Hi,

The reason I ask this is because of a restaurant gig last night. I was doing table magic for a party in the back room of a restaurant, and everything was going great. It wasn't until one little boy saw me, that things started to fall apart. (Just so everyone knows, the host told me afterwards that the boy does have ADD and she completely apologized for the troubles the boy had caused)

I showed the boy and his family some tricks, starting with my sponge routine. It was all going well, until the phase when I put two in my pocket and one in my hand, and then there are three in my hand. After I revealed the three spongeballs, the kid thrusted his hand into my pocket (punching me in the leg, and ripping a belt loop right off my pants.) Shocked, I grabbed his hand out of my pocket, and sure enough his hand was holding a fourth spongeball.

Being caught with the 4th ball was not what bothered me. It was how rude and disrespectful the boy was to me. The worst part is that his parents sat there and watched him abuse me. They found it funny. I do not see anything funny about some kid breaking someone’s belongings (and pants ) while he is trying to work and do his job.

The whole rest of the night the boy followed me around, jumping on my back everytime I had my back turned to him. Also, sometimes I would be in the middle of discussing doing a show for someone after showing them some tricks and he would grab onto me, jump between the person I was talking to and I, and say something like "LOOK EVAN!!! I KNOW A MAGIC TRICK!!! WATCH THIS FORK DISSAPEAR!! (he throws it across the room) BAM!!!! IT'S GOOOONE!!!"

I ended up simply ignoring him when I could, and he eventually left me alone.

Now, here is the worst part of all. The kid's mother ended up approaching me later that night. She was interested in me doing magic at her son's birthday party in January. I talked to her, but did not promise anything.


Here is my question, actually two:

1.) Should I do this show? Why yes or no? If yes, I think I need some tips on how to keep him in his seat and follow directions, and to keep his hands off of me.

2.) How should I have handled this child last night? How would you handle a child such as this one?

Thanks! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Evan

That was a very bad experience that should never have happened. As many of you that have read my posts in the past may remember, one of my sons is autistic and I've talked at some length about dealing with, and accepting, the autistic behavior.

What I have not said before is that my other son is ADD/HD. While I have seen him "pinging" (our term) such as you describe, never would my wife and I accept that type of behavior nor would we find it amusing in the least. We can accept it as part of his condition, but we do not need to tolerate it and will move to correct it.

Having said that:

1. No. There's no way to keep him in his seat and off you if the parents are not willing to do their job. It's probable, depending upon the depth of his disability, that you may have just caught him at a bad time, but I wouldn't take that chance. I don't blame him, but I do his parents.

2. I think you showed great patience, compassion, and professionalism by the way you handled it. I would first tell the child that you can't continue to perform for them unless they sit down and stay there. Be kind, but firm. Make eye contact with the parents when you do this. I think most parents of ADD/HD children will corral the child. If this doesn't work, then I would try "taking a break" by telling the child/parents that it is time for you to take a break and then head for a back room, kitchen, etc. Contact the manager and let him/her know what happened and let him know you'll be performing for tables in another part of the restaurant until they leave. It may be that the manager will need to talk to the parents and ask them to restrain their child. After all, this child running around a busy restaurant like that can cause all kinds of mayhem and injury. If you stress this aspect to the manager, rather than the idea that he ruined your routine, the manager will be more likely to respond.

Good Luck!

Mike

I really hate that you had to go through that. Nobody likes to deal with kids that act like that but it is unfortunately a growing trend among children today. I'm a youth minister at a large church and do magic for the children's programs on a regular basis. It's easier to solve this problem in this atmosphere than a restaurant, but the truth is still the same. If the parents are not noticing the problem, or worse, are finding it humorous, you are basically sunk. If the parents found their child's behavior to be humorous, they've probably been reinforcing it for quite a while and will continue to do so until they realize their child is a nuisance.

