|
|
Go to page [Previous] 1~2~3..12~13~14~15~16..19~20~21 [Next] | ||||||||||
arthur stead Inner circle When I played soccer, I hit 1773 Posts |
A man discovers a genie's lamp, and when he rubs it, in a puff of smoke, a genie appears.
"I will grant you three wishes," declares the genie, "but there is one condition. Everything you wish for, your ex-wife will get double. The lucky man thinks, and makes his first wish: "I want a brand new, expensive car!" The genie makes a mysterious gesture, and magically, a brand new top-of-the-line Porsche appears. At the same time, the man's ex-wife gets two new cars. "For my next wish, I'd like a million dollars." "OK," says the genie, and magically increases the man's bank account by a million. And in accordance with the conditions, the ex-wife gets twice as much ... two million dollars appear in her account. The man thinks hard about his third and last wish. "Got it," he finally says. Addressing the genie, he requests: "I want you to scare me half to death." |
|||||||||
Bob1Dog Inner circle Wife: It's me or this houseful of 1159 Posts |
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, "Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn't even pay for your sandwich!"
"Hey, man, I'm a PANDA!" the panda shouts back. "Look it up!" The manager opens his dictionary and reads: "Panda: a tree-dwelling mammal of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves."
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. |
|||||||||
S2000magician Inner circle Yorba Linda, CA 3465 Posts |
Quote:
On 2013-11-01 17:16, Bob1Dog wrote: You forgot the comma (which is the punchline). |
|||||||||
Bob1Dog Inner circle Wife: It's me or this houseful of 1159 Posts |
My bad.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. |
|||||||||
Michael Baker Eternal Order Near a river in the Midwest 11172 Posts |
Here's a few more bad jokes for Bill... just the punchlines, though.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,, ,, ,,,,,,,,, ,,, ,,,, ,, ,,,,,,,, ,,,, ,,!! ,,,, ,, ,,,,,,, ,, , ,,,,, ,,,,,!! ,,,,,,,,,,!! ;;;; ;;;;;;;;; ;; ;;;! (Ok, that last one was only semi-hilarious.)
~michael baker
The Magic Company |
|||||||||
S2000magician Inner circle Yorba Linda, CA 3465 Posts |
|
|||||||||
arthur stead Inner circle When I played soccer, I hit 1773 Posts |
Four prominent politicians are flying in a small plane together. They are a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian, and a Tea Party member. The pilot inadvertently loses direction and ends up flying though a very high mountain range. He realizes that he can't scale a particular mountain top. The only thing to do is to lose weight, fast. The passengers all throw out their luggage, but it's not enough. Then they tear out their seats and and dump those. But still the plane doesn't have enough power to get over the top. The only thing left to do, is that someone must jump. The Republican is first. "Gentlemen," he says, "all of us are important for the future of our country. But I will do the decent thing. I'll sacrifice myself so that you may live." His last words, as he opens the door and jumps, are "God bless America!"
The plane gains a little, but it's still not enough. The pilot tells the remaining passengers that they need to lose even more weight. This time, the Libertarian steps up. "I'm doing this for my country. God bless America!" he cries as he opens the door and jumps to certain death. Again, the pilot tries to maneuver the plane over the mountain top, but just doesn't have enough gain. "We're almost there," he says. "But someone else must jump." This time, the Democrat decides to intervene. "God bless America," he says. "This is for the USA," as he opens the door and pushes the Tea Party member out. |
|||||||||
Bob1Dog Inner circle Wife: It's me or this houseful of 1159 Posts |
How can you use a lighthouse, rose trellis, windstorm, dune, and Halloween costume to create something tasty?
Make a beacon, lattice, and tornado sand witch.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. |
|||||||||
Circusman Special user Kent, England. 555 Posts |
Quote:
On 2013-11-01 17:16, Bob1Dog wrote: OMG ! My mates will beat me up when I tell them this one ! LOL ! |
|||||||||
TomKMagic Special user I tripped over 620 Posts |
Q: What did one oil driller say to the other oil driller after they felt a small earthquake?
A: Let's get the frack out of here. |
|||||||||
TomKMagic Special user I tripped over 620 Posts |
A scientist cloned himself, but the clone turned out to be incredibly rude. Eventually, the scientist got sick of his clone and pushed him over a cliff. The next day he was arrested for making an obscene clone fall.
|
|||||||||
TomKMagic Special user I tripped over 620 Posts |
A man was badly injured in a car accident. The entire left half of his body was torn off. He was taken to the hospital and examined. The doctors said he was all right. The nurses said there wasn't much left.
|
|||||||||
ed rhodes Inner circle Rhode Island 2885 Posts |
So, this guy Artie decides he's going to be a free lance hit man.
He takes a job to kill a guy's wife and, moron that he is, Artie only accepts one dollar as a down payment. He waits outside the Safeway supermarket where the guy's wife works and when she comes out, he jumps her. At the last minute, he realizes he forgot to bring a weapon, but decides to strangle the woman instead. As he's finishing the job, a witness comes along and Artie has to strangle him too! While he's doing that, the police show up and arrest him. The papers had it plastered all over the headlines the next day; "Artie chokes two for a dollar at Safeway."
"...and if you're too afraid of goin' astray, you won't go anywhere." - Granny Weatherwax
|
|||||||||
Bob1Dog Inner circle Wife: It's me or this houseful of 1159 Posts |
Quote:
On 2013-11-03 18:52, TomKMagic wrote: Quote:
On 2013-10-26 14:34, Bob1Dog wrote: Ya' gotta' read the whole thread TomKMagic!
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. |
|||||||||
Bob1Dog Inner circle Wife: It's me or this houseful of 1159 Posts |
What do you get when you take a gourd and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi. What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter? Cow pi. What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter? Moon pi. What do you get when you take a native Alaskan and divide its circumference by its diameter? Eskimo pi. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter? Pi in the sky. :)
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. |
|||||||||
Pakar Ilusi Inner circle 5777 Posts |
How would you describe a scientist who has devoted his whole being, time and money into dividing the diameter and circumference of objects?
Life of Pi.
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
|
|||||||||
Pakar Ilusi Inner circle 5777 Posts |
Quote:
On 2013-11-04 01:26, Pakar Ilusi wrote: What if the same scientist is a hippie? Peace of the Pi.
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
|
|||||||||
Pakar Ilusi Inner circle 5777 Posts |
Quote:
On 2013-11-04 01:27, Pakar Ilusi wrote: What happens when he starts calculating his own photos? Pi in the face.
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
|
|||||||||
Bob1Dog Inner circle Wife: It's me or this houseful of 1159 Posts |
What if it's past Halloween?
Pumpkin jacko-lantern pi, are squared, in many pieces and left to the beasts of the field and the birds of the air to feast upon.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?
My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums. |
|||||||||
TomKMagic Special user I tripped over 620 Posts |
Or what about the mathematician riding his pi-cycle?
|
|||||||||
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Really Bad Jokes (14 Likes) | ||||||||||
Go to page [Previous] 1~2~3..12~13~14~15~16..19~20~21 [Next] |
[ Top of Page ] |
All content & postings Copyright © 2001-2024 Steve Brooks. All Rights Reserved. This page was created in 0.06 seconds requiring 5 database queries. |
The views and comments expressed on The Magic Café are not necessarily those of The Magic Café, Steve Brooks, or Steve Brooks Magic. > Privacy Statement < |