent must be in control inside to correct the child and show him what it is like to be controlled inside.

Like the family member I described earlier. He was not angry, but he was going to make his son learn the lesson that you listen to Dad always. The spanking was the essential tool to teach that lesson.

Once your son was spanked, he knew that he didn't like it and he'd better obey so that didn't happen again. Which is what you want.

Spanking is a very limited discipline tool, but it needs to be in the toolbox.

Carrie
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acesover
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Quote:
On 2011-06-23 08:17, gdw wrote:
Quote:
On 2011-06-23 00:06, acesover wrote:
Quote:
On 2011-06-22 23:42, gdw wrote:
I can certainly see a difference between what many consider spanking, and beating, but both still involve hitting, and that is where my objection lies.


There is where our differences lie. I do not believe that the word "hitting" would be used in defining spanking.

Hitting conjures a different image in the mind than spanking as does beating. If I "hit" a child several times I did not spank him or her.

If you think I am wrong try saying in court that you hit a child as opposed to gave them a spanking. If you were on trial would you want to be known as someone who hits their children or gives them a spanking? The words definitely convey different images so please do not say spanking involves hitting. That is just not true as I have said repeatedly hitting invokes a different image completely than spanking. Definitely not interchangable not even close.


You are correct that the words invoke different images. That simply shows that culturally we have come to accept the use of the euphemism "spanking." It does not change the fact that it IS still hitting.


Are you then telling me that spanking is "soft hitting"? Spanking sends a message whereas hitting when done by an adult is done to inflict pain and injury. The two are not related in any way. However if you see it that way that is entirely your business.

As many have said here before we agree to disagree. Well I disagree with you and you with me. Amen to that. It is not the end of the world.
If I were to agree with you. Then we would both be wrong. As of Apr 5, 2015 10:26 pm I have 880 posts. Used to have over 1,000
Dannydoyle
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Quote:
On 2011-06-22 16:08, Magnus Eisengrim wrote:
"Time out" is an interesting modern development. The theory is that when a child old enough to contemplate such matters loses his/her composure, they should be given a quiet place and time to collect her/himself so that constructive action can be negotiated.

Time out is a VERY bad idea for children too young or immature to think through the situation, and it is very badly used as a punishment.

But guess how it's most often used...

John


"Time Out" worked very well to curb bad behavior in hockey didn't it?
Danny Doyle
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<BR>In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act....George Orwell
Dannydoyle
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How long before this degrades into Googleing some crap to support ones point of view, a call of Nazi and everyone leaving?
Danny Doyle
<BR>Semper Occultus
<BR>In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act....George Orwell
critter
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"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
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Ray Chelt
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Agree you should never hit a child in anger

My kids probably got a slap once or twice when they were growing up because in my experience every child pushes and pushes to find the boundaries and, whilst I can't say I was ever easy with it, I have to confess I worried more about them thinking that there were no repercussions no matter how hard they pushed.

Lets face it , if you don't educate them that they can't have everything their own way then they are going to get a much tougher lesson off somebody out in the real world one day when you aren't there to protect them.
Magnus Eisengrim
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Quote:
On 2011-06-24 23:55, Dannydoyle wrote:
Quote:
On 2011-06-22 16:08, Magnus Eisengrim wrote:
"Time out" is an interesting modern development. The theory is that when a child old enough to contemplate such matters loses his/her composure, they should be given a quiet place and time to collect her/himself so that constructive action can be negotiated.

Time out is a VERY bad idea for children too young or immature to think through the situation, and it is very badly used as a punishment.

But guess how it's most often used...

John


"Time Out" worked very well to curb bad behavior in hockey didn't it?


You do that, you go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by yourself, you know and you feel shame, you know. And then you get free.
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.--Yeats
Slide
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You do that, you go to the box, you know. Two minutes, by yourself, you know and you feel shame, you know. And then you get free.

One of my favorite movies.
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