Working "clean" is a matter of perspective.

Comics are the worst. I know that many comics think they are working clean if they do all the same dirty jokes but say "crap" in place of sh** , or say "sex" in place of, well, other obscene words. I was once part of a Christmas party at a bank and the "clean" comic was making jokes about one of the board of directors being in bed with his wife and giving her a "dutch oven" (farting and holding her head under the covers.) Yes, he thought he was doing a clean show, but the client was LIVID!

All this just to say that "clean" is not just words, but ideas and concepts. Sometimes, Al, the way someone looks at a child is far worse than actually giving one a hug.

I never refer to alcohol during my shows but I can't control what the kids say. I still remember one child accusimg me of being drunk and actually saying that I was stopping off at a pub on the way to the show.

Starrpower
When you are a young handsome stud like Scott Burton, and me some times women can't controle them selves. Life is not easy when women find you irresistable.

So ... were you, and did you? I have been to many many events where they were feeding me booze. I generally declined until the event was over.

Al, you are correct. I have never been handsome nor a stud, so I have to get by on my clever wit and disarming charisma.

Starrpower
I gave up drinking at parties years ago after I had two glasses of wine, and they asked me to show them some juggling tricks. I looked like a clumsy old fool, so now I drink ginger ale with a swizle stick, and only look as drunk as everybody else. If I want a drink we (wife and me) will have a bottle of wine with our dinner, but never at a party.

Starrpower. I do not indulge in the devil's buttermilk. I am a man of the cloth after all.

Yes to the routine (sounds real good).

No to the alcohol theme.

Keep in mind, obviously, the adult could be thinking OTHER pleasant thoughts.

Songs could include but not limited too...

The Beach Boys, Kokomo (thinking about being on vacation).

King Harvest, Dancing in the moonlight (thinking about having fun).

Kool & the Gang, Celebration (more fun).

Otis Day & the Knights, Shout (and yet more fun).

The Outlaws, Keep Prayin’ (Thinking about getting through... this is a funny song).

Sam Cooke, Twistin’ the Night Away (fun, again).

Seals and Croft, Summer Breeze (feeling good).

The Beatles, Here Comes the Sun (feeling good).

If your reading just the mind of the Dad he could be thinking of a loving song of his wife... The Beatles, Something.

Just Mom? Something good about dad.

Or maybe a song about them thinking about there child.

Paul Simon, mother and child reunion.

Kihei Kid,

Awesome ideas!!! Thanks for sharing!!!

Well, even in the most inocent of situations it would probably not be a good idea.

I'd use the Sir Mix-a-Lot tune "Lady Got Back" (I Like Big But* I Cannot Lie).. that's a real family favorite...

Actually... I'd use a song that would get a laugh without referencing alcohol and while I get what Kihel Kid is saying, the alternatives aren't funny enough. You have to poke fun, at least a little, at the grown ups for the bit to work. Maybe "I'm Bringing Back a Baby Bumblebee" to imply he's not too bright, or even ""Who Let The Dogs Out" just because that song always seems to get a chuckle on it's own (not sure why). Or if the party is middle-class white people, the contrast between the guy you pick and the music in his head could be funny. Use a clearly incongruous song, Barry White or James Brown or something like that.

No mentions of alcohol at all. You're going to offend/annoy/preach to somebody.

David

Your welcome Ken, at least I hope I helped here.

Uh... yes and no.

The idea was to take his routine and tweak it ever so slightly and the list of songs that I included where mere suggestions off the top of my head in no particular order. I have NO reservations one could possible do better then the songs I listed here.

And PLEASE, keep in mind, that humor is a personal thing. I think Steve Martin and Eddie Murphy are funny but find Robin Williams to be annoying. I love David Williamson and Tom Mullica but I don't find Bill Malone very funny.

Reading your list of songs the same holds true for ME. I think Kokomo would be good as the parent would be thinking about being on vacation, perhaps sitting on a beach and guess what? Drinking a pina coloada!

I also liked the Outlaws tune as TO ME it's the parent thinking if I just "keep praying everything is going to be allright" (that's the songs main chorus).

But in the end I'm confident that Ken will come up with something that he likes and will put his heart and soul into and that's what really matters.

Out of curiosity, how many of you who said no actually drink? It seems an amazing level of hyprocracy that we can't even mention alcohol.

Personally I have managed to hit forty five without ever having being drunk, but I enjoy a drink. When my kids are old enough I hope to be able to have a civilised drink with them. There is nothing evil in alcohol, but by demonising it we make it seem so.

I still say there would be no offence caused by an innocent and humurous reference to drink. It's not as if you were going to accuse the host of being legless!

I do drink, but rarely mention it to the little darlings, so it never appears in my show.

I don't drink but I used to. While I understand that alcohol isn't a problem for everyone, there are a lot of people in this world that have had their lives destroyed by making a decision to try alcohol. Is alcohol evil? No, but when certain people take that first drink it's like their whole brain chemistry changes and their desire to drink makes them hurt the people they love and they lose the power to do anything about it.

Fast forward to the person who had the good fortune of finding a way to get out of the vicious cycle they were caught in. His loved ones will never forget the pain he has caused them although they may forgive him. He knows he can never drink again and might even be able to joke about it, but most likely his loved ones will never find anything amusing when they associate alcohol with that person.

That's the only point I was trying to make. I don't believe alcohol is evil but I do believe that, when used by the alcoholic, it will destroy lives and the pain that is caused never goes away.

Again, that's just my way of thinking and I wouldn't want to pick the wrong person and see the room fall silent because instead of having a good time and laughing, everyone starts thinking about the pain this person caused them in the past.

Personally, I think your idea is quite funny. Professionally, I used to do school assemblies for mostly elementary schools and I agree with the others... you'll offend someone and your reputation will be damaged.

You are of course, correct, Kihei Kid. Comedy is very subjective. Sorry I put that the way I did.

I engage in good, ol' fashioned sex. Does that make me a hypocrite, if I don't do sex jokes at a kid's party? Great argument, Tony! (TIC)

Michael, it's not an accurate analogy. I like sex, but I wouldn't make jokes about it in a kids show (or in an adult one, for that matter). I will, however, ask a child if she is married, I refer to my linking rings as wedding rings, and make other similar appropriate jokes. I acknowledge that relationships are part of the human condition.

If I was to do a drunk act at a kids party, or make other inappropriate jokes, I would be out of line. But the sort of gag Ken suggested certainly is not. There is a difference; it is a matter of degree.

An argument has been made that some people have had their lives destroyed by alcohol. I appreciate this. But some people have had their lives destroyed by cars. I know one man who is doing four years because he is addicted to driving stolen cars. I know one family who have lost their father to a careless driver. So should I cut all references to cars from my act?

I think we are overreacting to a problem that isn't even there.

Fortunately or not, Tony, the rules of appropriate subject matter are not made by you, but by the organizations that hire us. You can argue or rationalize all you want, but the fact remains that many (most?) venues that hire us for kids shows would frown on alcohol references but not references to marriage. So the problem IS there, regardless of whether you say it's not. I don't know if it's right or wrong, all I know is that it's what it is, and we have to respect it if we want to keep on god terms with the clients.