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Bob1Dog
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The man told a sick joke and he warned you of it. Humor is found in many forms. As a kid in New York in the fifties I heard all kinds of sick jokes. And I heard a lot of ethnic jokes. And I heard a lot of jokes that would probably be considered politcally incorrect today, one of those phrases I detest. Screw politics and what you, me or anyone else thinks is funny. It was a freakin' joke man, and sick jokes are just that and the man told you so up front. So quit yer belly-achin'. He warned you, you didn't have to read it.

Now back to OP:

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables. The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. "Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied, "When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are."
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Pakar Ilusi
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Quote:
On 2014-01-24 10:50, Bobby Forbes wrote:
Quote:
On 2013-09-26 00:17, MobilityBundle wrote:
A bit of a disclaimer: don't read this if you're easily offended. Forget easily... if you're not near-impossible to offend.

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Q: What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?

A: There's twenty of them!


What a sick F###. You should be thrown in a jail cell with bubba for that. Very tasteless.


It's freedom of speech. Yours and his. Smile
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
Art Vanderlay
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Did you hear about the little brown paper bag that got bags disease?

Tuns out his mother was a carrier....

Cheers
Art
THE MAN WHO CONTROLS THE ELEMENTS!
Circusman
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John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared a breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast.

However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate. He questioned his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"

His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get 'em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"

For lunch the old man made hamburgers.

Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg. He asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up, the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them.
Now don't you fret. I don't want to hear another word about it!"

Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town, and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass.

John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car!"

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, "Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!"
Bob1Dog
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What's stucco?

What happens when you step in bubblegummo.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
TomKMagic
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One photon asks the other photon, "can we talk for a minute about things in general?"

The other one say, "sure I'm up for some light discussion."
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
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Bob1Dog
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"A Farewell to Arms" is Ernest Hemingway's novel about an American soldier in Italy during World War I. He falls in love with a nurse in the hospital, decides to go AWOL, and rows all night with her in a boat from Italy to Switzerland to evade the authorities.

His girl friend was sitting in the stern of the boat, and he was rowing in the middle. At one point he said, "Cath, I love you."

She said, "Pardon?"

He said, "I said I love you."

She still didn't hear him, so he removed an oar from the lock, moved up to the stern, resumed steering the boat from that position, and said again, "I love you."

She said, "I love you too, but why are you standing there sculling when you can do so much better rowing where you were?"

He said, "You are undoubtedly right: I just sculled to say I love you."
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Bob1Dog
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Have y'all heard about Bob Costas pinkeye problem? It's going viral and he may not be able to continue. The jokes circulating the Internet are getting cornea and cornea.

(taken from the Internet, but too good to pass up)
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Circusman
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I work in a busy office, and when a computer goes down, it causes quite an inconvenience. Recently one of our computers not only crashed, but it also made a noise that sounded like a heart monitor.

"This computer has flat-lined," a co-worker called out with mock horror. "Does anyone here know how to do mouse-to-mouse?"
TomKMagic
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Q: How much wood did the carpenter carve when he trimmed a wood sculpture?
A: Just a whittle
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
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Bob1Dog
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Watching an episode of Breaking Bad last night, where Mike get's the top of his ear clipped by a bullet in a shootout. When asked how he felt after the shooting, he said something like "I'm managing," or something on that order. I told my wife, "He should have said he was ear-itated."
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Pakar Ilusi
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Who is the man who discovered the leather wallet?

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Whoever it is, please return it to me. Smile
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
ralphs007
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Why did the ballpark get really hot after the game ?
Because all the fans left !
"You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him".
James D. Miles
Bob1Dog
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What do you call a dead magician's assistant?

An abracadaver.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
Pakar Ilusi
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What do you call a dead dog?

Nothing, it is dead.
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
TomKMagic
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Q: What do you call a reptile with a timepiece?
A: A clockadile
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Tom Kracker
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cv01jw
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There were 3 men in a boat, with 4 cigarettes between them but no way to light them.

What did they do?

they threw one cigarette overboard and the boat became a cigarette lighter
Circusman
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A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game." They stop for a rest break and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.

"We made a special ball with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it, too."

"Very clever!" remarks the other patron.

Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those darn blind kids from the bus?"

"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being referred to. "What about it? You got something against blind kids?"

"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the crap out of my best milk cow!"
Circusman
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Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

"Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this! I am a United States congressman!"

"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
TomKMagic
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Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits and paint in the nude.

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. “Who is it?” calls one of the nuns.

“blind man,” replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two naked nuns look at each other and shrug, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door.

“Nice boobs,” says the man, “now, where do you want these blinds?”
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
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