Before I did the show I would be very clear with the parents that their child's behavior was offensive to you and that it can't be tolerated. Obviously you would say it with more tact, but no less firmly. You may lose the gig but at least the parent will begin to realize that his child's behavior is unacceptable. Many people see magicians as fancy clowns and thus making a fool of them is funny. That's why we have to work that much harder to keep the prestige in our art. My life's work is children and young adolescents so don't think I am being insensitive. It's just that if we want to see a change in this type of child, they must be told that it is wrong.

Hi Evan:

It sounds like you did a nice job handling a tough situation. I'd turn down the show if I were you - no need to put yourself through THAT again.

Ron

Hi Evan,
If it was me I wouldn't do it. The parents have already shown that they will do nothing to stop him ruining your show, and with kids like that the parents co-operation is a must. So I'd already be fully booked for the date she wanted, and any others she suggested.

If it was me on the night I would have stopped what I was doing and had a polite word with his parents and ask them to try and control him as he was making it impossible to work. If that failed then I would have proceeded as Mike suggested and taken a break and talked to the manager.

Well done for coping with a difficult situation.

Thanks for all the comments about how I handled it.

Also thanks for the tips. I might bring this up with the manager and if this happens again I will take a break and go see him.

Thanks again guys,

Evan

Hi Evan,

I would not do the show. I do this for a living because I enjoy what I do, but if you were to take the booking, you would never relax up to the day of the show and you would probably be on edge when you arrived.

It appears the parent did feel bad about what their son did and wanted some way to make restitution by asking you to do a show for them.

Personally, like others above, I wouldn't do it. He will not change and since he is in his domain, he most likely will be worse. Unless you are skilled at dealing with kids like this, this is one you might want really think about before accepting. I believe I can handle most kids, and had a variety of experiences, including this one (No way of telling when accepting a booking). The uncontrollable one is just that and I would avoid it if I could.

A proper response is, "January is my month to do my Fund Raising shows (Which it is), and they are booked about a year in advance, however, if you call I could recommend other magicians, which could be found in the yellow pages."

Depending upon your personality, you could recommend that magician who is your competitor and has stolen most of your act. (A little humor here)

Thanks again for the advice. I have decided not to take the show, mainly because I am not a professional performer. I think it is much easier for a child to pick on a teenager than a grown adult.

Thanks again,

Evan

Evan,

In my opinion you acted with more professionalism than I've seen in many "Professional Performers".

Mike

Dear Evan,
For many years I did an AD&D group Christmas party. They were ALL like it! BUT the children were all on appropiate medication and the parents and helpers were all 'on the case'.
I can honestly say that those children were a better audience than many, so called, 'normal' ones!
The child you encountered was obviously 'out of control' and you were well within your rights to go to the manager and say "do something or I leave!"
I think you did an excellent job in very hard circumstances and I take my hat off to you!
Cheers dears,
George.

Thank you very much Mike and George. The encouragement is great for an up and coming magician like myself. I cannot thank you enough.

Evan

Evan, there's two meanings to the word professional.

1. To earn money from some thing as a full time job, IE Full Time Professional Magician

2. To have a professional attitude.

You may be a only a Part-timer or Semi-Professional if you want the posh term as far as work goes, but you definitely come under number 2. You've proven yourself to be very proffessional in attitude. Keep it up mate and you'll have a long and happy career in magic.

Nice work Evan!

I have been surprised how few parents actually live up to that word.

The interesting part is that you actually became a FOCUS for the child. That is probably why the parents would talk to you about a show. They probably were very impressed with how well you dealt with their son. AS impressed as we all are.

Mom could well be using you as a reward right now.
"Son, I need you to ... Remember we want to show the magician when he comes..."

I have found that a logic problem can serve as a distraction. Give the child the Aces and face cards. Show them how to make a 4 X 4 grid. Tell them another magician said he would show you a new effect if you could make every row and column different. No two diamonds, no two kings, etc.

Every so often, wander back pay a bit of attention, compliment him on how great it looks. "Hey you're further then I got" (Like levels in a video game - smiles). Give little pointers ... "what if we put this king here? What do you think?"

While he is absorbed. You can return to your main task - entertaining.

