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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Really Bad Jokes (14 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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critter
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Inner circle
Spokane, WA
2551 Posts

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The problem with holiday puns is that they bring out the ham in everyone.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
TomKMagic
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I tripped over
613 Posts

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Q: What do you call a dead magician's assistant?
A: An abracadaver.
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
My website
arthur stead
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When I played soccer, I hit
1823 Posts

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Little boy asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?

The father says, "Well, I'm confident that you're my son, because we look alike, and we live together, and I saw you being born."

"So what's confidential?" asks the boy.

"If you see me making our with our next door neighbor's hot wife, that's confidential."
Arthur Stead
royalty-free music and interactive routines
www.arthurstead.com
Bob1Dog
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Wife: It's me or this houseful of
1159 Posts

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What do you call the history of a car?

An auto biography.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
TomKMagic
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I tripped over
613 Posts

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Q: Why couldn't the chicken fly through the window?
A: It was closed.
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
My website
Bob1Dog
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Wife: It's me or this houseful of
1159 Posts

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a parking lot.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Bill Hallahan
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Inner circle
New Hampshire
3222 Posts

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A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
Humans make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to create boredom. Quite astonishing.
- The character of ‘Death’ in the movie "Hogswatch"
Bob1Dog
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Wife: It's me or this houseful of
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What to you call Batman and Robin after they've been run over by a car?

Flatman and Ribbon
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Pakar Ilusi
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5715 Posts

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Quote:
On 2013-12-08 01:59, Bob1Dog wrote:
When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a parking lot.



Nope, when it's a taxi. Smile
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
Bob1Dog
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What do you call Robin Hood's mother?

Mother Hood.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
critter
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Spokane, WA
2551 Posts

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If April showers bring May flowers, then what do Mayflowers bring?



Genocide.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
TomKMagic
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I tripped over
613 Posts

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Q: What do you call an earthquake fault?
A: A topographical error.
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
My website
NYCTwister
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Loyal user
267 Posts

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Quote:
On 2013-12-09 22:00, critter wrote:
If April showers bring May flowers, then what do Mayflowers bring?



Genocide.


Atomic face palm.

Lmfao
If you need fear to enforce your beliefs, then your beliefs are worthless.
Michael Baker
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Eternal Order
Near a river in the Midwest
11160 Posts

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Quote:
On 2013-12-09 22:14, TomKMagic wrote:
Q: What do you call an earthquake fault?
A: A topographical error.



Then is asphalt, rectum trouble?

Speaking of which, a boy walks into his classroom and announces loudly that he just saw a dog killed in the road. "The car hit him right in the ass."

The teacher says, "You shouldn't say that... say rectum."

The boy says, "Wrecked 'em?? Hell, it killed him!"
~michael baker
The Magic Company
wulfiesmith
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Beverley, UK
1139 Posts

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A severed head, named Albert, is resting on a hospital pillow.
A nurse and assistant are visiting ...

nurse: happy birthday Albert, I have brought you a birthday present
head: not another hat, I hope
nurse: now, don't get bitter on me
head: get lost
assistant: many happy returns Albert
head: you get lost too
nurse: take no notice. He is in a bad mood. He is having all his teeth taken out today
TomKMagic
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I tripped over
613 Posts

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Q: Why don't blind people like to skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dogs.
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
My website
TomKMagic
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I tripped over
613 Posts

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Q: What did the Momma Buffalo say to her child as he left for school?
A: Bison!
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
My website
Bob1Dog
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Wife: It's me or this houseful of
1159 Posts

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Why is a room full of married people empty?

There isn't a single person in it.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
arthur stead
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When I played soccer, I hit
1823 Posts

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Did you know, where I was born in Africa, there's not a single fly?

No, they're all married with large families!
Arthur Stead
royalty-free music and interactive routines
www.arthurstead.com
mvmagic
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Has written
1305 Posts

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How do you save a bass player from drowning?

Preferably you don't..
Sent from my Typewriter
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