We're in a profession where we meet hundreds of people, either table hopping or during a private event. Therefore, its very difficult to remember everyone you meet. But, people very obviously like to feel remembered. I'd love to have a photographic memory, but it just isn't going to happen.

How does everyone handle the awkward moment where you don't remember someone, but they clearly remember you? Sometimes people give a look when you walk up to the table, as if thinking, "Don't you remember me/us?" Or sometimes its over the phone like, "this is _____ from X event..." as if I instantly remember them.

I've tried being honest and simply saying something like, "I think I remember you, but I meet so many people it gets confusing." Not only does that make me sound like a pompous idiot, but they're let down that they blended in with the crowd (I obviously try to avoid this now).

I've tried pretending to remember, in order to spare their feelings. But I've noticed some people start to recall a story about something that happened when we met which blows my cover of clearly not remembering.

I've also tried, "I think I remember, how are you?" as a means to deflect the remembering part and try to focus on the now. This has worked best because I can work to create new memories rather than try to focus on old ones.

I'm obviously not a completely forgetful person. I remember people quite often, but just not every time. What are your thoughts? I'd love to find a more effective way of handling this small but important situation.

I always say, "Of course I do! But if you could remind me of your name..." "Lisa." "Lisa, of course! How are you?"

This is the best way I've found to get past that awkward moment. The truth is, I often do remember someone's face. Just never all their names. This approach is a way of saying yes, I remember YOU even though I don't remember your name. It works for me.

You are not alone! I speak with so many people and can't always sort everyone out from the first moment.

For the phone: My ACT software is always up and I have comprehensive notes on every conversation with customers and potential customers. I get a call and immediately search for them and scan the notes to remind myself if I need to.

For in person etc: I usually go with the "honesty is the best policy" approach. Once I recognize where I know them from, I can usually acknowledge in detail my experience with them which at least makes them happy that I do remember them once I remember the context.

I have a condition where I don't recognize people out of the context in which I know them. It is embarrassing. Last year I ran into a young woman at our voting center, she was talking to me, we had a brief conversation, the she said, you don't know who I am, do you, Dad? My own daughter who I had been with earlier that day. Once she said "Dad". I recognized her, talk about embarrassing.

This is a problem I've had all my life, I try to hide it with conversation and hope something will click, but if questioned, I say that I have a vision issue and have problems identifying people. One of the things I never say anymore is, "nice to meet you." I've said it I the past only to later realize I said it to a good friend , relative, or someone I had met earlier at the event. My suggestion is to work on greetings that don't imply you are meeting the person for the first time, use something like, "Are you having a good time?" and hope you didn't already ask him or her that same question... Kind of DR greetings.

Tony

Tony - what an interesting post. I've read books about aphasia - it is really fascinating to get insights into how the brain works. As Woody Alan says about the brain - "It's my second favorite organ!"

Wait till you are working in different countries.

I always make a joke of it to take the heat off. "Of course I do I just finished reading the Memory Book by...uhhh...uhhh". By that time it is clear it is not going to happen.

They are just excited.

Although I don't have a photographic memory for names I do for faces. some times it fails me as if I see some one out side of where I met them or know them from - either a show, church, old friend from school days.

what I have learned for my shows is to get the persons name and use it several times during the conversation or trick.

instead of saying hi I'm sam your name is? then asking would you please select a card. I say "Jane would you please select a card" then ask to put it back and then I say to the audience or the table of people you saw Jane select a card she put it back and now I will attempt to read Janes mind.

by using the name several times y ou will have an easier time recalling the name and or the situation in which you know that person.

there are also some good tips out there on name associations to better remember peoples names.

I rmember numbers better these days as I associate them to a phrase.
meaning some thing like if I need to remember the number 15845 I would do some thing like 15 girls ate 45 pizzas.

it also helps to use name associations such as meet some one named Jim ( think jungle Jim) so now you have a picture in your mind that associated with Jim if you meet some one named Larry (think of a lizzard) and so on, make your own name associations.

I would also mention that many times we forget some ones name is do to the fact that we are NOT paying attention, rather we are thinking about what we will say next and therefore miss really hearing their name and remembering it.

sam(Monkey) now you wont forget me:)

Half the people I bump into in the street know me, know my name and I don’t have a clue who they are. When they come up and say hi, how are you? I answer by saying, I’m feeling great, I woke up this morning I have a heart beat and I was breathing, so how are you doing?

Then I listen and I agree with everything they say; in time they will say enough for you to remember something; a few time I have actually have had a long conversation with a person and I didn’t have any idea of who they were.

I ask them how do they spell their name or do a cold read.

It's a very interesting problem and the larger a show you do, the more imbalanced the situation becomes. It doesn't reach a tipping point when the spectator realizes there is no way you could remember them. Unfortunately many that you make some form of eye contact with could feel they have a direct connection and you'll remember them 20 years later.

My first goal in those interactions is to determine if it is a valuable client, associate, or other professional that I've worked with. If so I'm always enthusiastic and glad to see them again but am honest and probing to try to recall the event. "Wow, it's great to see you again! That was a while back, I'm trying to remember what it was..." Then let them jump in and fill in the blanks to help me. If it was an audience member they are just as eager to help you out and I'll go on to remember something fun about the event or city that resonates with them... Usually talking about how great the people were or how nice the town was gets me out of a lot of situations!

As magicians, misdirection is such an important tool onstage but is just as valuable in these interactions. If it's not an associate but an audience member ... my goal (much like in cold reading) is to pump for information than reiterate what they just said with more enthusiasm before transitioning to something neutral. If it's an associate with more value, then it's vital that I nail down all the details. "Oh yeah, that was such a fun show... and the promoter was such a pro and easy to get along with... Shoot, what was his name?"

If it's associate the goal is to make it into a reminiscing session that happens between peers all the time. It usually takes the pressure off the direct name. I'll also ask them to give me a call the next time they're around to chat and give them one of my cards which will usually make them return with a number or business card as well. Now days, the worst is when they just want me to take their number down in my phone because they'll give me the number with no name!

It's always interesting to see what tricks all of you have come up with as well!