* * * * *

Now the gig is trouble. I wouldn't say you were busy because she may just work around you. Better to be honest.

"Mrs. Smith, It sounds like a wonderful party, but based on Johny's help tonight, I am afraid that it might be too challenging for me."

Then explain, that some magicians recommend leaving immediately if the props are handled, That you had chosen to stay so that everyone including them could enjoy the night, but that you would be nervous about trying to put on the type of show they should expect if Johny were too be as involved as he was tonight.

* * * * *

Good luck. Again, it sounds like you dealt with the situation very well. Kudos to you.

Cheers - El Lamo

Hi Evan,
When I have a follower at my restaurant gigs, I explain to the child that it is this table's turn now, and that he had his turn so please go back to your seat so they can enjoy the magic like you did. I tell them that I am there every week and I would love for them to come see me again. This usually works very well. Often the table I am with will agree. If they don't leave I then ignore them and make the table I am at my focus they get bored and leave.
Being a teenager you have to act like a confident adult; be firm but not mean. You're going to meet a lot of kids like this and you will have to handle them...
You will learn to be on your toes! I'll bet the next kid doesn't make it into your pocket... lesson learned.

If you truly feel you're not going to enjoy entertaining at this party and she does call, tell her you're not available and give her the number of a seasoned pro that can help her out. That will put you in a positive light with the host and the magician.

Evan:

That is a tough situation and you certainly did the best that you could given the circumstances. I have had this happen to me in the past and it is just PATHETIC that parents allow their children to act in this manner no matter what the child may or may not have.

In situations of that type, I finish my performance the best I can and keep a professional demeanor as best as I can. I then exscuse myself and I very flat out ask if I can speak with one of the parents.

I pull them aside as to not embarrass them or the child and I just nicely tell them the situation. That I am there to perform for not only them but everyone in the place. That their child is being a bit disruptive and preventing you from doing your job and from the enjoyment of others, and that it would help you do your job better if they could keep tabs on their child.

This does not always work but confronting them in a nice manner does have an effect most times. If this does not work, then you may have to talk to them again and be a bit more forceful if need be.

You handled it fine and I certainly would not take the gig. You are there to perform and entertain the kids not be a pricey babysitter because the parents do not know how to parent their children.

Do not let it get to you. Not all gigs go that way. =)

Thanks so much for all of the help.

Emazdad:
Thanks for the words on professionalism. Not only is it encouraging but it also makes me want to become a full time magi in the future even more.

El Lamo:
Thanks for the line to help put down the show and not accept it. That sounds perfect.

Jewls:
The line "you have had your turn please go back to your seat so they can enjoy the magic like you did." Man, if I had thought of that that night it probably would have gone much smoother. Thanks this solves problems with any kids like that.

Kyle:
That is a great idea to pull the parent aside for a minute. That would have worked great since I was in a way, trapped in a room to entertain. It was strolling magic, but in a small room where I went table to table. In the future I will for sure ask for a word with parents if their kids get out of control like that.


Thanks again everyone,

Evan

Evan:
Situations happen all the time like what you experienced. I think you conducted yourself as well as you could under the circumstances. It is just a shame that parents do not control their own children better than they should.

Actually, Evan, considering your age I would not suggest talking to the parents, even if you pull them aside. They may take umbrage with a teen critiquing their parenting skills. Now you and I know that's not what you'd say or what you'd be doing, but people do get defensive and it's an unfortunate fact that many adults tend to think of teens as less than equal.

If you look at this from a customer service perspective, I still think the best way is to talk to the manager. In fact, I would talk to the manager the next time you see him/her, explain what happened, and ask the manager how he/she would prefer you handle it. The last thing you want to do is to make a customer angry (regardless if they are justified in being angry) and having the restaurant lose a customer or receive bad word of mouth because of it. If you clear your action with the manager before hand, or if you go to the manager when something unusual like this pops up again, you've covered your bases and will be more apt to keep your customer (the restaurant) happy.

Mike

Good point Mike. That sounds like a much better idea because the last thing I want to do it make the customers unhappy.

Thanks.